Search results for

"insomnia"

Daddy’s Gone, Mommy’s got Insomnia

by Deborah Cruz 2010/03/14

Ok Ladies, I know I am not alone in this phenomenon. But I don’t understand it! I am not afraid of the dark, things going bump in the night, people breaking in, kids not breathing, or becoming random murder victims. Ok, now that I think of it…. maybe I am. I suppose all of those years living so close to Gary, the murder capital of the universe, eventually had to take its toll on my poor psyche! But I’m not there anymore, nowhere near. I am in suburbia heaven! Lush green grass, lots of family neighbors, cul de sacs, SUVs, playdates, etc. I am in the land of La La! Maybe I just need to be perpetually cuddled? I don’t know but what I do know is I need some freaking sleep! Immediately! This is what happens, my husband goes away on business and I can’t sleep. Absolutely can not sleep. I’m talking full-on insomnia in rampant proportions. What makes it worse is that this is NOT a temporary situation, this is the situation. Daddy’s gone and mommy’s got insomnia.

Last week, I was up every night until at least 2 am. The only reason I went to sleep was that I forced myself to shut down all mental functioning in the name of sanity, and for my children’s safety. I am not a morning person when I’ve had less than 6 hours of sleep. 6 hours is the minimum sane functioning level for me, anything less for more than a day and I am full-blown, out-of-my-mind crazy. I do not jest! What do you ladies do to curb this insanity?

I’ve spoken to several friends and it seems the only cure for what ails me is my husband, and that is not a possibility at this point. He’s there working, I’m here…NOT SLEEPING! Sleep medication is not an option because I have to be somewhat lucid in case the girls need me in the middle of the night.

So, here I am, Sleepless in South Bend. I really wish I was a sleep camel, storing it all up on the weekend to get me through the week. Think that’s an option? It is a nifty concept. Of course, when would I fit my husband’s cuddles and conjugal visits in if I were practicing my sleep camel antics on the weekends?

If you have any suggestions for helping me to catch up on my rest, please share. I know a lot of us could use the advice! If not, I say Who’s up for midnight chats? LOL Stay tuned, as the week goes on and my sleep supply dwindles, God only knows what may end up in these posts. Toodles! I need a nap before Big Daddy leaves the building.

2010/03/14 10 comments

Marriage and Relationships

Things that Go Bump in the Night

by Deborah Cruz 2013/06/11

written by Deborah Cruz

I used to be an old pro at parenting my girls alone and basically living without another adult in the house, most of the time. I hated it. My husband lived in another state 5 days a week. It was awful. Remember the bald spot that sent me into a tailspin at 3 in the morning? Good times!

2013/06/11 1 comment

Food’s an Addiction, Sugar is a Drug and I was an Addict

by Deborah Cruz 2019/06/17

written by Deborah Cruz

I’ve never had a healthy relationship with food. It’s always been the one thing I’ve loved and I’ve hated. I love the taste of food. It comforted me when things were tough. It would console me. Then I would use it to punish myself; to find myself unworthy. I would withhold it from myself, like love from a misogynist. Yet, I never thought sugar is a drug and I never considered myself an addict. This is how I lived in this vicious cycle pursuing perfection that doesn’t exist. It was a controlling relationship wherein I was the victim and the abuser.

But then I had a revelation, food’s an addiction. Sugar is a drug and I was an addict.

Yes, food is a drug and I am an addict and it’s almost killed me twice. Anorexia in the ’90s and diabetes in 2019. I used to proudly proclaim, “I’d rather work out for 3 hours straight than give up my French fries!” I was also the same person who secretly high-fived myself when people started to tell me that I was getting “too skinny” and looked sickly. In my mind, I was winning. I was cheating the system and beating food. Really, I was killing myself.

Here we are, 20 years in recovery from starvation and purging. Nasty little fact, being an anorexic is like being an alcoholic, every day is choosing to not indulge in the bad behavior no matter how much you want to. I won’t lie, there have been slip-ups. I’ve had a big meal and thrown it up. I’ve skipped meals. I’ve worked out excessively. I’ve tried to cheat the system and lied to myself that it was, “Ok, just this once” knowing how slippery the road really was. But for the most part, for the past 20 years, I had to let go of the control.

The problem with me is that there is no in between. There is micromanage everything that goes in my mouth and purge, there is restrict and starve and there is eat all the things with wild abandoned and no worry of consequences.

Let me create a picture, so you all don’t think I was shoving whole sleeves of cookies down my throat. When I say wild abandon, I mean I ate food in moderate amounts but without worrying, caring or writing down anything. I had to do this because the alternative behaviors sent me right back into obsessive, controlling behavior that caused my anorexia in the first place. Basically, I was out of control for two decades to avoid being dead. Or at least, that is what I made myself believe.

Now, here I am. Last month, I told you all about my come to Jesus meeting with my doctor. It was eye-opening, if not traumatic. She told me some hard facts. I feel like, for years, my doctors have been coddling me. I went from 103 pounds and inched up over the years and through the pregnancies to a whopping ( gulp..I’m about to say it out loud) 259.9 pounds at my heaviest. On the day my doctor gave me the bad news, I was 249.9 pounds. I’m 5’7”. I am morbidly obese. You know morbid means deadly, right?

I went home that day, cried my eyes out, stayed in bed for a couple of days, quite frankly, terrified of food. After all, it was literally killing me. But really, it wasn’t the food at all. It was me. I needed to take ownership of that. It was always me from anorexia through to diabetes, high blood pressure and high cholesterol.

I took my 3 days to cry it out and feel sorry for myself and then I did what I always do, I put on my big girl panties and I figured it out. Not as easy as it sounds. I am still figuring it out.

Here’s where I began to break my food addiction.

I changed my thinking. I stopped thinking of it as a death sentence and began to think of it as a blessing. I was still alive. All I needed to do was change my behavior and learn how to eat.

I began to measure my food. You cannot imagine how off my portions were. Try it, you will be floored.

I began to count carbs. My doctor gave me grams per day; 45 per meal 3x a day, and 15 per snack 3x per day. The thing about counting carbs is first, carbs were not taken away. There is nothing that makes me want something more than making it forbidden.

