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grief,loss, parenting, miscarriage

My mom was violated. There are few things that make us feel as uneasy and vulnerable in life as being violated. There are a million ways that we can be violated in this world and it is not a problem strictly resigned to just women, though as the “weaker” sex, we are more susceptible.That is not to say that women are “weaker” in any fashion than men, but we are perceived that way and that, in itself, makes us more vulnerable.

Bear with me as I try to explain to you the events that transpired this past weekend. I’m still having trouble believing that this really happened. Sunday afternoon, my mom was headed home from my house after a weekend of celebrating my littlest girl’s 9th birthday. She was almost home when she decided to stop for a refill on gas. My little brother came back home with her since college is out for the summer so he was pumping the gas and she was out of the car talking to him. That’s when it happened.

A man drove up beside her car, stopped, jumped out of the car, reached in and stole my mom’s purse. Jumped back in his car and sped off before my mom even realized what had happened. Luckily, there was an elderly gentleman there who got the man’s license plate and my brother made eye contact with him, so he saw his face.

As if being robbed in broad daylight was not traumatic enough for a sweet southern senior, she had EVERYTHING in that purse. You know that saying, “Don’t put all of your eggs in one basket” well, my mom had everything of importance in that one purse.

When my mom travels, she doesn’t want to leave anything in her house of importance. You know, just in case some asshole, wants to break in and steal her life away. So she carries it all on her person.  When I say everything, I mean everything. She had her id’s, check book, spare keys to car and house, savings information, about $500 in cash (because people her age carry cash), all of her passwords written down on a piece of paper (because she’s 65-years-old and that’s what she does), her phone and all of her credit cards. Literally, everything of value to her was in that pocketbook except for her children and grandchildren.

Obviously, she is very freaked out. We all are. I know she’s upset that all of her things were stolen. It’s a pain in the ass to call and put a freeze on everything and have things reissued. She had to go into her bank on Monday morning and do all the things to freeze the account and get new cards and account numbers issued. She has to get a new social security card and had to change the locks and get her locks changed on her car. These are all inconveniences but better than the alternative.

All I keep thinking is what if she had been sitting in the car and, heaven forbid, reacted by grabbing her purse? What if this crackhead** in his desperation, pulled out a gun and shot my mother for her purse? That’s what’s keeping me up at night. We can replace all of the things but I can’t replace my mom and that scares the shit out of me.

My mom is gutted that she has been robbed. She feels vulnerable and violated. She is afraid to go home because this person has her address and her keys. She is afraid and I don’t blame her. How do you regain your trust in mankind after something like this? Something so brazen and heartless. I mean stealing from the elderly? You can’t get much lower than that.

I tell people, all the time, that I grew up in the ghetto. I’m obviously not exaggerating but in our neighborhood, my mom is known. She’s lived there for 40 years. We’ve been trying to get her to move for years and this may have just been the catalyst to make that happen. I need her closer to me so I can keep a better eye on her and protect her.

My mom had just visited me in the suburbs, so maybe her guard was down. She’s learned a valuable lesson, to never trust anyone, albeit the hardest way possible. I can’t undo what’s happened to my mother, though I wish I could but I can warn the rest of you.

If you get out to pump gas, even in broad daylight, 1) put your purse in the back floorboard 2) lock your car doors 3) keep your windows up 4) keep your important stuff at home in a safe or in a lock box at the bank, never carry it all on you. I know it sounds like overkill but either you do these things as a precaution or some creep sees you vulnerable and violates you. Believe me, this could have been a lot worse. He could have shot her, taken her hostage or carjacked her. But, as it stands, it was still pretty awful.

** I say crackhead because I say it takes a pretty desperate/stupid person to do something so crazy.

Have you, or anyone you know, every been violated in such a way and how did you recover from it?

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misogynist, misogyny, robin thicke, miley cyrus

misogyny, misogynist, robin thicke,miley cyrus
Last week, I wrote a post about Miley Cyrus and Robin Thicke that really seemed to piss people off. Worst of all, it pissed women off but not at Robin Thicke for being a misogynistic pig but at Miley Cyrus for being a whore who obviously violated Robin Thicke and anger towards me for having the gall to write a piece that not only insinuated that Thicke was partially to blame for the VMA performance but straight up called the guy out for being the smarmy pig he is.

Women all over the world came to his defense saying things like he is a good guy and whores like Miley and feminist bitches like myself are all up in arms because we hate men.(This was actually said to me). I assure you that I do not hate men. In fact, I have a sweet spot for them.My husband is one of my favorite people in the world. Anyways, I spoke the truth and anyone with eyes and common sense, knew I was right. Still, they argued. Obviously it was me, not Robin Thicke who had the problem. Even after I prominently featured his misogynistic video for Blurred Lines, they still defended him. I could not win.

Then, while I was traveling in San Diego for a press event, a reader sent me a post by a male blogger who wrote essentially the exact same perspective and opinion as I ,myself, had written on Monday and Tuesday only there was one main difference, he had a penis. Where I had been called a man hating feminist bitch, he was patted on the back by women for being such a wonderful man. Praised, patted on the back and swooned upon. In fact, I am sure team Robin Thicke has even jumped the shark and become team the Matt Walsh blog. I salute you Matt Walsh because you said everything I did and somehow managed to avoid any backlash. Damn, I had no idea the penis wielded such protection powers. Damn unsafe vagina.

