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Halloween, Happy Halloween, Haloween Costumes, Holly Go Lightly, Cowgirl, Clockwork orange

Halloween, Happy Halloween, Haloween Costumes, Holly Go Lightly, Cowgirl, Clockwork orange

This is how Halloween Began for my cowgirl and Little Audrey Hepburn a la Holly Go Lightly

Happy Halloween!  Are you all still enjoying the Halloween candy hangover? My girls are still floating high on that sugar and I’m afraid when they come down they are going to crash and burn. I really don’t understand why the day after Halloween is not made into a national holiday so that kids can stay home from school and sleep in. It’s only right. It’s not cool having Halloween on a weekday, especially one so close to Thursday. Find me a politician who promises to make it a holiday and stay the hell out of my reproduction business and I’m voting for her.

The last couple of weeks have been a blur. Tomorrow, I can finally exhale. Good thing too, since I’m pretty sure that my back has gone out ( again). That’s what I get for walking around the neighborhood in the dark, cold and rain. But then again, what won’t we do for our kids…and a Heath bar?

We love Halloween, it’s the one day of the year that ,no matter your age, station or socio-economic rank, everyone can dress up like someone else and pretend in good fun. This Halloween, we attended our first zombie parade which was surreal to say the least. It may not have been the smartest idea considering that our children are 5 and 7. I say this will all certainty because both girls have been in our beds every night since seeing the zombie walk in our downtown Halloween celebration.

happy halloween, halloween, the Walking Dead,zombies, zombie parade

Not the Brightest Halloween Idea for kids under 10

For Halloween, we had decided months ago that the 7-year-old would be Jasmine and the 5-year-old would be Cinderella. It was going to perfect, except than life happened. Being Jasmine for Halloween in the Midwest, is like having the bright idea to wear flip flop to climb Mt.Everest. It’s not gonna happen. So in the past week that Halloween costume got scrapped and my 7-year-old decided that she wanted to go as Holly Go Lightly from Breakfast at Tiffanys. How could I ever deny my child to want to go trick-or-treating as the amazing, Audrey Hepburn? I couldn’t. We made it happen.

My 5-year-old decided that if her sister was changing outfits than of course she had to too. Halloween  is just not Halloween without at least 3 costume changes. So, Cinderella ended up being a cowgirl ( just like last year. Oh wait, last year she was Jesse from Toy Story but this year she was the world’s MOST adorable cowgirl. I’m serious I have documentation.)

Why a cowgirl you ask? Because my 5-year-old has a pair of cowboy boots that she is in love with and she built her entire costume around that pair of shoes. A girl after my own heart. Halloween was hectic and crazy, and my kids were wired on sugar and adrenaline, while I happily maneuvered the streets of our new neighborhood meeting all of the neighbors alongside my sister-in-law, while the Big Guy and the Big boys (and grandparents) hung back and made chili, had a campfire and handed out candy to the plethora of children begging for candy all throughout the neighborhood. It was brilliant and will be even more awesome if I don’t die of pneumonia from it.

We came home, all a little wetter and more exhausted than when we were when we left but there is nothing quite like hearing the laughter of children, while sitting around enjoying chili and conversation with family on Halloween.

All in all, we had a blast. After a crazy end of the month for mommy, who had the bright idea to organize both girls’ school Halloween parties (don’t try this at home folks, it’s not as easy as it sounds) and then invite the entire family over the night of Halloween and try to mingle with the neighbors, it ended up just perfect. For the first time in 3 years, the girls, the Big Guy and I were in our own house, surrounded by neighbors, family and friends and , in the end, home is where the heart is and my heart is wherever the Big Guy and our girls are at. How was your Halloween?

What did your kids dress up for on Halloween? Please share all the Halloween costumes on my Facebook page, I’d love to see them.

Halloween, costumes, family, fun, Happy Halloween

Happy Halloween 2012

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ATMOSTFX, Halloween, How to win the creepiest house on the block, digital decorating, #ATMOSFX

Disclosure: I was provided some of the products I mentioned by AtmosFX but all opinions and love of Halloween and tips for how to have the creepiest house on the block this Halloween is all mine.I scream! You scream! We all scream for Halloween! Well, you do if you’re doing it right anyway. Is Halloween your favorite holiday? Do you live for all things spooky and spectacular?

I scream! You scream! We all scream for Halloween! Well, you do if you’re doing it right anyway. Is Halloween your favorite holiday? Do you live for all things spooky and spectacular?

It’s Friday the 13th and you can bet that I am binge watching Jason Vorhees slash some teenagers trying to have sex. What a c-block, right? Having Jason Vorhees around is like having little kids in the house but with a machete.The point is I love Halloween, always have.

