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motherhood, #promisetobaby, johnson and johnson

I’ve been thinking about the beauty of motherhood a lot lately, in every way. It’s been a life changing couple of years. When I started this blog, I was in the thick of motherhood. I couldn’t see the beauty of it at all.

Sure, I saw the miracle in birth and felt the all consuming love that filled my heart with a smile from my daughters but I was right in the middle of it; too exhausted, too overwhelmed to stop and enjoy the little moments. I was too busy just trying to survive and truly believed that motherhood was misery peppered with moments of profound bliss but now I know better. Motherhood gives me so much more than I can ever give them. We give them life but they give us purpose.

The true beauty of motherhood is in the unexpected.

We just welcomed our newborn niece into the world and I’ve had babies on the brain. You know how that works? Ovaries start twitching and your uterus is all whispering, ” if you like it than you should put a baby in it!” Sneaky, baby loving uterus.

Babies are amazing and they smell like apples and pure love and you just want to eat them up and thank God because they leave you so freaking exhausted that you can’t see straight and you just want to cry. If only you had a free moment to do so.

birth, beauty of motherhood, motherhood, newborns, parenting

The beauty of motherhood is that it is always changing.

My daughters are now 6 and 8-years-old and I have to say, I really like them; as people. They are kind, funny, smart, full of personality and wit and I am so proud to have even a very small part to do with that. I’ve made it a point over the past year to try and step back, breathe and be in the moment.

I spent so many years going through the motions; doing what I thought was expected of a “good” mom but it was more like a checklist than enjoying and embracing the beauty of motherhood. It was one more thing that I had to get done to get to the next moment. But what was I rushing towards? The letting go? Tomorrow is not guaranteed.

I know it’s easier said than done but every moment we have with our children may not be magical, but each and every one is a miracle.  One day, I realized it doesn’t matter how perfect the birthday parties are or whether or not they have all the coolest clothes and toys, luxurious vacations and a big house in a fancy neighborhood. None of it matters because at the end of the day, all kids really care about or remember is that you loved them and the time you spent with them.

birth, beauty of motherhood, motherhood, newborns, parenting

The real beauty of motherhood lies within the mistakes and do overs.

I know that my girls are my two favorite people in the world and no matter what sleep I’ve lost, nights out I’ve sacrificed, money or my body that I have lost, it’s all worth it to be loved and have the privilege of loving my little girls. No amount of money, sleep or fun will ever be able to replace the early morning hugs and silly giggles that only a child of your own can bring.

Motherhood changes everything. Motherhood is hard. Motherhood is the realization that you can love deeper and truer than you ever thought possible and then just as quickly realizing that the thing you love most in the world, is walking around free in the world. Your heart is on the loose and you know that any hurt or damage they endure, will be multiplied by infinity in your own heart.

birth, beauty of motherhood, motherhood, newborns, parenting

The beauty of motherhood is the simple gift of loving and being loved so unconditionally that nothing else matters.

Motherhood is glorious in ways that I never knew possible and painful in ways that I never imagined. Motherhood is messy and wonderful. From the moment you know they exist, they will change your life forever. It’s harder than anything you’ve ever done or will ever do because it’s more important than anything else you will ever do.

But we do it willingly because the reward always outweighs the sacrifice and that’s the real truth about motherhood that no one ever tells you. The beauty of motherhood is that it’s blindingly beautiful at times and at other times it takes the breath right out of you.

Your heart won’t know what hit it. Enjoy it. Every single minute of it because it flies by and before you know it, the precious baby who you were wishing to crawl is out the door, dating and driving and all you can do is hold on for dear life as you are forced to let go.

birth, beauty of motherhood, motherhood, newborns, parenting

Beautiful, sweet Delaney, welcome to the world and Kate & Jeff, welcome to this wonderful, crazy club we call parenthood. It’s the best and hardest thing you will ever do and it is worth every single second of sleep lost and tear shed. XOXO

That is the real, true beauty of motherhood.