Speaking of vaginas, can anyone explain to me where Robin Thicke has been this entire time? Why did he not speak out on Monday and let the world know that the crass behavior, twerking aside, on Miley’s part was directly from HIS video? Think about that, Robin Thicke fans.Where was your precious, chivalrous Mr.Thicke when a woman was getting the beat down of all backlash that he was responsible for?

Then another reader & friend sent me this, because y’all get me, you really, really do.

Robin Thicke, MIley Cyrus, Misogyny
And another reader sent me this and I know we are all not choking down the misogyny that is being spoon fed to us by media and society.

I’m not a “man hating feminist” nor do I have anything personal against Robin Thicke and I really don’t think that Miley Cyrus twerking and Robin Thicke dry humping her on stage is more important than people in Syria being gassed with Sarin BUT I do, with all that I am, believe that women have been treated like objects rather than people for far too long and to ignore it any longer would be detrimental to our society as a whole. We are mothers, sisters, daughters, grandmothers and wives. We are somebody’s everything and dismissing women as less than men, making us nothing more than what lies between our legs, is lessening all of us as the human race. You are squandering your most precious asset.

What are your thoughts on the treatment of women in the world? Will you stand by silently as this continues? I will not!

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Yesterday, here in the Midwest, was Sweetest Day. Not familiar with the Hallmark Day? Well, don’t feel bad. I believe its only celebrated here in the Midwest. What can we say, we love LOVE! It’s basically Valentine Day’s little stupid sister.Same idea on a much smaller scale.

All excited for the first road trip in the Jeep

The Big Guy and I decided that yesterday was a perfect day to take the girls back to where it all began… Purdue University. We woke up and spontaneously made the 2+ hour trip south. It was a gorgeous autumn day. The leaves were every shade of amber,yellow, red and brown, the sun was high in the blue sky, and it was perfect sweatshirt and jean weather.

Indiana autumn

It was very exciting for us to be back on campus. We haven’t been in about 8 years. We were living in another part of the country and then we had the girls and there’s just not been a “right” time to go back. But yesterday morning, it was time. The girls were just excited to go on a road trip in Daddy’s new jeep..its very loud and rugged and they think it is awesome.

Daddy and his girls

 

The place where it all began; September 29,1997

We got to campus and parked so we could go get something to eat at our favorite restaurant. Of course, we hadn’t counted on it being Homecoming weekend and Breakfast club still going on at noon.So we couldn’t take our girls to our favorite joint for loaded fries because they were still serving alcohol as a bar. We had to explain to my 5 year old why all the college students were running around in costumes ( in case you are not familiar with the term, breakfast club is when you stay up all night drinking then put on your most outrageous costume and continue drinking at 7 am until you pass out.) We wanted to show the girls where we met, Harry’s chocolate shop, of course there was a line down the street because of homecoming drinking.

Daddy and the girls @ the engineering mall. His old stomping grounds.

We decided to find a restaurant before we all passed out from malnutrition and were violated by the costumed hooligans:) The littles just thought it was so cool that all the students were dressed up. Of course they were in a state of shock and awe when an over zealous  co ed ran up to them and yelled “BOILER UP!”.Bella looked as if he had just cursed her out. Long story short we ate something and showed the girls where all of our favorite memories together were made, where we had lived, where we had classes, where we met, my first all girl dorm as a freshman,where we spent that first long night laying under the stars telling each other everything in the middle of those damn soccer fields, where he asked me to marry him, where he told me he loved me, where our lives changed forever.

Where the Big Guy Proposed January 28,1998

 

 

Picking maple leafs at Purdue

 

The famous “fountain”

The whole time, my chest was filled with pride to be sharing such a wonderful part of our history with our girls. It felt like being back in our first home as a “we”. It also was weird to be in a place that was such a momentous part of my past, standing there holding the hands of our future. It was weird, like the two could not exist simultaneously. At the same time it was amazing to be able to do so. To be able to watch my little girls walk the halls, paths and lie in the grass and touch the trees of the place that made me who I am today was a surreal feeling. To see my little girls in their Boilermaker princess t-shirts or pink polka dotted PURDUE t-shirts, traipsing along the streets that saw me turn into a woman almost brought me to tears. By the end of the day, hearing them yell”Boiler Up” to complete strangers, and for my Bella to say “Mommy, this is the best day ever” as she chomped on Mad Mushroom cheese sticks made my heart happy.

 

Outside the Liberal arts building; my old stomping grounds

 

 

Enjoying the campus

It reminded me of my time in college, starting out as a scared little girl afraid to leave home, thrust onto this huge campus with no one. I met my best friend that year in the dorms.The girl who would become fairy Godmother ( as Bella calls her) to my Bella, maid of honor in my wedding, my greatest ally in life aside from the Big Guy. She is the friend who is so close we are sisters.She is the friend who knows all of my flaws and secrets and still loves me. I  never have to be anything other than myself around her. We are so close that her family is mine and mine is hers. So close that my happiness is her joy and my sadness causes her to cry and I am the same for her.That was just the first year of college.