We are crazy for Halloween. It’s not just me. The Big Guy, our girls, my brothers and sisters and myself. We love to scare and be scared. The bigger the fright, the better the night.

Starting in August (sometimes before) we’re planning our costumes, by September we’re setting up our decorations and by mid-September, you can bet we are binge-watching all the horror movies on all the days. We live for Fright Fest and the Zombie walk. I know, it’s a bit much but it is what it is and it is full on our favorite holiday.

Every year we try to kick it up a notch. The family costumes get a little more intricate and we’re aiming for straight up scary. As the girls get a bit older we are able to decorate a little creepier with a little more of a macabre factor. When they were young, it was all about the blow-up decoration. In fact, we have a witch that we bought the year we found out that we were pregnant with Bella. I can still see her as a toddler sitting on her dad’s lap as they figured out the fan and blew the friendly witch up.

Ever wonder, how to have the creepiest house on the block?

As the girls grew, so did our collection of blow-ups to the point where all the neighborhood children came to the yard, every day to see what was new; parents were pushing strollers down in front of my lawn showing their toddlers that there is nothing to be afraid of at our house. It was “fun”. But this year, we’re upping the wow- EEE as in screaming factor.

ATMOSTFX, Halloween, How to win the creepiest house on the block, digital decorating, #ATMOSFX

This year, thanks to the graciousness of AtmosFX, we have discovered the piece de resistance in outdoor ( and indoor) decorating…Digital decorating! Y’all know we are tech nerds up in this house but this year, with the help of some exciting new products like the ATMOS FX Digital decorating kit and ATMOSFX Media Player with Motion Sensor, Premium window projection material, Hollusion Projection Material ( to hang in the yard and create holograms of the most macabre Halloween site on our block ever), the AtmosFX Digital ProDecorating Kit 2017 and the 3DFX Inflatable Form and accompanying digital download decorations.

This is how to have the creepiest house on the block this Halloween using AMOSFX!

What does all of this mean? This means that in my yard this year, in addition to the blow up witch, black cat, pumpkins, and bat there will be zombies trying to escape from the house, dancing skeletons in the graveyard assembled in our front yard and greetings from a particularly nefarious child ghoul at our front door, all accompanied by a spooky soundtrack, a smoke machine and strobe lights. I seriously can’t wait.

The best part is, not only do we get to earn the title of scariest house in the neighborhood this year, at Christmas time we simply change the projections and become the most elaborately decorated house in the neighborhood. I’ve always wanted to put a Nutcracker scene in the yard since our girls are ballerinas and it has been such a big part of our lives for the past 8 years. This year, I can do that because I can project a winter wonderland, complete with Santa and the Sugar Plum Fairy and the Nutcracker himself. It’s going to be awesome but first, we scare the neighborhood this Halloween.

If you love Halloween scares as much as we do, and you probably do, I would highly recommend checking out ATMOSFX. There is still time to get your scare on this Halloween Night!

I’m sharing some pics in this post but will be sure to share some live video on Halloween night of all the decorations in action.

ATMOSTFX, Halloween, How to win the creepiest house on the block, digital decorating, #ATMOSFX

What are you dressing as for Halloween this year? What’s your favorite decoration/fright that you’ve ever seen while trick or treating or out on Halloween night? What do you do to be the creepiest house on the block? Have you ever used ATMOSFX to kick your Halloween decorations up a digital notch?



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Halloween, binge worthy shows, Netflix, Stream Team

It’s Halloween and all things creepy are going on in my house. Halloween is our favorite holiday. We love to be scared and dress up as a family. Each year, we try to up our Halloween game a little bit more from the previous year. This year we let the tween chose the costume theme and drumroll please, thanks to her love of all things Cirque du Soleil Kurios and a binge watching of Steampunk’d, we are all going to be dressing steampunk this Halloween.

Now, that would all be awesome and good except for one small faux pas. All three of we girls in the family ended up with the exact same costume. Yep, you heard me right, I’m going to be “that” mom this Halloween. I swear I’m not trying to hold on to my fleeting youth by dressing like my tween.

It just so happened that the 9-year-old and I got the same dress, just slightly different because it was the only Steampunk costume around that didn’t look pornographic on my boobs. Hers has a mesh covering on the neckline. The tween went completely off script and ordered a costume from some obscure costume shop…she missed the fine print about it being located in China! And that my friends are why that costume has still not arrived (don’t order costumes from Light in the Box..unless you’re planning on ordering in July if you want it by Halloween.)

So today after school we made a detour to Spirit Halloween and guess who else is now wearing the same costume as her little sister and her mom? Did I mention that I am mortified? My husband the Steam Punk gentleman and his three steampunk triplets! How embarrassing, right? Now, how do I rock this damn costume better than my tween? Because it has to be done. I can’t be outshined by an 11-year-old!