I eliminated all pop and juice because they are nothing but sugar. Instead, I opted for fresh fruit and if I need a drink other than water or milk, I drink Bubly. Actually, I am obsessed with the cherry flavor.

I am learning to say no to things. I am learning that sometimes it is ok to say yes to a bite or a ½ of something you really want but always in moderation and always aware of the portion size and carb count. Through this process of cutting my carbs and portion control, I’m learning that I really don’t love some of the food that I thought I loved as much as I do.

Case in point, pizza. I can have one piece with a salad if I feel the need. However, wasting 27 carbs on one slice feels ridiculous and it just doesn’t taste the same to me anymore. Pizza, the food that I thought I couldn’t live without. I don’t even really like anymore. It tastes weird to me.

I’m eating real food. I’ve been focusing on lean meats, fresh vegetables, fruits and logging every single thing I put into my mouth. I’m not living on chicken broth or cabbage. This isn’t a diet. I also weigh myself every morning and check my blood pressure and my blood glucose every day. It feels a little bit like restricting and that terrifies me because I can’t slip back into those old behaviors but I can’t eat with wild abandon either because my life is at stake. For now, this is what is working for me.

So far, I’ve lost 20.5 pounds in 6 weeks. I’ve lost 17.5 inches since May 29^th ( that was the first time I measured but by then I had already lost about 10 lbs. so I’m sure I’ve lost more than that). My blood pressure is completely normal. No more headaches. My blood glucose is completely in the normal range. No more insomnia. I’ve had insomnia my entire life. Now, I shut my eyes and go to bed on most nights by 10 p.m. I feel better than I’ve felt in years.

Maybe food’s an addiction. Maybe sugar is a drug and I was an addict but I’m changing all that and you can too. Do you think you’re a carb or sugar addict? Does your health say otherwise?

2019/06/17 3 comments

5 ways to relax at night, chill out, get ready for bed

Lifestyle

5 Ways to Relax at Night: Chill Out and Get Ready for Bed

by Deborah Cruz 2022/05/10

written by Deborah Cruz

Estimated reading time: 5 minutes

Do you have trouble winding down at night? An endless list of things show up in your brain right at the exact moment you’re supposed to be drifting off to LaLa land? If so, you’re not alone. Unfortunately, millions of people have difficulty relaxing and getting ready for bed. I’ve been an insomniac since college so I know a little bit about this topic. Fortunately, there are several things you can do to help yourself calm down, relax and prepare for sleep. This blog post will discuss 6 ways to relax at night, chill out and get ready for bed.

Disclosure: Some of the products mentioned in this post were sent to me for review purposes. All opinions and gynecological misadventures are all my own.

Listen to calm music

There is something about music that can soothe us and make us feel more relaxed. So if you’re struggling to wind down at night, try listening to some calm music. This can help you relax both your mind and body, making it easier to fall asleep.

Some suitable genres of music to listen to for relaxation purposes include classical, jazz, and nature sounds. Many apps and websites offer calming music specifically designed to help you sleep.

Do some gentle stretching

Gentle stretching is another great way to relax your body and mind before bed. It can help relieve tension and reduce stress. You can do several different stretches, so find ones that work best for you. Start by doing some simple neck and shoulder rolls. Then, move on to other body areas such as your back, legs, and arms. Hold each stretch for 20-30 seconds before moving on to the next one.

Doing some light stretching before bed can also help improve your sleep quality and reduce the risk of pain waking you up during the night. But don’t do a full cardio workout unless you want that rush of endorphins at bedtime. Be warned it won’t bode well for your insomnia.

Sit outside for a while

If you have trouble relaxing indoors, try spending some time outside. Sitting or lying down in a park or other green space can help reduce stress and anxiety. I keep a comfy sectional on my deck for just this reason. The fresh air and natural light can also do wonders for your sleep quality. If it’s not possible to sit outside, simply open a window to let some fresh air into your room. You can also try smoking marijuana outside if it helps you to relax. But you might want to invest in this spray to get rid of weed smell and keep the neighbors out of your business. Or just go the edible route, no nasal evidence left behind.

Take a relaxing bath

There is nothing quite like a warm bath to help you relax at night. Add some soothing aromatherapy, add a few drops of lavender oil to your bathtub or light a delicious smelling candle to help further promote relaxation. One of my favorites is GYV MesoAmerican Beauty Mango pineapple candle. The heat from the water can also help reduce muscle pain and tension. Soak in your tub for 20-30 minutes to give yourself enough time to relax fully. Moisturize yourself from head to toe. I love the Mango lotion from GYV. For luxuriously attractive and beautiful glowing skin I’m obsessed with Dignity Coconuts lip balms and raw coconut oil.

After your bath, avoid any activities that will stimulate your mind or body. This means no working, watching TV, or using your phone or computer. You want your body and mind to be relaxed, so give yourself time to wind down before bed.

Pop a gummy

IYKYK if you don’t, I’m definitely talking about a CBD gummy. Just 1 Inflamade Yummy Watermelon Vegan Sleep Solution gummy and you will sleep all night long. Deep Sleep CBD + CBN Vegan Gummies combine the power of CBD + CBN – and works to put your mind at ease and sleep throughout the night. With 20mg CBD + 5mg CBN, and 3mg Melatonin per watermelon gummy, products are lab tested to ensure 0% THC and 100% Drug Test Safe.

The compounds CBD and CBN have different impacts on the body, but when combined, they aid in alleviating restless nights and insomnia.

If you are looking for something with THC to relax your mind before bed and get a great night’s sleep, I highly recommend Berry Burst Indica Gummies by Encore Edibles at your local dispensary. It’s one of my personal favorites for overwhelmed and exhausted moms who just can’t relax. It does the job 100% of the time.

Practice some deep breathing exercises:

Deep breathing is a simple but effective way to relax your body and mind. It can help reduce stress and anxiety, lower blood pressure, and improve sleep quality. To do a deep breathing exercise, simply sit or lie down in a comfortable position. Close your eyes and focus on taking slow, deep breaths. Breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth. Try to inhale enough to expand your stomach, not just your chest.

All this to say, there are many things you can do to relax at night. By listening to calm music, doing some gentle stretching, spending time outside, taking a relaxing bath, and practicing deep breathing exercises, you can wind down and get ready for a good night’s sleep.