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truth, motherhood, parenting, babies, pregnancy,toddler, the truth about motherhood

When you were pregnant did you ever wonder what the hell the truth about motherhood was really going to be? Did any of us really consider what was about to happen or were we so overwrought with hormones and “mothering instincts” that we just assumed that it would all come naturally? Silly girl, I guess that was a lesson we all had to learn the hard way. That’s the funny thing about motherhood, it’s the most important job in the world and nature counts on us “learning as we go.” So strap on the biggest mom goggles you’ve got because life’s about to get mom colored.

I bet you never realized that motherhood is a club, more exclusive than the Junior League, the country club or any other social/philanthropic women’s club you’d ever encountered up until now. I know it seems like they let anyone in but they don’t. Sure lots of women can get pregnant and technically be a “mom” but there’s more to it than just egg meet sperm. It takes a tough broad to really by a mommy; to invest her life in such a thankless pursuit. 

It’s called motherhood, full of bliss and insanity, and it’s situated right in the middle of a war. It’s like the middle east with screaming newborns and crying moms but instead of AK-47s we’re all being held hostage by one emotion; love…unconditional, never ending, all consuming, kiss your baby on the lips, eat half chewed up Cheerios and smell a baby’s butt in public…LOVE.

Welcome to the TRUTH about Motherhood

This is where I will give you the real, true to life play-by-play of this lunacy we call parenting. Believe me when I tell you that I never thought I would become this person. Before I was an actual mom, I was the best mom ever. I knew everything and had parenting down to a science but then actual living, breathing human beings entered the picture and all my thoughts on parenting went to shit.

Yes, there are many, many women in this club, from all countries and walks of life. Do you know of any other sorority where the initiation rite is growing and producing a human being? Seriously, that’s a little steep. It’s a never ending membership. Once you’ve joined, you’re a lifer and believe me it’s more stringent than any other club I belong to. It’s like being jumped into a gang. There is no way out. It’s a ’til death to we part sort of situation so hold on to your hats ladies, shit’s about to get real up in here.

motherhood, mother

 The Real TRUTH about Motherhood

Once you are in the “Motherhood”, you are continuously scrutinized for your choices; from conception (whether its planned or a completely unexpected pregnancy), to delivery, what you wear, what your child wears, how you speak to your child, what classes you take and the lists goes on to infinity and beyond. Worse still, most other mothers never tell you the “truth” about how hard motherhood is but they will judge you for your mistakes. Double edged motherhood sword in the house. The secrets of motherhood are securely hidden from the newbies under lock and key by other mothers; being careful not to reveal an inkling of the real truth for fear that the species may cease to exist.

But I think we are tougher than that. I think we moms are stronger than we give ourselves credit for being and I think our best chance of being the best moms we can be to our children is through forging a real sisterhood through motherhood. There is strength in numbers and if we all just be real with one another, we can lift one another up. Help one another survive without too much guilt and a whole lot of beautiful memories.

motherhood,the truth about motherhood, pregnancy, babies, parenting

You aren’t usually told the hard truth about pregnancy, labor, subsequent siblings, bedtime, discipline, after baby body or any of the other gruesome aspects of motherhood by your friends and neighbors.  You will hear all about the awesomeness by your mom friends. You will have rainbows and unicorns coming out of your ass. But that’s not reality. I’m Debi, a very Truthful Mommy and this is the truth that your mothers, sisters and girlfriends might never tell you!