My girl in the same spot I took my first ever picture on campus on Move in day , freshman year!
Duhme darlings, baby!
My best friend, my sister, “hermanita”.

A time passed by I became the woman I was always supposed to be. I grew from a child who wanted and did childish things to a woman. College was where I loved, grew, cried, laughed, and learned to sort out who and what was really important to me.And
then it was the place where I met the greatest love of my life, the love of my life. It was where I learned what it meant to be all in.Its where I learned that love is not about who is in control, who has the most power or what you look like, its about giving your heart over to someone and knowing that they will take care of it and guard it with their life. It’s where I learned that beauty is only skin deep and first impressions are not always right. It’s where I learned that anything worth having is worth taking big risks for and going for it. Purdue is where I finally met “ME”.

 

 

 

 

I’m sure the girls did enjoy the day on campus but they will never know what this first trip with them meant to me and the Big Guy. I looked at him and saw the awkward, long and lanky alternative boy with the bleached blond hair and blue tips sporting an eyebrow ring that I had met at Harry’s. I’m sure he saw the spunky coed who was thin as a rail but could throw back the drinks with the frat boys.That girl who was fearless and carefree. The girl who would stay up all night lying in a field watching the stars and talking about our pasts and future all in that first night. I liked how that made me feel. Being back there was like coming full circle and I can’t wait to do it over and over again. Everything in my life worth having, began on that campus. It was the beginning to the biggest journey of my life and I think that makes it pretty much a sacred place for me. Sometimes the sweetest day of all is just stepping back, taking a deep breath , remembering where it all began and enjoying what you have accomplished in this life.

My heart will always be in West Lafayette!

 

My baby walking my old path to class ( also the same path to the Big Guy’s house:)

 

The wonderment that began at Purdue! Thank you Purdue for the most amazing memories and beginning to my lifetime!
BOILER UP, BABY!
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Yesterday, here in the Midwest, was Sweetest Day. Not familiar with the Hallmark Day? Well, don’t feel bad. I believe its only celebrated here in the Midwest. What can we say, we love LOVE! It’s basically Valentine Day’s little not so bright sister. Same idea on a much smaller scale.

All excited for the first road trip in the Jeep

The Big Guy and I decided that yesterday was a perfect day to take the girls back to where it all began… Purdue University. We woke up and spontaneously made the 2+ hour trip south. It was a gorgeous autumn day. The leaves were every shade of amber, yellow, red and brown, the sun was high in the blue sky, and it was perfect sweatshirt and jean weather.

Indiana autumn

It was very exciting for us to be back on campus. We haven’t been in about 8 years. We were living in another part of the country and then we had the girls and there’s just not been a “right” time to go back. But yesterday morning, it was time. The girls were just excited to go on a road trip in Daddy’s new jeep..its very loud and rugged and they think it is awesome.

Daddy and his girls

 

The place where it all began; September 29,1997

We got to campus and parked so we could go get something to eat at our favorite restaurant. Of course, we hadn’t counted on it being Homecoming weekend and Breakfast club still going on at noon.So we couldn’t take our girls to our favorite joint for loaded fries because they were still serving alcohol as a bar. We had to explain to my 5-year old why all the college students were running around in costumes ( in case you are not familiar with the term, breakfast club is when you stay up all night drinking then put on your most outrageous costume and continue drinking at 7 am until you pass out.) We wanted to show the girls where we met, Harry’s chocolate shop, of course, there was a line down the street because of homecoming drinking.

Daddy and the girls @ the engineering mall. His old stomping grounds.

We decided to find a restaurant before we all passed out from malnutrition and were violated by the costumed hooligans:) The littles just thought it was so cool that all the students were dressed up. Of course, hey were in a state of shock and awe when an over zealous co-ed ran up to them and yelled “BOILER UP!”. Bella looked as if he had just cursed her out. Long story short we ate something and showed the girls where all of our favorite memories together were made, where we had lived, where we had classes, where we met, my first all girl dorm as a

Long story short we ate something and showed the girls where all of our favorite memories together were made, where we had lived, where we had classes, where we met, my first all girl dorm as a freshman, where we spent that first long night laying under the stars telling each other everything in the middle of those damn soccer fields, where he asked me to marry him, where he told me he loved me and where our lives changed forever.

Where the Big Guy Proposed January 28,1998

 

 

Picking leafs at Purdue

 

The famous “fountain”

The whole time, my chest was filled with pride to be sharing such a wonderful part of our history with our girls. It felt like being back in our first home as a “we”. It also was weird to be in a place that was such a momentous part of my past, standing there holding the hands of our future. It was weird, like the two could not exist simultaneously. At the same time it was amazing to be able to do so. To be able to watch my little girls walk the halls, paths and lie in the grass and touch the trees of the place that made me who I am today was a surreal feeling. To see my little girls in their Boilermaker p

To see my little girls in their Boilermaker princess t-shirts or pink polka dotted PURDUE t-shirts, traipsing along the streets that saw me turn into a woman almost brought me to tears. By the end of the day, hearing them yell, “Boiler Up” to complete strangers, and for my Bella to say “Mommy, this is the best day ever” as she chomped on Mad Mushroom cheese sticks made my heart happy.