These are 5 ways to relax at night, chill out and get ready for bed. What is your top tip for relaxing at night?

2022/05/10 0 comments

ky liquibeads, couple in bed, marital relations

Marriage and Relationships

The Freedom to be Spontaneous with the Gift that Keeps On Giving Every Time the

by Deborah Cruz 2014/12/18

written by Deborah Cruz

I am a member of collective bias and this shop has been compensated by #CollectiveBias, Inc. and it’s advertiser. All thoughts and opinions are mine alone.

Warning: This is a PG-13 post in which I discuss marital relations between consulting adults but if you are easily offended by discussing adult themed topics, you are welcome to stop reading.

What do you get for that special man in your life who has everything this Christmas? There is one thing that I know the Big Guy (and every guy for that matter) always likes…you know what I’m talking about, the freedom to be spontaneous like before you became parents. A little unprovoked, unsolicited, uninterrupted (ahem) personal “attention” and he can’t buy that (well, he can but he really shouldn’t.) Since I don’t own a time machine, nor are my beloved kids refundable, I’m asking Grandma to keep the kids overnight, adding a little personal lubricant ( come on ladies, you all know what I mean, sometimes we need a little jumpstart) and letting the good times roll. Merry Christmas, baby!

The Big Guy and I have been married forever for 15 years. When we first got married, romance was easy. We were in our 20’s so attraction and having relations didn’t take any effort at all. We were breathing and we were always ready. It didn’t hurt that we were both pretty hot. We were spontaneous because we had the leisure of time, privacy and youth. There was no stress, laundry or tiny people crawling on us and promptly spitting up on one or both of us. FYI, spit up.is.not.attractive.Not even on Brad Pitt or Johnny Depp. These days, we are simply spontaneous challenged.

We’re 40ish. We have kids who are just old enough to be nosier than they should be. I have insomnia. He gets up for work at 4:30 a.m. and every night is a game of musical beds, thanks to recovering co-sleepers who still think they lay claim to our bed. Sometimes we’re just too damn tired. Yes, it happens!

Don’t feel sorry for us yet. Thanks to a couple afternoons of working from home, we manage some “us” time but I miss making out on the couch (with no one under 5 foot asking, “What cha doin?”), and being able to be spontaneously whisked off to bed/floor/kitchen countertops or finish what we started because kids arguing over Barbie dolls in the next room causes everything south to go dry like the Sahara. Honestly, why does no one tell you that children are female erection killers?

Speaking of which, last week, for 48 hours straight, on 3 occasions, the Big Guy and I were trying to “have relations” when the 7-year-old burst into the room or beat at the door. It’s like she’s my mom and she has radar whenever I might be trying to do the deed. I’m a teenager all over again, except this time I’ve got a mortgage and gray hair and I’m trying not to get busted by a person who sometimes still needs me to cut up her food. Thank God for bathrooms with locks.

So forget waiting for the perfect time, I’m sick of trying to fit “couple time” in between the minute they go to sleep and the surprise hour that they have to pee/get water/ or remember they had homework. Mama needs some adult time with the Big Guy.

This Saturday, I’m giving us an early Christmas present, a child-free night where we can just be Debi and the Big Guy (not mommy and daddy) and maybe channel those two college students who met 17 years ago. I’ve enlisted grandma to keep the girls overnight, made a trip to Target and bought some K-Y® LIQUIBEADS® (to make sure everything down below is ready to go at a moments notice), made reservations for dinner at a place that doesn’t serve chicken nuggets and can’t wait to see where the night leads.

I’ve heard good things about the K-Y® LIQUIBEADS® and they seem easy to use.

Simply place the OVULE insert firmly into the top of the applicator so it will not fall out.
Hold the applicator containing the OVULE insert by the opposite end from where the OVULE insert is located.
Gently insert the applicator into the vagina as far as it will go comfortably.This can be done while standing with your feet comfortably apart and knees bent.
Push the plunger all the way in to place th OVULE insert as far back in the vagina as possible.
Throw away applicator after use.
Insert a bead once every few days so that your body is ready whenever the mood may strike.

I know sometimes when you are pregnant, you really want to be “spontaneous” often, especially with all those “romantic” dreams but if you’re pregnant or nursing, consult a doctor before using.

Coupon available coupon available at coupons.com $1 off any K-Y® product –

2014/12/18 0 comments

Bella Unspoken Truths

One Girls Honest Battle with Eating Disorders and Body Image in College

by Bella 2024/04/11

written by Bella

Estimated reading time: 7 minutes

Let’s talk about something a lil icky, weight gain. I’m 19-years-old, about to finish my freshman year of university, and medicated. But before I get into all of that, let’s start with some basics. I am 5’10, not nearly as active as when I was ages 10-15, dancing 30 hours a week. I’m busy with work and school, so I usually don’t have time for all 3 meals. I thrive on caffeine and a dream 99% of the time, slaying my classes and trying to be a functional person in my family. But recently when visiting the student clinic for a sinus infection, they took vitals as usual, blood pressure, temperature… and my weight. If I’d never had any predisposition for eating disorders or body image issues, this was enough to set my mind on fire.

Let me tell you, when you are already sick and exhausted the last thing you want to do is be weighed, but we all have to go through it. I try not to look at the scale when being weighed just because I know that I have some struggles with food, weight, and exercise. Now, my lovely, amazing mama tried her damndest due to her own eating disorders to make sure my sister and I grew up body positive, especially in the dance world. That being said, it was just kind of inevitable. Nothing was ever said directly to me, but constantly hearing your standard petite, very thin, best friend constantly be called “fat” or “a whale who eats too much” makes something in your brain flip. It happens just as quickly, if not faster, than turning the light on in your room. You start to think if this is what they think of her, wtf do they think of me?

This was the beginning of the slow an steady hits to my body image.

Now, I never really had an “aha” moment but it definitely started around age 12. Seeing myself in tights and a leotard 6 days a week surrounded by mirrors, oof, it was rough, and I never really discussed it with anyone because my best friend wouldn’t understand, she was nowhere near as “fat” as I was, she could only understand the hurtful insults constantly being heard. Picking clothes to wear everyday now that I’m no longer confined by uniforms, is such a nightmare struggle because I hate everything I put on my body.