But before all this costume drama unfolds this weekend, this weekend I will be binging on all the Halloween shows I can fit into my days…sort of like the way you binge on Halloween chocolate on Halloween night after the kids fall asleep. You know what I mean, don’t play innocent.

If you are looking for some great Halloween favorites to binge watch on Netflix here are a few I’d recommend!

Horror Series
Containment, Stranger Things, American Horror Story, IZombie, Scream, The Walking Dead, Penny dreadful and The Vampire Diaries.

Classic Horror Movies
Children of the Corn, Curse of Chucky, The Amityville Horror and HellRaiser.

Halloween for the Family
Hotel Transylvania 2, Addams Family, GOOSEBUMPS, Girl Vs. Monster and Practical Magic.

What’s your favorite Halloween movie or show?

Disclosure: I am a Netflix stream team member but all opinions on best Halloween movies are my own.

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Lizzo, Halloween, Lizzo costume, Racially insensitive halloween costumes, cultural appropriations

Halloween is next week and I’m not going to lie, I want to be Lizzo. But I’m not sure I can do it because my skin is white. I’m Mexican but my skin didn’t get the memo. I’m a freckled Mexican and that’s ok because Latinos come in all shades of the rainbow. But I’m not black and I don’t know if it’s ok for me to be a famous black woman for Halloween?

Lizzo is such an inspiration to me. In honesty, Melissa Vivianne Jefferson may be one of my favorite people in pop culture right now. She is such a strong, straight up, force and I love that my girls have someone like Lizzo to see in the world right now. There is something about her that speaks to my soul, in a way that I’ve not felt connected to art in a long time. She is truth for so many girls and women.

Lizzo, Halloween, Lizzo costume, Racially insensitive halloween costumes, cultural appropriationsREAD ALSO: Happy Halloween, No Treat for You Fatty

Halloween is a favorite holiday at our house. We all get into it. We have, by far, the creepiest decorated house on the block. We have an annual Halloween party. We do family costumes and Zombie walks and on any given weekend, you will find us, as a family, binge-watching horror movies. We’re that family.

Halloween costumes are more than just dressing up as our favorite heroes or villains for a night, it’s the chance to emulate some of the people we love most in history and pop culture. I’ve been everyone from Bing Bong to Miranda Sings and Carrie White for Halloween. This year our family costume for the party is the Addams family. I will be playing the role of Morticia for the evening. But for the big night, Halloween, I really want to be Lizzo. This bitch is 100% that bitch.

Lizzo, Halloween, Lizzo costume, Racially insensitive halloween costumes, cultural appropriations

However, as a POC (if you know me IRL, you know that I can be any shade from alabaster to a golden goddess with my olive Latina skin) I find myself asking if I can be Lizzo because y’all know that I’m not about that appropriations life.

READ ALSO: Easy Dia de Los Muertos Make-up Tutorial

Lizzo, Halloween, Lizzo costume, Racially insensitive halloween costumes, cultural appropriations

I am a bi-cultural Latina woman who grew up in an urban African American neighborhood in Chicago. While my skin may be white and my culture may be Mexican, black people have always been a part of my story. I see color and I respect differences but to me, people are people. But as someone who has written about cultural appropriations and admonished those who’ve done it and warned others against doing it, would I be appropriating if I dressed as Lizzo, a strong black woman who I admire?

I think the fact that I’m even asking and giving pause, is a sign that I just shouldn’t do it. But at the same time, I feel like I’m a curvy woman with long wavy hair who loves and respects Lizzo and I really want to play Lizzo for a night. No, I won’t be adding padding or altering the color of my skin. It’ll just be me, as Lizzo. But that’s the thing about appropriations, right? I can be Lizzo for a night but then I can be Debi again. Debi the white Latina who blends in almost everywhere. And that is what is really giving me pause.

READ ALSO: Best Horror Movies to Watch with your Teens

So, I’m coming to you Internet and I know you’ll give it to me straight because isn’t that what the Internet loves to do?

Lizzo, Halloween, Lizzo costume, Racially insensitive halloween costumes, cultural appropriations

Is it inappropriate for this white Latina to dress up as Lizzo for Halloween?

I don’t want to be Lizzo because of her outrageous outfits (while the That Bitch outfit is amazing and I’d feel like a boss wearing it around my neighborhood) but I want to be Lizzo for the night because she is a force to be reckoned with. She is strong, vivacious and full of self-love. She has life figured out. All the things that women struggle with universally, she’s already had a come to Jesus meeting about and she has made peace with it. She is a strong female, maybe one of the strongest in pop culture, and I want to be that iconic empowered character for one night. It’s sort of like dressing up as Wonder Woman with slightly more clothes and 1000% more relatable to every woman.