This is the beginning, so if you are ready for the TRUTH about motherhood, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, as it happens to me, stay tuned! I’ll be giving you the good, the bad, the ugly of motherhood. I’ll be irreverent and brutally honest, so hold on to your hats. Shit is about to get real. Welcome to The TRUTH about Motherhood. My TRUTH about Motherhood!

motherhood, parenting, mother, the TRUTH about Motherhood

 

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Truthful Mommy Tells All~My TRUTHs about Motherhood

 

Today is the last day of my month long celebration of my 2nd Blog anniversary ( And MY 600th post in 2 years) and I wanted to share Truthful Mommy Tells All~ My TRUTH about Motherhood. I also want to thank all of my fabulously talented and honest friends who shared their truth with my readers. You are my village and you all help me through this journey of motherhood with our conversations. I hope that sharing my TRUTH over these past two years has been a source of comfort and commiseration for you to know that you are not alone in this roller coaster of uncertainty that we call parenting.  My truth is  something that I have been learning slowly over the past 6 years and even more so since I have joined the blogging community. I don’t think I can contain it all in a single post but I will share some of it here. Again, thank YOU for joining the conversation and trusting me enough to share your experiences with the TRUTH about Motherhood community.

Truthful Mommy Tells All~My TRUTHs about Motherhood

My TRUTH about Motherhood; My Sunshine

  • No Mommy is an island. Sometimes, it may feel like you are stranded alone and desperate on an island all by yourself with the crazy little natives but you are never alone. All you have to do is reach out and there you will find the sisterhood that will rescue you from the solitude and the drowning days. Make no mistake, that life preserver can come in the form of family, a friend,your husband, the next door neighbor,the lady sitting across from you at ballet rehearsal, a mommy of one of your children’s friends, a doctor, someone you’ve met online or through your blog, or a complete stranger. We only have to be open to seeing the preserver, which usually comes in the form of a honest conversation.

 

Truthful Mommy Tells All~My TRUTHs about Motherhood

My TRUTH about Motherhood, my Heart

  • It really does take a village to raise a child. I have not lived close to family  since having my children so I have had to be dependent on a small but mighty group of women who I am blessed to call my sisters. It only works if you can be honest though. Our tight knit friendships were forged through pain and honesty. The first step is acceptance. We had to accept that we are not perfect and everyone needs a shoulder to cry on, a hand to help up and an ear to listen during the tough times as well as a friend to truly enjoy the happy times.

 

Truthful Mommy Tells All~My TRUTHs about Motherhood

  • Children really do change everything. From the moment you are aware of their existence, they change you from the physicality of your body,what you eat, drink, your lifestyle, your finances, your perspective of the world, your job, your beliefs,your hopes and dreams even the very way that you move through the world.One thing I can guarantee you that you will experience when you have your baby, everything else that you ever held in esteem will become a distant second.

 

  • Truthful Mommy Tells All~My TRUTHs about Motherhood

 