I never really brought it up to my mama because she struggled with her own eating disorders and I didn’t want her to feel like she “failed” in a sense that I was feeling this way. When I was 12 that’s when I stopped eating breakfast, just woke up and had my coffee. Lunch consisted of whatever yummy stuff my mom packed for me, because I stopped eating the cafeteria food, and that was enough until 4 or 5 pm-ish when I was home from school/before dance and when I would eat dinner with my family.

The gradual onset of eating disorders is almost unnoticeable in the beginning,.

Now, enough about the origin story and back to the now. I was still, up until this weighing, only consuming coffee for breakfast and then eating dinner with the family. If there was any snacking it would be either another coffee or a granola bar of some sort. Recently though, I’ve been making small changes like a protein shake for breakfast, along with my beloved coffee, a salad for lunch, and then whatever happens to be on the menu for dinner. I try to move, walking around campus when not working on assignments between classes, but here in the midwest I must suffer from mother nature’s wrath and allergy season (which is all year round for this allergy shot girl). That plays a huge role in my ability to walk outside. I try to do lil 15 minute core routines on youtube but your girl is tired when she gets home, ready to pass out on the couch with my fur baby, Stella.

Earlier I mentioned being medicated, I suffer from severe anxiety, depression, insomnia, and terrible/excruciating periods. Periods so bad with radiating pain and numbness in my back and legs caused by cramps that are so severe, I sometimes feel bed bound. At the start of the new year I was lucky enough to be put on and start birth control to try and help manage those symptoms, so I’m no longer debilitated during that time of the month. I also would have very irregular periods due to stress and life, that now is being helped as well along with several other things. But even with a low dosage, adding that medication can play a role in weight gain/distribution. I’m also being treated with mental health medications such as gabapentin and prozac, both of those are known to cause little to no weight gain, but with my luck I’m definitely likely to experience that side effect.

I have to remind myself that I am in control of my actions, reactions and choices.

I decided in March (my birthday month) that I want to make some changes. I want to get in shape and be healthy, because at the end of the day I need to be happy with what I see in the mirror even if it’s not accurate. I feel like there are so many people, women specifically, my age that are experiencing so many changes with moving away for college and balancing work, school, social life, relationships, etc. that many of us neglect simple things like eating healthier and getting our steps in.

With the help of my wonderful therapist and supportive mama, I’m determined to work on these things and try to make myself happy by making a few lifestyle choice changes i.e. when picking out outfits for class, put some thought into it the night before instead of getting frustrated because I have “nothing” to wear ( which we all know is a lie because my bedroom floor discovered in new clothes), running late just to end up in leggings and a sweatshirt. It’s so exhausting and it makes me feel terrible.

Moms, talk to your daughters. Ask them how they feel about themselves when they stand in front of a mirror. I think there needs to be more discussions being held even though they are uncomfortable, but I know I’m not alone. Don’t stop asking, no matter how many times they roll their eyes or brush you off. My mom talks to us about everything, no matter how uncomfortable it might be. She’s taught me to get comfortable with being uncomfortable so that I can be happier and feel more in control of my own life. You can’t just ignore the hard parts, they don’t go away…they just grow and fester and get more uncomfortable. We just face it together and get through it, hopefully, less traumatized and triggered than if we tried to do it alone. We have to create an environment where our daughters, sisters, mothers and friends feel safe to be vulnerable. Because the truth is, body image struggles are all too common, affecting an estimated 50-80% of women.

To think about how I’ve felt this way about myself since I was 12 years old, makes me sad. Just like my mom when I have my own children I’m gonna do the same things as she did. Make sure my kids are comfortable with their bodies and being naked from birth. I wish more than anything that they never think of themselves how I think of myself.

7 years, almost ½ of my life, I’ve hated my body and never said anything about it, because I didn’t want to upset my mom, or trigger my sister to think negatively about herself. The average onset age of eating disorders in women is between 12-25.

Check on the women in your life that are between those ages, ask those older in recovery and ask how they are doing, eating disorders never really go away. It’s a daily battle to make the decision to eat rather than restrict or eliminate meals. This is something I will continue to struggle with for the majority of my life.

One day, I hope I can genuinely be able to say I love myself, but until then I hope this helps others realize they aren’t alone. These feelings and thoughts, while unkind, are common to think. That’s the problem. Beauty standards are set for us since birth and we spend our whole lives unhappy trying to achieve them. Do the things that make you happy. I hope one day I can too, in the meantime though I’m working to make the changes. Even the Tinkerbell sized ones.

And to any other young woman out there who is battling her own demons when it comes to food, weight, and self-acceptance – you are not alone. I see you, I hear you, and I’m here for you. It’s a daily fight, but you’ve got this. Eat the bread, wear the crop top, and don’t be afraid to ask for help when you need it. Together, we can break the cycle of body shame and learn to love ourselves, one small step at a time.

2024/04/11 1 comment

Mental Health

The Effects of Stress and What You Can Do to Stop It

by Deborah Cruz 2023/02/21

written by Deborah Cruz

Estimated reading time: 7 minutes

Have you ever found yourself stressed the F out and you just couldn’t shake yourself out of it? Stress can sneak up on you. Sometimes it takes our bodies reacting before our mind realizes what’s going on. That’s how panic and anxiety manifest in my house. So, if you’ve been feeling overly stressed lately, I just want you to know that you’re not alone. Right now, feeling stressed out seems to be the national pastime. The COVID-19 pandemic didn’t just affect us physically but also, had a profound effect on the mental health of most of the population. Add to that the fact that job satisfaction levels are at an all-time low among many and it’s easy to see why we’re all so stressed out.

Why Is Stress a Problem?

Many people assume that high levels of stress are not a big deal and accept it as just a part of living. However, this is not the case. In reality, it’s not healthy to deal with massive levels of stress in your life. Stress can manifest in all kinds of physical ways that will have you Googling symptoms and self-diagnosing with WebMD. Don’t do it. Here are some of the key ways that stress can impact you that you do need to be aware of.