Well, if this mama can’t dress up like Lizzo for a night, I guess I’ll just get tickets to a concert, wear the t-shirt and support her in all the ways I can because the world definitely needs more women like Lizzo in the world.

What say you, internet? Can I dress up as Lizzo for Halloween without being a skeevy culturally appropriating jerk?

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shark week, shark, tween, referee, halloween ,costume

Halloween is here. Why does shark week always happen at the most inopportune times; vacations, honeymoon and every single holiday ever. I suppose that could explain it all, right? Shark week is upon us again, of course it has decided to fall right on one of my favorite holidays of the year, Halloween. I am quite realistically playing the exorcist in my real life right now, not of my own volition. Shark week has descended upon me like an unwelcome guest and I am trying my best to not hurt anyone but it’s getting harder and harder when I am faced with outlandish ignorance at almost every turn. Shark week will not be denied. Try as I may to resist the allure of Shark Week, it’s getting hard with what I have been faced with in the last couple of days.

The Shark Week Cometh

While I am in the throes of Shark week, I have been running like a maniac to organize the world’s greatest Halloween party because I am a total Type -A over-achieving  room mother freak. Yes, I totally brought this upon myself only if YOU are a Type -A, like me, you know that it’s near impossible for a control freak to relinquish enough control to delegate. I do. I delegate but then I go a little stir crazy waiting for people to do what they say they will do. I have learned over the years to let things go but it still makes me a little tense add to that the fact that last week happened to be one of those weeks when little mean girls decided to hurt my little girls (Yes, plural both of my girls were hurt by mean girls last week).

Speaking of crazy little girls and their crazy mothers, one of the mean girls by association , invited my daughter to her birthday party. I hadn’t RSVPd because my kid starts rehearsals for the Nutcracker and we hadn’t found out the date. Let’s just say we’ve got a shiton of things on our plate and making it to a 7 year old mean girls birthday party is not a priority, especially not on shark week. I received a call from the kids mother to check if we were coming. Let’s get this straight now, I CAN READ. If I have not RSVPd and I knew the date of RSVP then you should assume to count us out because if we are big enough assholes not to respond then who wants us at your mean girl by association party anyway, right? Just me?

Anyways, Mean Girl by Association Mom calls me not once, but twice to check if we were coming. I ask what the little girl would like and the Mom’s response , “Well, She loves Justin Bieber so anything Justin Bieber would be great. She is crazy for him. He’s so cute.” I am scratching my head because,as you may already know, I think kids should be kids. She’s turning 7 not 13 so there should really be no boy crazy hormones that are responsible for her underage case of raging Bieber Fever. My girls are still into princesses and Barbies. I’m not allowing any Justin Bieber posters, dolls, musical toothbrushes, or “Future Mrs.Bieber” teddy bears in my house. Not only am I not allowing it, I am discouraging it. If it’s about the music that’s one thing but to be , at 7, thinking “He’s so cute” WTF? Not appropriate. I guess whatever, it’s not my kid but this is part of the problem with our kids today. Aside from dressing them all like tiny hookers, they make it almost impossible for them to be children because they are shoving pubescence down their throats from about the age of three.

The View from Shark Week

Speaking of shoving pubescence down your throat and dressing little girls like hookers, have you seen the costumes they make for little girls of the “tween” age and more disturbingly for kids of the “Tween size”? My daughter is only 6 but she wears a 8-10 in a costume because she is so tall. I fear the costumes available in her size for her next year are more like something a tiny little stripper might wear on theme night at the Hustler Club than a Halloween costume for a child! Does anyone need teen pregnancy explained any further? Really, because I’m pretty sure that I know what’s going on…we are shoving sex down our children’s throats at every turn. Are we such a sexualized  society that we can’t even see that we are doing something wrong anymore?Have we crossed the line so far that we actually find a sexualized 11 year old as acceptable?

Obviously, I don’t live in a vacuum and I know there are different strokes for different folks but I find it increasingly irritating that people complain about the state of the world; childhood obesity, over sexualized teens, global warming, the state of the economy and so much more but these are all things that we can fix, if we are willing to take responsibility for what we are doing. We are not some helpless victims of circumstances we are willing participants in the hell in a hand-basket mentality that we collectively share. I don’t think shark week is making me particularly bitchy,I just think that shark week is allowing me to see a little more clearly the cracks in the foundation. What are your thoughts on Bieber Fever for the barely in school age and Hootchie Halloween costumes for the barely pubescent? Happy Halloween and Happy Shark Week.