 

Outside the Liberal arts building; my old stomping grounds

 

 

Enjoying the campus

It reminded me of my time in college, starting out as a scared little girl afraid to leave home, thrust onto this huge campus with no one. I met my best friend that year in the dorms.The girl who would become fairy Godmother ( as Bella calls her) to my Bella, maid of honor in my wedding, my greatest ally in life aside from the Big Guy.

She is the friend who is so close we are sisters. She is the friend who knows all of my flaws and secrets and still loves me. I  never have to be anything other than myself around her. We are so close that her family is mine and mine are hers. So close that my happiness is her joy and my sadness causes her to cry and I am the same for her. That was just the first year of college.

My girl in the same spot I took my first ever picture on campus on Move in day , freshman year!

 

My best friend, my sister, “hermanita”.
 A time passed by I became the woman I was always supposed to be. I grew from a child who wanted and did childish things to a woman. College was where I loved, grew, cried, laughed, and learned to sort out who and what was really important to me.

And then it was the place where I met the greatest love of my life, the love of my life. It was where I learned what it meant to be all in. It’s where I learned that love is not about who is in control, who has the most power or what you look like, it’s about giving your heart over to someone and knowing that they will take care of it and guard it with their life. It’s where I learned that beauty is only skin deep and first impressions are not always right. It’s where I learned that anything worth having is worth taking big risks for and going for it. Purdue is where I finally met “ME”.

I’m sure the girls did enjoy the day on campus but they will never know what this first trip with them meant to me and the Big Guy. I looked at him and saw the awkward, long and lanky alternative boy with the bleached blond hair and blue tips sporting an eyebrow ring that I had met at Harry’s. I’m sure he saw the spunky coed who was thin as a rail but could throw back the drinks with the frat boys.That girl who was fearless and carefree. The girl who would stay up all night lying in a field watching the stars and talking about our pasts and future all in that first night. I liked how that made me feel.
Being back there was like coming full circle and I can’t wait to do it over and over again. Everything in my life worth having, began on that campus. It was the beginning of the biggest journey of my life and I think that makes it pretty much a sacred place for me. Sometimes the sweetest day of all is just stepping back, taking a deep breath , remembering where it all began and enjoying what you have accomplished in this life.

 

My baby walking my old path to class ( also the same path to the Big Guy’s house:)

 

The wonderment that began at Purdue! Thank you Purdue for the most amazing memories and beginning to my lifetime!
BOILER UP, BABY!
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virginia ultrasound law, government, abortion

virginia ultrasound law, government, abortion

Virginia Ultrasound Law ~Women have rights too

Virginia Ultrasound Law~The last time I checked, forcibly penetrating a woman’s body with a foreign object without consent was considered rape.
The unlawful compelling of a person through physical force or duress to have sexual intercourse.
Any act of sexual intercourse that is forced upon a person.

I just read the article about Virginia’s proposed ultrasound law. We’ve all known that Virginia was anti-abortion. The Virginia Ultrasound law mandates that a woman seeking an abortion be given a transvaginal ultrasound for no medical reason before being allowed to have the abortion procedure itself. As a woman of childbearing age, I am flabbergasted. As a mother of daughters, I am outraged. Apparently, under new Virginia legislation, in an effort to reduce the number of abortions performed in Virginia ( and shame women), the state is trying to implement the law that will require any woman seeking an abortion be forced to first surrender her dignity. Forced, not asked, to submit to a transvaginal ultrasound. To lay quietly on a cold medical table and accept her punishment like the villainous whore that Virginia government believes her to be, as she is violated to the full extent of the law. I wonder, will they brand her too?

This clear violation of human rights is government sanctioned rape. I understand why these men in power are trying to implement this law. Obviously, these assholes think that women are such overly emotional and low intelligence creatures that we don’t fully comprehend the weight of abortion. That we make a rash decision and if we could only be forced to look at the face of our unborn child or hear it’s heartbeat, we would crumble, fall to the ground and see the error of our wicked ways.

Do men not understand what a hard emotional, physical and spiritual decision abortion is? It is not one that any woman enters into lightly. It’s not like changing your panties or deciding what to have for lunch. It requires deep thought and due diligence and I’ve never known a woman who has had an abortion on a whim.

First of all, I’ve had a transvaginal ultrasound with my first pregnancy at 8 weeks due to some unexplained bleeding. I remember lying there frightened, holding back the tears as my eyes stung from the pain and violation that I was enduring. It is humiliating to lay there as some technician or doctor, fondles around inside your vagina pushing and prodding. It is a very dehumanizing experience.

A transvaginal ultrasound looks like a giant dildo and to get an accurate reading, it gets moved around and shoved internally pretty far. It should only be done in cases where the baby or mother may be at risk. No one should ever be forced, by the law, to endure this humiliating and extremely uncomfortable violation in the name of a slap on your wrist.