Chronic Pain

First, stress can manifest in forms of chronic pain. Pain like this can impact virtually any area of your body. Due to this, it’s important to make sure that you are working to heal your mind as well as your body. Chronic pain can make it difficult to function effectively on a daily basis. If you are in severe pain, you might assume that it’s a physical issue. In reality, the route of your pain could be connected to a mental health problem.

Depression and Anxiety

Stress can also make other mental health issues more likely or more significant. This includes possibilities such as depression and anxiety. If you are stressed, you are always going to find it more difficult to deal with certain aspects of life including problems that you are currently facing. This can lead to people becoming depressed or growing more anxious than usual. This is one of the reasons why levels of stress are often more significant to your well-being and your mental health than most people realize.

Chronic Health Conditions

You could also find that you are more likely to develop issues with chronic health conditions if you are more stressed. Various research has found evidence that stress increases the symptoms of certain chronic health conditions. This includes conditions such as RSI, tinnitus and even diabetes. Other research has provided evidence that stress is somewhat linked to certain severe conditions including particular forms of cancer. This is not surprising when you consider that tension will impact every aspect of the body including your muscles as well as your mind.

Diet

One of the main ways people tend to deal with stress is by binge eating or engaging in another unhealthy habit. As such, it’s possible that stress is going to have a ripple effect on your diet. This is one of the reasons why you should absolutely think about monitoring what you are eating and drinking if you do feel as though you are under a lot of pressure. You don’t want to get into a situation where your diet changes dramatically without you fully realizing it.

Appearance

You could also find that stress changes your appearance. As mentioned, stress can have an impact on the physical aspects of your body and this does include your appearance. For instance, you might find that you notice changes to your hair. If you are overly stressed, you could notice that your hair seems a lot thinner or frailer. You could also notice that skin conditions tend to flare up when you are more stressed. This could include eczema, acne and dry skin or redness. The good news is that if you read articles like: Is eczema contagious: everything you need to know, you’ll find that you don’t have to worry about issues like this being too serious. The symptoms will gradually disappear over a few days if they are tied to your mental health.

Sleep

You may also find that high levels of stress start to impact your sleep patterns as well. If you are overly stressed, you probably will struggle to sleep through the night. This could mean that you have difficulty getting the amount of sleep that your body requires. That in turn can lead to lower levels of energy than usual which will make it more difficult to function overall. You might even develop issues with insomnia if your stress is severe.

How to Fight Back Against Stress

Now that you understand some of the issues that stress can cause in your life, it’s important to consider some of the steps that you can take to combat it the right way. Here are some of the options that you can and absolutely should consider.

Identify Your Triggers

First, you should make sure that you are taking the time to identify the triggers of your stress. There can be lots of different types of stress triggers that you might need to consider here. For instance, high levels of stress could be due to your work or career. Alternatively, you might find that it’s something related to the people in your life. If people around you are toxic, then they can cause you a lot of stress.

Find Ways To Relax

Next, you should think about finding ways to relax throughout the day. There are lots of options that you can explore to try and relax when you feel stressed or overwhelmed. You might want to try breathing exercises. This helps regulate the level of oxygen that your brain receives each day. As such, it can help you think more clearly and solve problems far more effectively over time. Of course, this isn’t the only option that you can consider when you are trying to relax a little more.

Try Exercise

You might also want to consider exercise as a way to relax. Exercise will allow you to work off the tension that is troubling you. Again, this can help ensure that you are able to think far more clearly overall and ensure that you are not plagued by issues.

The good news here is that there are lots of different types of exercise that you can explore which could be beneficial to you. As such, you don’t need to just focus on something like lifting weights. Low-impact exercises such as yoga can be highly beneficial.

Improve Your Diet

Next, you should explore the best ways to improve your diet. While stress can change what you eat, stress can also be partially caused by a poor diet. If you are not eating the right foods on a regular basis, then you won’t be giving your mind the fuel that it needs to function effectively.

This could mean that you struggle to think clearly when you are faced with a problem or a task. That could be why you constantly feel as though you are overwhelmed. There are lots of ‘brain foods’ that could help with this. However, in general, you should make sure that you are getting your five a day and a relatively balanced diet. This will help ensure that stress doesn’t become a major issue in your life.

Make Changes to Your Life

Once you have identified the issues that are causing you stress, it’s important to be ready to make some changes. There are lots of positive changes that you can explore here. For instance, you might want to work on setting a schedule for yourself throughout the day. This will allow you to stay on top of targets and avoid a situation where you feel as though things are starting to build up or grow out of your control.

Alter Your Environment

It’s also worth considering whether or not your environment is contributing to higher levels of stress than usual in your life. This could relate to both your home and professional environment. For instance, it’s possible that your home isn’t set up for good mental health. This can be the case if your home is overly cluttered and filled with things that you don’t need. Research also suggests that keeping a high air quality can improve stress levels and ensure that you will be able to think far more clearly overall.

Seek Support

Finally, if you are struggling with high levels of stress and tension in your life, then you should think about seeking out support. It’s possible and indeed likely that your stress is tied to trauma or a deeper aspect of your past. If that’s the case, then it’s in your best interest to make sure that you are doing something about this. Speaking to a professional can help because they will encourage you to tackle a type of trauma like this head-on.

We hope this helps you understand some of the key steps that you can take to fight back against high levels of stress in your life to ensure that it doesn’t have a severe impact on your well-being. In doing so, you can get your life back on track and focus on things that truly matter.

2023/02/21 0 comments

Mom Life

How to Make Mom Life More Organized

by Deborah Cruz 2021/03/27

written by Deborah Cruz

Estimated reading time: 3 minutes

As a mom, you know just how busy life can be. We’re always on the go and always have things that we need to do. We rarely get a moment to ourself because we’re always busy doing things and looking after everyone else. But that’s just what mom life is like – and we wouldn’t change it for the world. Well, maybe some more sleep and hours in the day would be awesome. I can’t make more hours in the day or help with your insomnia but I can help with some best organization and planning tips for mom life to make life easier.

We all wish that things could be a little bit more streamlined. And that’s only natural. We all feel that way. It’s always going to be a good thing if we can all be organized and a little more put together. We feel calmer and can go through the day with a bit more clarity. But how easy is that to do in practice?