Hell Hath No Fury Like  Woman on Shark Week

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Halloween, Halloween 2013, costumes, Magenta, VElma Kelly

Tonight is Halloween. Kids wait for this one day the other 364 days of the year. What would you do if tomorrow night your sweet little girl went up to a neighbor’s house trick or treating and instead of getting a treat, she got sized up by the neighbor and the neighbor handed her a letter explaining that she has surmised your child to be obese and you are a shitty parent for letting her get that way? NO.TREAT.FOR.YOU.FATTY! I’ll tell you what I’d do. I’d march up to her house and stick my boot up her condescending ass and show her just how much I appreciate her advice.

Tomorrow night my girls are going trick-or-treating. They love Halloween, as does the Big Guy and myself. I love the whole season; the horror movies and the costumes and decorating our yard. It’s a fun holiday. There are no deep religious meanings that I need to worry about and the girls look forward to walking around the neighborhood showing off their costumes and getting treats from our neighbors.

My girls get about a bucket full of candy. They are allowed a couple pieces of candy per day for about two weeks and then the bucket gets taken into my husband’s office and made available to all the adults who need their sugary fix. I don’t see this kind of candy consumption as a problem. It is only once a year. My children aren’t diabetic, nor are they morbidly obese , they are healthy and active kids. A few pieces of candy is perfectly okay to me. Some people disagree and feel it is their personal moral obligation to stop overweight kids from themselves by refusing to give them treats.

fat letter to kids, no treats, Fargo, woman, neighbor

Look, I think a child’s weight is the business of the child, their parent and their pediatrician. I am not a pediatrician nor am I a nutritionist so I would ever tell another parent what they should or shouldn’t feed their child and I would never punish a child who is heavy by telling them, “No, you’re too fat. You don’t need it!” because it’s cruel.

Her reasoning?

“I just want to send a message to the parents of kids that are really overweight,” she said. “I think it’s just really irresponsible of parents to send them out looking for free candy just ’cause all the other kids are doing it.”

This woman has no idea what is going on in these children’s lives. Maybe they have a glandular issue or are puffy from chemotherapy. Maybe this kid’s mom just died and he’s been eating his feelings. Maybe this little girl had eating disorders and has just recently been on a road to recovery. Or maybe it’s just none of her damn business. If she wants to be the part of the village that doesn’t contribute to the childhood obesity epidemic, maybe she should just turn off her damn light and not pass out candy to anyone. If she feels morally opposed to contributing to the obesification of our children, why not pass out healthy snacks? Pass out something other than candy? Or just don’t participate. But taking it upon yourself to withhold candy and dole out punishment for being overweight, seems like just going out of your way to be mean.

What do you think? What would you do if your child came back from someone’s door on Halloween with a note telling you that your kid is fat, she’s not getting a treat and you’re a sucky mom?

Halloween, Halloween 2013, Happy Halloween, ghosts, supernatural


Happy Halloween!

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calavera,beauty, day of the dead, make up tutorial, dia de los muertos, day of the dead, day of the dead make-up tutorial, dia de los muertos make-up tutorial, Dia de los Muertos, Halloween, Day of the Dead,Calavera,How to apply Dia de los Muertos make-up, Book of Life, Day of the Dead costume, Dia de los Inocentes, Latina

Halloween and Dia de Los Muertos are only a few days away.

Last weekend was our city’s annual Fright Night and Zombie walk. My daughters have been wanting to participate for the past 3 years but we’ve felt they were too young to be immersed in the middle of all of those “zombies” so we’ve been watching from the sidelines. This year, we decided would be the year that we all walked “amongst the dead”. They were zombies and I was la Calavera Catrina, recognized as a sugar skull.

Dia de los Muertos, Halloween, Day of the Dead,Calavera,How to apply Dia de los Muertos make-up, Book of Life, Day of the Dead costume, Dia de los Inocentes, Latina

My husband and girls dressed as authentic walking dead zombies. My husband was a typical zombie ironically wearing a blood smeared “Be Kind to the Earth” t-shirt with a vintage plaid flannel. I guess he was going for hipster zombie look.

My 9-year-old was a prom queen zombie. Luckily her ballet rehearsal was done in just enough time to get home, change into her “prom” dress and dead face. My littlest one was the cutest dead school girl ever.

My little brother and I chose to go in a different direction. I love the Walking Dead but I just can’t make myself drag my legs and growl at people so my brother dressed as a sugar skull and I dressed as the Grand Dame of Dia De Los Muertos, la Calavera Catrina. The best part? Everything I needed was in my closet.