  • You will love your children more than you have ever loved anything in the entire world. (maybe not at first and certainly you may not like them at times(especially the hormonal teen years) but you will come to love them always.)You will realize that you have forgotten most of your life before they came into it. You will realize that you are capable of being a selfless person, no matter how selfish you may have been beforehand.You will make sacrifices that you would have never in your entire life thought yourself capable of. Children test our character and stretch our hearts above and beyond capacity.
  • You will cry at the thought of them growing up and leaving, no matter how absolutely crazy they may drive you when they are screaming, fighting, tantruming, biting their siblings,asking you the same question 7000 times,or staying up all night with colic. No matter how hard they may make life in the moment, there is nothing greater than tiny arms wrapped around your neck telling you how much they love you….looking at you like a fat kid looks at cake.There is no greater love than that experienced between a parent and a child.
  • They make us better people.You will become a better version of yourself. Oh there will be days of complete doubt and feelings of incompetency and guilt. The guilt is almost too much to bear on some days. The guilt is the growing pains of motherhood. It is us metamorphosing into our better self. As we strive to be better people for our littles, we begin to experience regret for some of our actions. This is where we must forgive ourselves. No one is perfect. Some days we growl and roar and some days we cry and other days we do every single thing right and its the BEST DAY EVER but through every single minute of it…we love so big that our hearts are about to burst.This is love.
  • Naps are as important to Mommies as food and water are to the rest of the population. Naps for the kids so you can have alone time.Time to decompress, think and regroup…to hang on to that last thread of your sanity. Naps for you because Mommies need sleep. Repeat after me…MOMMIES NEED SLEEP. This is so you can function at human capacity, be a better Mommy and feel better about yourself.Start this routine before the baby is born. If you are tired, take a nap!
  • Motherhood is misery peppered with moments of complete bliss.It’s a lot of hard work with no downtime ( and really crappy pay) and anyone who says otherwise is a liar. But the moments of joy, all those moments that overwhelm and eradicate the minutia , they are so big that they fill our hearts like a camels humps and we can live on the joyous moments through the guilt and the self sacrifice and even the tantruming, nothing’s going right..I’m still in my yoga pants from yesterday and my hairs not been washed in a week days. The bliss is ethereal. The misery is relevant. One days misery is another days joy. Embrace it all, every single moment of it because it is fleeting.
  • You will never again think in terms of “Me” and “I”, it will forevermore be “We” and “Us”. It’s not enough that I have become this self-sacrificing, put them ahead of my every want and need, person. Now, when I walk through the stores..even when they are not with me physically, I say “Excuse us”” we would like…”. I get the strangest looks.  Because even though they are not by my side, they have taken up permanent residence in my heart and I am sure they will remain there throughout my time on earth( I wouldn’t have it any other way). I have finally began to emerge from my Mommy coma and remember who I am and what I wanted before they came into my life. But my perspective has changed, all that was SO important to me before is not that important to me now. Things that were completely unimportant are now vital. I have changed. I am constantly evolving.I am realizing that as they grow and need me less, I can claim a little more of my time and thought for myself but they still permeate the very core of all that I do.For example, I write this blog because writing is a passion of mine, always has been. But I write about my life as a Mother, which is directly influenced by them. See how that works:) I guess I can look at it as I have the best of both worlds.It just took me a little while to learn how to exist with a foot in each world without losing my balance and toppling.
  • Motherhood is the most humbling, amazing, insanity inducing experience that one can ever endure with a smile on their face and come out the other end feeling like not only did you survive but you changed the world. When I first thought of becoming a mother, I thought of holding a tiny new baby in my arms and loving it more than anything ever before or since. That I was spot on about. But I never could have imagined the ways in which motherhood has tested me physically, emotionally, mentally, intellectually, and spiritually. It has rocked my very soul. I have been pulled and pushed and stomped and scratched and beaten by motherhood only to emerge, stronger than I EVER thought I was capable of being. Motherhood has taught me that life is unexpected and in the experiencing is the living. We can not plan, organize, chart or will what life will bring to us when we have children. We are at the mercy of our all encompassing mother’s heart. I have been brought to tears by my child’s bravery, a tiny needle in an even tinier vein on my baby’s hand brought me to my knees, jaundice almost sent me into a tailspin, breastfeeding broke my heart, cartoons have made me cry, I have a phobia of raisins because one almost stole my daughter from me. I have gained superhero powers when the moment called for it. I have turned into a mother bear, tiger, and even a helicopter on occasion.I have become pliable where I used to be cut and dry. I have learned that I can bend and twist and stretch and pull and push but I will not break. I have learned that poop can be consumed in small amounts and not kill you. I have learned that pennies can be swallowed an come out the other end. I have learned that pearls, fuscilli, and popcorn kernels all fit perfectly up a child’s nose. I’ve learned that when a phone is in a grown ups hand a child will begin to talk incessantly. I’ve learned that when little people talk, they have a lot to say. I’ve also learned that they are a lot smarter and wiser than we give them credit for being.I’ve learned that when they are hurt or their heart is broken, my heart feels the pain..ten fold. I have learned that I would stop a bullet with my face if it meant keeping my child out of harms way. I’ve learned that if someone rear ends my car with my girls inside, they run the risk of a crazy whip-lashed lady jumping out of the car and attacking them. I’ve learned this and so much more that I’d need to write a book to share it all. But most of all,I’ve learned that MY world is a better place with my girls in it for me to love.