Let’s take a look at five ideas that might be able to help you make mom life more organized.

Manage Your Finances Well

First of all, you will want to make sure that things like your finances, bills, and household paperwork is organized. It sounds crazy, but if you’re worried about this or not organized, it can affect how well you are able to manage the rest of your life.

Have a Schedule

Next up, you’re going to want to make sure that you have a daily and weekly routine too. This can be good for your kids but also for all the things that you need to do. It’ll help you to feel more organized instead of like you have too much to do and no time to do it.

Turn to Your Family

From here, you may then want to rely on some of your family more. It could even be your partner. Even having your mom close by could be really helpful for you here.

Keep Things Tidy

When it comes to the rest of your home, you’ll find that it’s a good idea for you to try and keep things as tidy as possible. A tidy home can make you feel so much more organized and together. It will also then make everything else you have to do easier too.

https://youtu.be/IjkmqbJTLBM

Make It a Mindset Thing

And finally, you’re going to want to try and make this a bit of a mindset thing. If you know that you are always thinking about things and worrying or panicking, you need to change that. Working to get more of a positive mindset can really help. When you’re able to focus on the good things, take one day at a time, and be grateful, it really does help you transform your life and everyday.

As much as it can seem like trying to be organized as a mom is impossible, it’s really not. There are always going to be things and organization tips for mom that you can do to make your days that little bit easier. To pick out what’ll work for you and see what results you get.

2021/03/27 0 comments

Entertainment Mental Health

14 Asian Rom Com Series that can Save You From Your Pandemic Pit of Despair

by Deborah Cruz 2020/09/15

written by Deborah Cruz

I’ve never needed streaming television more than I do now. This coronavirus pandemic has begun to affect me in ways that I never could have expected. I’ve watched everything in English, Spanish, French, Italian, Swedish and Belgian that I could find. I’ve always loved Asian horror because it’s simply the scariest. What I never expected my heart would need is Asian Rom Coms, all Asian Drama, K-dramas, C-drama, J-drama, coming of age series and kPop soundtracks. I’m not even a Rom-Com girl. But Asian Rom Com series just hit in a different way than their American counterparts. They are pure and innocent. I find myself smiling a lot.

If you’re not familiar with this genre, acquaint yourself. These series can also sometimes fall into the categories of K-Dramas, J-Dramas and C-Dramas. If you’re wondering why I am out of the blue recommending these shows, I’m going to be 100% honest with you. I’ve been really stressed during this pandemic but I’ve been keeping it all neatly bottled up inside because this issue is so huge and insurmountable that keeping a lid on my feelings about it is the only way for me to mentally survive it.

As many of you know, I was diagnosed with Bipolar 1 when I was 27. I haven’t had a manic or depressive episode in over a decade. To be honest, the only “depression” I’ve truly ever experienced was the result of an overly stressful coming of age time in my own teens when my dad was a volatile alcoholic and again in 2012, when I lost our third baby. I actually feel like both of those instances were completely normal responses to the situation however, I am not trusted to assess my own emotional well-being. My point is that this pandemic has me terrified for my own mental health.

Rather than feeling like I’m depressed, at least not anything like I’ve ever known, I’m feeling anxious (again, I feel under these circumstances is a pretty normal reaction for anyone) but what’s scaring me is this walking a tightrope feeling in my gut that feels like mania is lurking right beneath the surface, just waiting to break through. That terrifies me because I’ve never had an episode since becoming a mom. But, I’m also not who I was in my 20’s, I know the disease I’m battling. I know it well. I’ve researched it, made peace with it and embraced it. I’ve had extensive training on how to move through it and how to get myself off the ledge. Still, it’s scary. The feeling that any wrong move can send me freefalling and crashing towards earth as my daughters and the Big Guy watch on. That scares me the most.

Luckily, I just had 2 weeks off of school (Oh yeah, did I forget to mention that I’ve gone back to school to get another Masters of Science (this time in Digital Marketing) during a pandemic?) but today, I went back. It gave me the time I needed to look more closely at the situation and realize what’s happening; to get my bearings. When I had my miscarriage, I had this same walking a tightrope feeling, I survived it with binge-watching the UK version of Shameless…all 10 seasons. I’m the kind of person who needs to feel her feelings and I write to process but when it gets to be too much, I start to short circuit. Recently, I’ve been finding it harder and harder to write. I can’t even will myself to commit my thoughts to keyboard. That means for my own mental health, I have to let go of the overthinking and I have to relinquish control and numb myself to relieve the pressure.

READ ALSO: The Last Goodbye

Before I knew what my diagnosis was, I used to drink to do this. I was in college so it seemed pretty normal. Didn’t every anorexic 100 lb girl drink 6-12 beers a night? I did. I don’t do that anymore. Seldom do I have even 3 drinks in a year these days. Caffeine and alcohol are on my “in moderation” list. Sleep for me is supposed to be 10-12 hours a night, to maintain normal. I live on 4-6, if I’m sick, I can force 8. My insomnia is my constant companion. I’ve noticed it’s gotten worse these past few weeks. My bedtime is frequently at 4 am. I know this is not normal but nothing brings the sleep, not even the sleep medication. This is a trigger warning for me.

My point to all of this is that Asian Rom Coms are currently saving my sanity. I need their quiet, sweet, romantic, coming-of-age endearing storylines to focus on and laugh and cry with to process my emotions in small quantities. These series are literally my emotional support series’. When I’m in a manic episode, I become obsessive so binge-watching is better than eating or shopping. The alternative is giving myself over to the erratic, reckless and self-satisfying darkness. Instead, I’m choosing to quiet my mind by anesthetizing it with the calm voices of Asia’s finest young actors. I’m enjoying them so much; I’m thinking of trying to learn Mandarin (because speaking 4 languages is not enough) …this could be the mania talking but I’m going to give it a try with no expectations (that’s how I know I’m still aware of my behavior).