Dia de los Muertos, Halloween, Day of the Dead,Calavera,How to apply Dia de los Muertos make-up, Book of Life, Day of the Dead costume, Dia de los Inocentes, Latina

Here is how to apply the Dia de Los Muertos make-up and pull together a costume that will make heads turn.

I think it turned out awesome!


      1. Begin with an even layer of the Ben Nye Clown White make-up all over the entire face, except the eye sockets, with a sponge, and set with powder. You can buy setting powder at the Halloween shop but, honestly, baby powder works just as well. It is important to set the color with the powder, because the black lines and color on top may get smudged unless you place a barrier in between. Seriously, your face will look like it is melting off if you don’t and who wants to go through all that time painstakingly applying make-up only to have it slide right off your face?
      2. Next, I sculpted the perimeter of my eye socket with a black liquid eyeliner, it’s much easier to use than regular black face make-up and it lets you be more precise with your lines. Then intensify the area by blending a matte black shadow in the same hue over the top of the entire eyelid and filling in the drawn socket.
      3. For the detailing, pick up a black liquid liner with a precise tip, and draw an upside-down heart on the nose, the two rows of scalloping, connected by a circular motion, that surrounds the eyes and the two small circles on either side of my cheek bones. Mark out seven lines in a V-shape on your forehead. I made a jewel in the middle of mine, you can too or not, whatever you choose. Connect the lines with curved shapes to create a spider web.
      4. Use the same liquid liner to draw the two lines on your cheeks and draw a rose on your chin.
      5. Use a color wheel of your choice to fill in the scalloping around your eyes, your jewel and any other designs on your face that need color. I set the color with more translucent powder, not too much, just enough to keep the color from running.
      6. Moving on to the lips, I wanted red lips so I used my Red Chanel lipstick to draw in my lips. Then with the black liquid eyeliner, I drew in the intersecting lines across my lips. I let all lines dry well and then went over with liquid eyeliner again.
      7. With the liquid liner, add a few dotted details over the face, and a flower on your chin. Touch up individual areas with the color palette of your choice as needed, and after a few coats of mascara, I used fake-eyelashes to give my eyes a little extra umph.

For the hair, I simply washed my hair and dried it curly. Teased it. Pulled it to a curly, side pony tail and then added two oversized red roses behind my ears, which I held in with bobby pins. You could also opt for a headband with flowers on it.

To finish the look, I shopped my closet. Sometimes being a Latina with a dad who retires to Mexico 8 months a year has its advantages. I wore a long black skirt, a white peasant blouse with red, yellow and green roses from Mexico as my blouse, an ornate, traditional Kelly green velvet apron with gold scalloping and bright gold shawl. It came together perfectly but, honestly, the make-up makes the costume.

What are you dressing up as for Halloween?

Dia de los Muertos, Halloween, Day of the Dead,Calavera,How to apply Dia de los Muertos make-up, Book of Life, Day of the Dead costume, Dia de los Inocentes, Latina

Do you celebrate Dia de Los Muertos?

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Inside Out, Halloween, trick-or-treating

Our entire lives have been upside down and inside out since I broke my leg but we are learning to deal with it. Honestly, this broken leg has not just changed my life it’s upset the entire ecosystem of my family. It’s been a crazy couple of months so this Halloween, we fittingly went as characters from Inside Out.


I haven’t been out a lot lately so I was really excited to take the girls Trick or Treating. The Big Guy was Anger, which made us all laugh since Anger is small and my husband is 6’5”. My oldest was Joy and my youngest was Disgust. The obvious choice for me was Sadness, to round out the crew, but I figured there’s been enough sadness so I chose to go another route. I decided to be Bing Bong.

Inside Out, Halloween, trick-or-treating

Why Bing Bong from Inside Out, you ask?

Well, I felt like I needed a little whimsy in my life. Though I must say, it’s a challenge trying to bring a child’s imaginary friend to life on Halloween or any other day of the week. I spent the night being confused for Katy Perry and Niki Minaj as the Big Guy wheeled me around the neighborhood.

Inside Out, Halloween, trick-or-treating

It was exhausting to be out and around in the chilly, autumn night air but at the same time it was invigorating. I felt like a human again. Hearing my girls giggle as they ran door-to-door trick or treating made my heart happy.

It’s funny how sometimes the simple things like being outside of your own four walls, participating in life can make all the difference. For one night, I felt like I got to escape my injury and do the things I’ve always done with my family. I felt normal and it was amazing, even if it was while I was dressed as an imaginary friend.

Inside Out, Halloween, trick-or-treating

In the end, maybe I looked like Katy Perry in a wheelchair with a broken leg and a crazy pair of Olivia Newton John sparkly hot pants and not Bing Bong. Maybe no one quite got what I was supposed to be but I needed it.