Virginia Ultrasound Law; More than an Intervention

Women are not children. We do not need a man to teach us how to behave or to force us into submission. We have thoughts and feelings. The implementation of the Virginia Ultrasound law takes away a woman’s basic human right.

Why do men think it is their God given right to force women to bend to their will? Should we have our choices taken away and be punished for being sexually active? Because we have a vagina does that make us subhuman? Are we less important or vital than a man?

The government is supposed to be for the people and by the people? Do those “people” only include those who have penises between their legs? I’ve got news for you, the people with the vaginas, we vote too? We are the people. We are the people who create the people. Without, we ‘people’ there would be none of ‘you’ people!

I find this Virginia Ultrasound law to be unconstitutional, shameful and appalling. Government has no business between a woman’s legs. Either side you fall on the abortion debate, do you think government should be able to forcibly administer a transvaginal ultrasound? What next, administering unnecessary colonoscopies for women who want to have their tubes tied? Forcing women known to engage in fellatio to submit to an endoscopy? What’s too far? How do we stop the Virginia Ultrasound law from setting a precedent that government can mandate what we do with out bodies?

The Virginia Ultrasound law rapes the American People

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James Holmes, Aurora, Colorado, Movie Massacre, Shootings

James Holmes, Aurora, Colorado, Movie Massacre, Shootings

James Holmes; A Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing

James Holmes, what’s left to be said about you that has not already been said? James Holmes it’s been speculated that you are a psychotic or a sociopath. But I think you know exactly what you are doing, just like you knew what you were doing when you walked into that crowded theater in Aurora, Colorado and started shooting people like fish in a barrel calling yourself the Joker. You are not the Dark Knight.You are not crazy. You are just an asshole who needs a psychiatric evaluation to prove it once and for all. Pretending evidence bags wrapped on your hands are sock puppets is not funny. You are not criminally insane and you should be held accountable for the pain you have caused; the lives you have taken and the collective innocence you have violated.

James Holmes, you do have a problem, you are a narcissist with a God complex. You think you are untouchable and above reproach. The sad thing is that for you, James Holmes, there is no punishment that will ever punish you as you deserve to be punished. That punishment will come in good time. As for now, there is no satisfaction for the victims and the family and friends of the victims. As you sit in jail, with your Joker hair and spitting at guards, making a spectacle of yourself, the rest of the world mourns for your victims. There is no sympathy to be had for you; no matter what issues your defense team may concoct to save you from the death penalty. To the world, you are already dead.

You are a monster; a plague on society, the likes of the monster  Osama Bin Laden. You came into a place we all felt safe by cover of night and you attacked like a coward. You saw our vulnerability and you came in the night like a thief with your bright cartoon orange hair and your semi-automatic weapons and you robbed us of our security forever. The killings can never be undone. Your horror story will haunt us long after you are gone.

That night in Aurora, Colorado your behavior took children from their mothers, parents from children, husbands from wives, lovers, friends and family from one another. James Holmes you have caused destruction that will be felt for years to come. You will be the cautionary tale that parents tell their children before sending them to the movies on their own for the very first time. You will be the cause for contingency plans and metal detectors in all public places. The media has sensationalized a lone gunman, but you are really nothing more than a wounded and weak man.

James Holmes You are Not Above the Law

I can tell by your nonchalant regard for the law and the destruction that you have caused that you have no value for human life. You didn’t run when you were caught because you didn’t care what they thought of your actions.  You surrendering was a giant “Fuck you, you can’t touch me. The damage is done.” You had somewhat accomplished what you came to do and you felt that no one can hurt you because you are above reproach. In your mind, everyone else is nobody. You had the audacity to boobie trap your entire apartment to the extent that the intention was to cut the first person in half who walked through the door, adding one more victim to your tally.

I’m not sure why you warned the authorities about the explosives in your apartment; were you bragging in your narcissistic delusion? Or, perhaps, your last shred of humanity was peaking through. You are dangerous, James Holmes, because you have nothing left to lose. Did your parents not show you enough attention? Were the girls mean to you? Did you have no friends growing up? Well, guess what? We all have fucking problems. No one’s life is perfect but we don’t all go buy semi-automatic weapons and kill people because we feel mistreated. If that were the case, the entire species would have been eliminated centuries ago.

I don’t know what went wrong in your life to cause you to have no respect for the human race, life in general or your own future but it must be awful living with yourself now. Knowing all the pain and destruction that you have caused, and spending the rest of your life in jail while receiving death threats won’t be any fun. No one tolerates a murderer of kids, not even other murderers. You will always be in danger and always be hated by the public.

You, James Holmes, the Joker, Dark Knight, you get my throat punch this week. May God have mercy on your soul because no one else will. May you live a long life behind bars and may the guilt and fear that will eventually be your constant companion keep you in its bosom and hold you tightly. May you know the fear that you caused those 70 people in that Aurora, Colorado Theater at the midnight screening of the Dark Knight.