READ ALSO: How to Love Forever

I know that the pandemic has brought about its own unique challenges for everyone, I’m not the only one whose mental illness has been reactivated in the wake of the world being on fire. I’m not special (look at me not having grandiose thoughts of self-importance). I’m not saying that Asian rom coms are the answer to saving the world’s sanity from the Coronavirus pandemic, but I’m not saying they’re not either. They are very entertaining, add levity, laughter and cathartic sobbing when needed and unlike the typical American teen dramas we are used to there is not any of the excessive drinking, juuling and sex scenes. It’s just endearing and thoughtful naïve first love, the kind we had in the beginning and wish for our own children to someday experience. Plus, the people, the music, the language and the culture are so beautiful to watch and learn more about. Right now, I’m truly thankful for Netflix and Rakuten Viki.

For me, I know that Asian rom coms can’t fix mental illness but just like psychiatric drugs, behavioral therapy and cognitive therapy, in my recovery, they definitely have their place. Here are my favorite Asian Rom Coms for beginners. For reference, my top 4 are the first 4 on the list below. Also, this list includes Chinese, Korean, Japanese and Taiwanese recs. Don’t worry if you don’t know the languages, that’s what subtitles are for and honestly, even without subtitles, you can enjoy these shows. Seriously, Asian Rom Coms can help us all survive the pandemic. TBH, the worst thing about Asian Rom Coms is that they end and I want more seasons.

Top Asian Rom Coms to watch for beginners

Meteor Garden

Chinese/ Netflix /2018

Dong Shancai is determined to excel at her dream university, where she encounters an elite clique of dashing, popular high-achievers — and finds love, Dao Ming Si. Starring Dylan Wang and Shen Yeu.

A Love so Beautiful

Chinese / Netflix/ 2017

The ups and downs of school, family and growing up test the love between a budding artist, Chen Xiaoxi, and her handsome but indifferent classmate and neighbor, Jiang Chen. Starring Hu Yi Tian and Shen Ye.

Go Go Squid

Chinese/ Rakuten Viki/ 2019

At 19, Tong Nian, a brilliant IT programming student with stellar grades and an equally impressive social media following, is winning at life. She never has a problem meeting new people. But all that changes the day Han Shang Yan walks into her life. Starring Li Xian, Yang Zi and Hu Yi Tian.

I Hear You

Chinese/ Netflix/ 2019

Love blooms between a bubbly, aspiring voice actress and a cool, enigmatic violin-maker after they cross paths on a reality TV show. Starring Riley Wang, Zhao Lusi and Zhang Jiongmin.

Miss In Kiss

Taiwanese/ Netflix/ 2016

A quirk of fate sends an ordinary, sweet-natured high school girl and her father into the home of the school genius, on whom she has a huge crush. Starring Dino Lee and Esther Wu.

Put Your Head on My Shoulder

Chinese/ Netflix/ 2019

As Si Tu Mo’s graduation is nearing, she is confused about her future plans. She tries out all sorts of things all the time and is unable to make her own decisions. Starring Lin Yi and Xing Fei.

The Liar and His Lover

South Korean/ Netflix/ 2017

Love Story of a genius composer and a high school girl who sings. She falls in love at first sight but it’s never that easy. The drama is based on the popular Japanese manga Kanojo wa Uso o Aishisugiteru by Kotomi Aoki. Starring Lee Hyun-woo and Joy with Lee Jung-jin, Lee Seo-won and Hong Seo-young

Second 20s

South Korean/ Netflix/ 2015

Almost 40, Ha No-Ra’s son is about to go away to college and her husband wants a divorce the moment the kid’s out of the house. Ha No-Ra goes back to school and meets Cha Hyun-Suk, an old schoolmate who is now a professor. Unknown to her, Cha Hyun-Suk had the biggest crush on her in high school but she never noticed. Starring Choi Ji-woo and Lee Sang-yoon.

My First First Love

Korean/ Netflix/ 2019

Due to various personal reasons, some of Yun Tae-o’s friends move into his house, where they experience love, friendship and everything in between. Starring Ji Soo and Jung Chae-Yeon.

Hello, My Twenties

Korean/ Netflix/ 2016

Five female housemates and college students meet and live at the Belle Epoque. While strangers at first, they are able to bond and connect over the traumas they experienced while growing up. Together they juggle the perils of adult life. Starring Ryu Hwa-young, Park Hye-soo, Park Eun-bin, Han Seung –yeon , Han Ye-ri, Yoon Park and Shin Hyun-soo.

Good Morning Call

Japanese/ Netflix/ 2016

A teenager has finally gotten her own apartment. The only problem is that she’s sharing it with the most popular boy in school, and they have to keep it a secret. Starring Shun’ya Shiraishi and Haruka Fukuhara.

Love Alarm

Korean/ Netflix/ 2019

In a world in which an app alerts people if someone in the vicinity likes them, Kim Jojo experiences young love while coping with personal adversities. Starring Song Kang and Kim So-hyun.

Shy Boss

Korean/ Netflix/ 2017

The quiet life of an extreme introvert is thrown upside down when his company hires a cheery and outgoing new employee who’s not all she seems. Starring Yeon Woo-jin, Park Hye-soo and Yoon Park.

Accidentally in Love

Korean/ Netflix/ 2018

A popular singer decides to go back to school, becoming the center of attention there and meets an ordinary female student who is more than he ever imagined. Starring Guo Junchen, Amy Sun, Zhao Yiqin and Yuan Hao.

This is just a beginner’s list of some of my favorites. There are so many more and I encourage you all to check them all out. I highly recommend you check them out and if you do, please come back here and leave me some comments. I’m fairly new to the genre but would love to discuss it with all of you, especially if you’ve watched them or have recommendations of K-Drama and Asian Rom Coms that I should check out, bonus points if they have Li Xian, Dylan Wang and Shen Yeu in them.

2020/09/15 2 comments

Mental Health

I am Kanye West

by Deborah Cruz 2020/07/28

written by Deborah Cruz

Kanye West is in the middle of what appears to me to be a shit storm of a manic episode and I should know because I’ve lived through my own fair share of shit storms of manic episodes. They’re not pretty and coming out of one is the worst part. It’s like being held hostage while your mind spins out of control and explodes all of your relationships. Surviving marriage with a bipolar partner is one of the hardest things anyone can experience. Of course, I never had my manic episodes in full view of the public. I was never a celebrity and thank God for that because what an asshole I was. I am Kanye West.