We all needed a little Inside Out to get right side up.

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Apparently, it’s not enough that this election has our country going to hell in a handbasket with a political slope that is slicker than chicken grease now we’re on full out Creepy Clown crisis even the White House says so. Okay, so they are not killer clowns yet but these sons of guns are sure as hell scaring all the kids in my neck of the woods. Yes, my damn neighborhood is literally covered in wooded areas, parks and bus stops; it’s a pardon the term, a creepy clown’s “wet dream”. Thanks a lot asshole for forcing my co-sleepers that I JUST forced out of my bed a couple years ago…right back in!

Clowns, you think you are creepy? Oh you just wait until I see one of you son-of-a-bitches in my neighborhood, I’m going to take your giant clown shoes off and beat you with them myself! It’s one thing to get head-butted by a 1-year-old, it’s quite another to get roundhouse kicked in your sleep by a 5’3” baby Huey tween. These creepy clowns have got to go.

creepy clown, creepy clown crisis, stranger danger, keeping kids safe, Halloween, evil clown

Over the weekend, there was a creepy clown harassing a group of kids at a bus stop in our city. Aside from plaguing the entire snowflake generation with a monster case of coulrophobia now you’ve gone and made it personal. The snowflakes are the children of Generation X, can’t you just focus on scaring the fucking hipsters and millennials. They might even enjoy it. We don’t. I don’t want to share the downfall of my kid’s psyche on social media. I don’t need to hashtag it for likes. I’ll pass.

I spent Sunday night in my room with the Big Guy (he’s 6’5”, we call him that for a reason) who snores like a kitten, a 5’3” tween who practices her dance moves in her sleep and is prone to screaming outbursts, a 4’11” 9-year-old who clings to the nearest warm body like a heat seeking baby monkey and sleep combats people in their “sensitive” areas while they sleep and a bulldog squiggle ( Squeaky pig-like creature) who thinks she’s human and likes to plop her muscly ass dead center in the bed forming an H between the Big Guy and I. It was wall to wall people.

Trying to go to pee during the night was like a human/ canine obstacle course and that’s dangerous when you’ve got stress incontinence.Trying not to step on children or trip over random pillows, shoes, and blankets or disappear into a pile of unfolded laundry was even harder than it sounds. It was damn dangerous and I owe it all to those creepy clowns.

Oh, you think you’re scary, you ain’t got shit on this exhausted mama! I’m not currently in my right mind and you will feel the full wrath of my crazy should ever our two paths cross. Actually, I need some sleep. Let’s schedule a “play date” at the local park…you bring your red nose and clown shoes and I’ll bring my nunchucks, machete, and some Tequila. Mom versus clown. I’m desperate to sleep so don’t expect to be walking away from this tussle with your red nose and big hands intact. I’m taking you down clown. Insane clown posse…pfffttt…insane mom posse, bitches.

creepy clown, creepy clown crisis, stranger danger, keeping kids safe, Halloween, evil clown

All joking aside, I’m not a person who suffers from a phobia of clowns but I think one creepster has caused hysteria. You remember John Wayne Gacy used to dress in grease paint, right? That was enough to make clowns creepy forever. Well, now there are creepy clown sightings everywhere and even a couple literal clowns robbed a bank and there are teens soliciting clowns on social media to murder their teachers. I’m guessing that it’s a whole bunch of copycats. This is not one person or group because it’s happening all over the country. I think we’ve opened a door for people to commit heinous acts under the guise of creepy clown attacks. The world is rampant with assholes doing bad shit and now they’re using clown masks to do it.

This is not a drill we are in creepy clown crisis mode.

My concern is the mass hysteria that it is bringing with it. Suddenly people are imagining clowns everywhere. No one is above suspicion. Worse still, kids are spreading stories of their own creepy clown sightings (many of which I believe are products of their imaginations) and I think this is going to turn into a Salem Witch trial situation soon. Kid hates their teacher for assigning homework? Tween hates their neighbor for telling them to stay off their grass? Teen hates their friend’s dad for not allowing said friend to stay out past curfew? Oh you hate that guy in high school who didn’t want to date you? Clowns every single one of them. Just watch, the next step in the evolution of the creepy clown epidemic will be false accusations of creepy clown participation.

creepy clown, creepy clown crisis, stranger danger, keeping kids safe, Halloween, evil clown

In all seriousness, this is creepy as shit especially with Halloween coming up so quickly. Like, I might literally shit my pants if our neighborhood is overrun with creepy clown costumes and I know my kids will. Guess I’m dressing as a drunk Chuck Norris for Halloween because the nunchucks, machete, and tequila are going with me this Halloween. While I think most of the viral videos of machete-wielding creepy clowns chasing joggers are bullshit because I don’t know too many joggers who jog in Go Pros or with their phones recording the entire experience (well, maybe some millennials because I know they like to document every single “special” thing they do like farting or breaking a sweat and hashtag the hell out of it ;)) I do think this is a teachable moment for our children.