What are your thoughts on James Holmes and the Aurora, Colorado theater massacre?


Photo: RJ Sangosti/Denver Post/AP Photo

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Yoselyn Ortega, Krim Family, Marina Krim, Murder, Nanny, New York

I’ve been thinking a lot about Marina Krim and her children waiting to see what excuse their nanny, Yoselyn Ortega, gives for murdering Lucia and Leo Krim. I have been following the Krim murder case since the day it happened. It is one of those cases that I need answers to. When something so horrendous happens in the world, I need an explanation to be able to wrap my brain around it and process it. I called for prayers for the Krim family but now I want justice for the Krim family.

Unless you’ve been living under a rock, two weeks ago, Marina Krim, returned home from swimming lessons with her 3-year-old Nessie to find every mother’s nightmare. The nanny, Yoselyn Ortega, who Marina considered part of the family and entrusted on a daily basis with her children’s well being, had brutally stabbed and murdered her children.  Then, in front of Marina Krim, Yoselyn Ortega turned the knife on herself.

 

Yoselyn Ortega, Krim Family, Marina Krim, Murder, Nanny, New York

This is a wolf in sheep’s clothing, Yoselyn Ortega

In my book, that was the only merciful thing Yoselyn Ortega did for Marina Krim.

I’ve yet to get my explanation as to what really happened that day at the Krim family home. As time goes by, more evidence comes out. In the latest interview of Yoselyn Ortega by the police, she has told them that she was disenchanted with Marina Krim on the day of the murders. She says that the Krim family treated her badly. Yoselyn Ortega says that she was underpaid, overworked and that Marina Krim was a bad woman, a crappy mother and that Marina Krim didn’t say goodbye to her the day of the murders and it hurt her feelings.

You know what I hear? Wah, Wah, Wah! This bitch is mean. She got pissed at her employer, because she is a spiteful, horrible person and then, just to hurt them irrevocably, she brutally murdered two small, innocent children, Leo and Lucia Krim.

I’ve read all kinds of crazy reactions to this case. People somehow placing blame on Marina and Kevin Krim.  Onlookers judgmentally saying that Marina Krim was an entitled mother who didn’t care about her children, only using them as blog fodder but not really wanting to actually take care of them.  The key word in that sentence is “entitled” people somehow think it’s a sin to have nice things, to be wealthy. I don’t know the Krims but I know that becoming wealthy takes a lot of hard work and drive so there is no entitlement to it. Besides, when did it become a sin punishable by murdering your children to have money? People are justifying Yoselyn Ortega’s brutal murdering ways because they feel that the poor nanny with her money problems and mental problems needed more attention.

Fuck her. She was an employee. Sure they may have cared for her but they hired her to take care of their children. That was her job. If she couldn’t do her job, I don’t think it is logical that people think the Krims should have paid her to have the privilege of coddling her and dealing with her issues. They tried to help her. They gave her extra jobs to earn more money. She didn’t like the jobs they gave her. Tough shit. From what I am seeing, she is lazy and crazy and a murdering, sadistic person. I’d like to see her get the death penalty. The truth is that this could happen to any one of us.

 

Yoselyn Ortega, Krim Family, Marina Krim, Murder, Nanny, New York, Lucia Krim, Leo Krim

If you think she deserves mercy, remember there was no mercy for little Leo and Lucia, only betrayal and brutality.

Yoselyn Ortega brutally and painfully murdered Marina Krim ‘s two beautiful children that loved and trusted her.

She violated that sacred covenant between children, the nanny who loves them and the parents who trust these women to protect them and care for them. All nannies aren’t bad people; parents who have nannies aren’t lazy parents. Yoselyn Ortega was a crazy bitch and unless the situation was that Marina Krim chained her up to a radiator naked, beating her and depriving her of food and water, not paying her and making her care for her children and then Yoselyn Ortega slit Marina’s throat while trying to escape that nightmare, this case can never be justified.

I think people are scared and clutching at any explanation as to why a nanny would murder her charges because it truly is unthinkable. We want to place blame on someone, anyone. We don’t want to think that this could happen to any one of us. We don’t want to believe that bad things happen to good parents but they do. So, it’s easier for some people to blame Marina Krim for being a bad mother, for mistreating her nanny, for having a good life, or for being a bad person but she wasn’t.

Bottom line is that Yoselyn Ortega is a fucking mean and vengeful monster who deserved to have died along with those children. If I were Marina, I would have decapitated that bitch with the same knife she murdered my babies with. These are not thoughts that a mother should think but no mother should ever have to endure what Marina Krim has had to survive. Yoselyn Ortega deserves to suffer the same fate that she inflicted on little Lucia and Leo.

 

Yoselyn Ortega, Krim Family, Marina Krim, Murder, Nanny, New York

If mercy for Yoselyn Ortega comes to your mind, as a mother, imagine the all-consuming pain Marina Krim was/is feeling over the loss of her two beautiful children. Yoselyn Ortega did this!

My thoughts and prayers are with the Krim family and more specifically, Marina Krim. I imagine that every day that she keeps herself above ground is a win for her family. I’m also confident that what propels her forward is her love for her only surviving child, Nessie. May God bless this family and give them the strength to endure this grief.