Bipolar is a mental illness. I don’t even know how to accurately describe it as I’ve only ever known it from the inside out. When I’m non-episodic, I can look back with a clear vision and see the outrageousness of the manic me but in the throes of it, I couldn’t recognize it if you paid me. This is why the Big Guy and I have a system in place.

He doesn’t blame every bad mood on my bipolar 1 and I don’t get away with bad behavior because I have a diagnosis. We both know that when I’m flying high, the last thing you can do is try to reason me down, so when/if I have a full manic episode, he’s my rock to keep me grounded. He agrees to be my reality check and I agree to give him that power. It’s the greatest trust you can give to anyone else. This is surviving marriage with a bipolar partner. You’re probably wondering why I’m telling you all of this. There is a point.

I’ve seen what Kim and Kanye are going through. More importantly, I see what Kim is going through. It breaks my heart because I’ve been Kanye. I’m telling you this because I read Kim Kardashian’s Insta Stories posts and they got in my head and in my heart. You see, I’ve been watching Kanye and I see myself. I’ve been him. This is mania. Mania is a gift and a curse. It’s like having wings; you feel invincible. You just keep rising higher and higher until no one can touch you. And then, just as suddenly and unexpectedly, you come crashing down in one of 2 ways, you either fall into a pit of despair and depression or (like me) you get stuck on “ON” and you can’t stop and your body gets exhausted but your mind won’t turn off and you are trapped in a mind and body at war and you’re the hostage. It is exhausting, it’s irritating and in the end, it’s terrifying to never be able to turn off your on switch.

READ ALSO: How my diagnosis saved me

You’re asking yourself, why not take medicine? If only it were that easy. We’d all be chemically balanced. Well, I did take medicine and many years of behavioral therapy because after accepting your illness, you have to learn to live with it. But it’s not easy figuring out the drug cocktail to a definitely not one size fits all mental illness.

If you do get the right drugs, you have to get the right amounts and you have to constantly monitor for changing moods and chemicals. Think of it as having an imaginary balance scale that you’re constantly needing to adjust so that you don’t chemically topple in one way or the other. On top of all of that, you have to be cognizant that your actions can be catastrophic to the people you love. It’s a lot especially when we are usually known for our creativity, so we’re assholes from the beginning.

It’s like being Icarus, you go so high you touch the sun, you get burned, catch fire and turn to ash and the world watches on. You watch on, held captive by your manic mind, only to come down to be confronted by all the destruction you caused while eclipsing the sun.I went through the worst of mine as a college student and newlywed before I had kids and before I lived my life online. Still, even without kids, for the Big Guy surviving marriage to a bipolar partner was almost impossible. Our marriage would not have survived if I hadn’t gotten help.

I am Kanye West

Kanye has had to live his Bipolar episodes under the scrutiny of the public eye and I would not wish that on my worst enemy. Anyways, back to why I am writing this, Kim Kardashian. She wrote some powerful words about the disease. Words that only a person whose been through it or watched someone they love descend into madness could write.

Surviving Marriage with a Bipolar Partner, I am Kanye West, bipolar disorder, mania, Kim Kardashian

Kim’s words of love and compassion are a true commentary on what it’s like loving someone with bipolar. It’s brutal. Like seriously fucking hard. My husband, I don’t know how he stayed but I’m glad that he did. I was as difficult as anyone could possibly be. I had no boundaries and no respect for consequences. If you know me now, you wouldn’t think that about me but I am who I am because I went through what I went through to become who I am.

READ ALSO: I am Robin Williams

Surviving Marriage with a Bipolar Partner, I am Kanye West, bipolar disorder, mania, Kim Kardashian

So when I say that Kanye is acting crazy, it’s not an insult. It’s not me being flip about mental illness, which I think some people thought that from a post I put n Facebook. I forget that not everyone knows my business. I’ve written about it quite a few times on here and I guess I take it for granted that everyone’s a fan.

It’s me recognizing my illness in someone else, having compassion and empathy for Kanye. Hoping that his marriage can weather this storm because of all the things we are forced to sacrifice to our illness, our partnerships shouldn’t have to be one of them. It’s rooting for him to come through this on the other side without damaging too many relationships or ruining his career.

Kim deserves to know the road map for surviving marriage with a bipolar partner.

The thing with mania is when we’re manic, we don’t think beyond the moment. We’re not capable. It’s a very id serving illness and you can’t tell us any different because we can’t be reasoned with because we are not in a rational state of mind. This is not a choice we make. Honestly, the recklessness is something that comes along with the mania and drags us along for the ride. The easiest way to recognize someone with bipolar is reckless behavior. It’s a red flag. Pressured speech. CHECK. Speeding. CHECK. Spending a lot of money. CHECK. Insomnia. CHECK. From the outside, I was fun on steroids and then I was hell on wheels. There was never an in-between for me. I was all or nothing and it ruined relationships, friendships and opportunities.

Now, I live in the in-between with slight ticks up and falls down but nothing like before I was diagnosed. It’s still hard. There is no cure. You learn to live in the in-between. I have moments when I can feel the mania coming on but I don’t give myself over to it anymore. Instead, I hold on and I do whatever I can do in my power to minimize damage and destruction to my life, to my family and to the person I am today. The luxury of just riding the wave and feeling it all isn’t an option because the price is too high. I say all this with the clarity of education, therapy, wisdom and experience because I’ve been living with this illness most of my life but diagnosed for the past 20.

My diagnosis did not scare me. Hope is in accepting the broken. Relief came in knowing. Ready to embrace the disease by the time I received it because I was so weary from surviving it. I read everything I could to learn more; immersing myself in understanding. Giving myself forgiveness and grace because it was the only way to move forward and separate myself from the disease was the only thing to do. Otherwise, the shame spiral would have been too much to overcome.

We all do things that we otherwise wouldn’t, especially when chemically imbalanced. We have no control before we know what the problem is, we accept it as it is who we are. Just because we are bipolar doesn’t mean we don’t deserve to be loved. But it’s not easy to love us. We’re difficult even on our good days. I am Kanye West and this is what surviving marriage with a bipolar partner looks like.

2020/07/28 2 comments

Newer Posts

Older Posts