My girls are terrified of clowns now, which, honestly, clowns, as a whole, are pretty freaking creepy looking anyways or maybe I’ve just seen way too many Rob Zombie movies. Yes, 31, I’m looking at you. But I’ve made this an opportunity to revisit the conversation with my girls about why you don’t talk to strangers, you don’t ever go up to a stranger, never give directions or take candy or pet puppy dogs of strangers. Strangers are bad! I’ve taught them the scream, yell, fight, kick in the balls and wiggle technique in case they’re ever grabbed. It’s given me the chance to remind them why they are not allowed to go places alone or veer too far away from home, unsupervised. It’s given me the chance to use my, “You never know the psychopath sitting next to you” speech. It’s also given me a reason to explain once again why social media is not allowed for them at age 9 and 11.

My children are young and naïve and I don’t want them to go through life scared but I do want them to go through life using some common sense and a healthy dose of caution. I trust my children but the rest of the world, not so much. I think anybody in a mask in a normal situation is a little bit strange and it makes me defensive when I can’t see your face, that’s just me and my healthy dose of caution instilled from my ghetto upbringing. I don’t trust anyone unless I know them, and then sometimes not even. I was raised with a lot of skepticism of the world in general. I wasn’t raised on unicorns and rainbows. It was hard reality all damn day long. I’m not sure that’s a bad thing in the state of today’s world.

Speaking of creepy clowns and things moms need to be worried about? Did any of you watch the vice presidential debate? Mike Pence…dear lord, if that man isn’t enough to scare you straight to the polls to vote for Hillary, I don’t know what is. Maybe we can sacrifice him to the creepy clown posse as an offering so they leave our children alone?

Also, amber alerts? What is going on? I don’t know where you live but we’ve had several a day in my state for the past week. My kids are coming home with all their stories confused, they are blaming the amber alerts on children being lured by creepy clowns. None of that is factual, much like the belief at my children’s school that all Mexicans are ISIS. I swear I spend most of my day trying to convince my daughters that 99% of the shit they hear at school is exactly that…bullshit.

creepy clown, creepy clown crisis, stranger danger, keeping kids safe, Halloween, evil clown

What are you doing to assuage your children’s fear of the creepy clowns? What are your thoughts on the creepy clown crisis?

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Before we had children, the Big Guy and I were all about Halloween. It was all about the haunted houses, getting the cream filling scared right out of us, picking out a cute costume and having a great party to celebrate.It was always over the top and spooky and we loved it.We lived for it.

Halloween 2008

Now things are different. Now, we have our girls. Halloween is all about dressing up like your favorite story book character, walking around the neighborhood and hearing people ooh and ahh over our girls as they tell them “Here, you’re so cute. Take a couple more pieces!”I find it quite hilarious. I told my husband last night, this whole being cute making life easier thing starts early in life.I’d never noticed before. I couldn’t believe how many houses the girls went up to and some elderly gentleman ( Grandpa like) or Daddy type would tell my girls to take an extra helping from the goodie basket. Really, maybe I was over analyzing the whole thing, maybe it was my sickness impeding my senses but we tell our kids not to talk to strangers. We raise them to never take candy from strangers. I try to raise my daughters to know that their worth as a being has nothing to do with the way they look.Yet, we go out on Halloween trick or treating..begging for candy from strangers.Cohorting with strange adults for candy.Smiling and kowtowing for a piece of candy. Then on top of all these mixed messages, they are actually being given more candy simply for being cute.I guess this is where it all begins. This is where little girls learn that being attractive makes life easier for you; that it makes the world respond to you in a more attentive way.

Halloween 2009

What kind of message am I sending to my girls? I’m sure this went on when I was a kid too but I didn’t pay attention because I WAS the kid.I was just ecstatic to get the candy.I didn’t think of mixed messages or talking to pedophiles but now all that comes flooding to my brain when I think about my girls.Funny how, my biggest concern at Halloween was razor blades in apples and cyanide ridden popcorn balls ( remember, Mom used to toss those things directly into the garbage?)now I have to consider pedophiles, non politically correct feminist squashing candy tactics, and how to explain how it is wrong to talk to strangers ever..except for on Halloween night.Life was so much simpler when my biggest worry was whether or not I would get scared enough.Then, I had children and what scares me the most is that the worrying will never cease. Having your heart walk around outside your body is hard work.Happy Halloween!

Halloween 2010
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