As for Yoselyn Ortega, I pray that she experiences the same mercy that she extended to the Krim children. Perhaps, we should bring back quartering just this once. Yoselyn Ortega makes me sick and may her journey to hell be slow and painful.

What do you think would be justice served for Yoselyn Ortega and retribution for Marina Krim?

Photos & Reuters/Carlo Allegri[/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container]

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spy, spying on your teen, nanny cam, invasion of privacy


Would you ever put a hidden camera in your teen’s room to spy on them?
Forget for a second about the invasion of privacy aspect, is there anything that you wouldn’t do to make sure that your child was alright? What if meant the difference between life and death? What if your child were in danger? Would you spy on your teen?

Last night, I read an interesting post on a parenting board. A divorced couple has a 15-year-old daughter and share custody. This past weekend the girl was staying the night with her father and stepmother. When she went to bed around 1:30 in the morning, she noticed a green light glowing near her vanity mirror. She went to investigate what was there, hidden beneath a scarf that was draped over the side of the mirror was a hidden camera. She freaked out and called her mother to come get her. She never wants to go back there again. I understand feeling like your privacy was violated, especially when you are an almost 16-year-old girl. I am sure that she was fuming.

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Today, my Mother in law and I took the girls to the splash pad. The day was gorgeous, 90 degree weather, the sun was shining, there was a slight breeze blowing. It was the perfect type of day to take the girls to a wonderful wholesome  fun family activity; the local parks department splash pad. My girls are water babies and in the heat, the splash pad is the safest way for preschoolers to beat the heat…or so I thought.
We arrive and the girls are overcome with excitement, dressed in the new bikinis that their Grandma ChaCha had gotten them for this visit. Bella was over the moon about the cheetah print bikini with the hot pink piping on the edges and Gabi was sporting a red, white and blue striped bikini as beautifully as only a 3 year old American girl next door could. They were absolutely adorable.
It was seriously about 100 degrees out, so the splash pad was packed with children running through the glistening cool water.At first the girls were filled with trepidation, it was a little overwhelming with all of the bigger kids running about but soon they became acclimated and were having the time of their life.
Grandma ChaCha and I sat on the bench ,looking on at the girls, mentally recording every grin and smile. Then I started snapping pictures because the girls were just too irresistible not to. It was another one of those days that you just knew memories were happening. Then it all changed.
The splash pad is in the middle of a public park. We had noticed early on that there was a man training a Border Collie. I am always uber aware of our surroundings. I am a people watcher by nature.We thought it was ridiculous but hey , it was his dog and whatever…. we had human babies to watch. Then the man walked his dog over to the splash pad. Not necessarily a great thing to do but whatever, as long as he kept the dog close to him and kept it away from the children. Of course, every single child ( with the exception of mine) ran over to pet the obviously dehydrated Border Collie. My children asked but, first I don’t let my kids pet strange dogs and second, quite frankly, something about this man gave me the heebie jeebies…before he even opened his mouth to talk.  He kept skulking around, watching the kids run through the fountains as they sporadically came up to him and asked to pet the dog. It felt like he was one of those guys who uses their dogs to pick up girls but these “girls” were actually “girls” ages 2- 13. I kept my girls close without alarming them…or him. But for some reason, he kept gravitating toward where we were. He kept circling where we were sitting, and then he came in for conversation. The girls were oblivious but he kept smiling at them and trying to engage my Mother in law and myself. At first, I was pleasant. After all, I wasn’t raised in a cave but then things got weird. He smiled at my 3 year old, practically salivating and licking his lips ( like a man who is speaking to Pamela Anderson while she’s wearing her bikini) and says, “My , you sure are a cute little thing!” And then he proceeded to keep trying to chat up me and my Mother in law.Now, it wasn’t exactly what he said but how he said it and the way he was looking at my girls that sent off my Mommy intuition/alarm. I don’t leave anything to chance when it comes to my daughters , I’d much rather insult an adult with my over protectiveness than let my child get hurt because I was too trusting and I think most parents understand that view point. Our children are the priority,all else is less important…period! Then I noticed him sizing up my 5 year old, as he was talking.I felt my skin crawl. At this point, I was despondent towards him and pretty much ignoring his very existence.My main focus was trying to figure out how the hell to get out of this situation short of saying,”Can you please get your creepy mind the fuck off my children you sick bastard!!” So, I tell my girls…”5 minutes, we’ve got to go meet Grandpa!” My Mother in law, looked like she was on high alert as well, so something was definitely not right with this man. He continued trying to engage us, then it went completely creepy. He proceeds to talk at us and tell us that he was in the service but came out and immediately had himself fixed ( why would you tell a complete stranger this? I think what he meant to say was after he was caught for being a molester he was chemically castrated!) because he didn’t want children ( then why are you hanging around the splash pad full of children, Chester?) and he continues to say that it is so easy to have kids, “You blink and you have like four kids!” Something in his tone was as if he were implying that children were disposable. I know you may be thinking to yourself, this woman is completely overreacting. But if you were there, you know that feeling you get when something is most definitely not right with someone? That was the feeling that  I had. My stomach was in knots; this man had me about to vomit he made me so nervous being around my children. I suddenly felt creeped out and insulted simultaneously ( it was a train wreck of creepy activity) It felt like that any minute he was capable of pulling out a knife and grabbing my girls and running off…in broad day light…he was that CREEPY!! I grabbed my girls with nothing more than a ,” Let’s go.” I covered them up and we left. Normally, I would have changed them in the car but this freak started following behind us. I was prepared for battle. I was pissed, freaked out, and scared all at the same time. Endorphins was oozing from my pours.My fight or flight response was in overdrive.I have never come in contact with someone whom, I felt, actually were a threat to my children. But this man made me feel afraid for them. It was reminiscent of that scene in the original Texas Chainsaw massacre when the creepy guy gets in the van and then cuts himself and they are stuck in the van with him. You know you don’t want him there, but you are afraid of what might happen if you spook him, Needless to say, we will NEVER go to that splash pad again..EVER.
The moral of the story; it is our moral obligation that if something feels wrong for our children,as their protectors, we must do whatever it takes to keep them safe, no matter how crazy it seems.My only regret is that I didn’t call the cops on this guy for lurking around the splash pad accosting mothers and leering at children and that I didn’t grab my girls and run the minute he looked in their general direction. By the time we left, only about 10 minutes had passed from start to finish but I felt dirty and violated.What do you think? Did I over react? Or does Mommy intuition trump all rhyme or reason?

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online imposters, blogging, plagiarism, safety online

Something bizarre happened this weekend, someone pretended to be me; leaving me to wonder who the real moms online are and who are the online imposters?

This is the first time I’ve ever been aware of anyone doing this where I was involved. Someone pretended to be me online. I don’t mean they copied my posts and swiped my words, it went beyond that. Unfortunately, I have become used to the plagiarism after 5 years of blogging and I’ve learned how to stop it. I’ve never had someone actually try to pass themselves off as me…the person.

It was brought to my attention that someone had actually created a fake account using my name and photo. I have an imposter pretending to be me online. Imagine my surprise when I see a comment supposedly left by me, only it wasn’t. I do not like being forced to take responsibility for words that I didn’t actually write. God knows that I write enough things to get me in trouble all on my own. Anyways, it left me feeling decidedly vulnerable and violated. Someone had invaded my privacy on a very personal level. It made me begin to question everything.

I’ve put a lot of trust in you, Internet. I know that you are not infallible. I forget that the Internet is not just filled with a whole bunch of moms reaching out for friendship and support. The Internet is full of weirdos; pedophiles, imposters and single white females just waiting for the chance to prey on some poor unsuspecting schmuck. Do we really know anyone?

I feel like from now on, every time I write I should be asking myself Who are the real “moms” & who are the online imposters?

Who are harmless crazy cat ladies sitting in their one room apartments playing with their 10 Reborn baby dolls? Who are the 300-pound, balding perverts who live in their mom’s basement and touch themselves while reading about your children losing a tooth or crying from a booboo? Who are the single white females who sit in their home alone reading about every detail of your pregnancy while doing a little legwork and soon knows where you live and when your baby is due? The crazy lady who wants a baby so badly that she’s willing to befriend you and then cut you open like a fish and take your baby?

We never know who we are talking to; in person or in real life. The guy you worked with at Arby’s could turn out to be a pedophile 20 years later. The guy you went to prom with could secretly dress up like a woman and write erotica. The mom you’ve been sharing every detail about your life with online could really be some man in Brooklyn who has no kids and gets his rocks off reading about yours.

This past weekend has left me with two thoughts; people are really bat shit crazy. I don’t mean crazy like you and I and in need of some sleep and Xanax. I mean off the reserve, scary and dangerous crazy. People who pretend to be others online are creepy on a very deep level. Two, I don’t know if this space is really one that I want to be a part of anymore.

I used to be so naïve and I thought people who wrote about rainbows and unicorns all the time were trying to hide something out of a need to protect themselves from criticism but now, I realize that the lack of transparency was probably born out of an innate need to protect themselves from actual crazy people who can steal every detail of your life and make it their own but I don’t know if I can blog in any other way than with complete openness. One imposter has lied so much that she has convinced herself that the person whose life she’s stolen is the imposter and she will fight anyone who says otherwise. I find that to be very frightening because obviously the lines between fantasy and reality have been blurred so badly that she no longer recognizes which is which.

When I think of the personal stories and photos that I have shared on this blog, it makes me cringe to think what could be done with all of it in the wrong hands. It’s also made me reassess what I want this space to be. I’m not sure the pros outweigh the cons anymore. I just want to write and connect with other moms. I am nobody special, the other bloggers who have had imposter accounts made in their names and my friend who is literally having someone steal her life, we are just moms trying to connect to one another and somewhere in all of that, we’ve let an imposter infiltrate our community but what is the alternative? From behind the screen, do any of us really know who the online imposters are or who we are really talking to?

Can you tell the difference between the online imposters and the “real” moms online?

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