 

Truthful Mommy,My TRUTH about Motherhood

 My TRUTH about Motherhood, My Life

  • Motherhood is hard work.If anyone tells you any different, they are a liar. It is the hardest job that you will ever love. But there are moments when you won’t love it so much.That’s OK. That’s normal.If you loved every single second of every single day of Motherhood, we’d have to assume that you were on a high dose of prescription drugs or Mommy juice and that’s perfectly acceptable at times too. Just always remember, if you love your child unconditionally, do the best you can to teach them to be good people, and keep them healthy and out of harms way…YOU ARE THE BEST MOMMY EVER! (I know this because my girls tell me this daily, between the I hate yous and I love yous!)

P.S. This post originally went live on May 31, 2011 but I needed the reminder of all these things today. It’s a year and a half later and it’s still all relevant. I am guest posting at my friend, Gigi’s today talking about my early onset holiday burnout. She has a wonderful series called Around the Bonfire and asked me to join in. I am honored. Hope you will check it out.

I shared my TRUTH about Motherhood, what is yours?

 

 

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Motherhood, in the quiet, mom, wife, parenting

Embracing Motherhood in the Quiet Moments ~ Those few and far between moments of motherhood when I can drink in the love of my children and fully cherish my role as mom. In these quite moments of mothering, as I lie here between my two little girls in bed; both holding a hand, cuddled deep into me and making me the center of their universe. I inhale the sweet smells of their childhood and grip their tiny sticky hands more tightly than I should and exhale with a sigh of appreciation at the gift of these two creatures. How I want these moments to last forever. Before I had my girls, I never realized how dynamic the mother/child relationship actually was.

Embracing motherhood means finding bliss in the mundane.

I look at my 6 year old, lying to my right, and I see a 16-year-old looming. I can feel her childhood slipping through my fingers. As she lies there in her slumber, her angelic face relaxed, no sassing in sight, I can lose myself in that small face forever. She is so pleasing, imaginative and clever, the type of kid who simultaneously amazes and inspires you. She looks at the entire world with a child’s naïveté and wonder.

My sweet girl is the kind of child who leaves random sticky notes for me to find with  “I Love you Mome” written on them in the endearing handwriting of a child. I always seem to find them just when I need them the most. In many ways, she is my savior. How I wish I could protect her from the hurts of the world and from the cruel realities and injustices that exist beyond our doorstep.

Soon she will be taller than I am, but when I look at her, I always see the tiny newborn that they placed into my arms on the day that I became a mother. The day that my life changed forever. I may barely be able to carry her off to bed any more but I will always carry her in the space that she occupies in my heart. It was made for her. For as long as I take breath into my lungs, she will reside there.

Embracing motherhood is finding awe in the ordinary.

My 4-year-old, lying in bed to my left, with her night mask on, looking like the world’s sweetest sleep bandit. How I wish I could keep her small forever. She brings joy to my world on a daily basis and I am eternally grateful for being allowed to be her mother. She is so strong, sensitive, and loud. Yet, shy when meeting someone for the first time. She is refreshingly, near brutally honest. This is one of her most endearing qualities. She becomes more and more like me every day. When she was born she was so round and full and now before me lies a waif like angel. She was once dark and covered in curls, now she is ethereal and light. She is ever changing and ever surprising and certainly, keeps us on our toes but she is like the air that I breathe; she sustains me. She gives me hope and happiness just to see her smile. She makes the world a better place just by being in it.

In this moment, I realize that I need to be more present. These moments of motherhood are moving by quickly, years are passing like days and before I know it, I will not be able to lie here at night and watch them sleep; hear them breathe, know they are safe, fully employ this honor of being their mother. Motherhood has made me a better person in the world. I’m not afraid to say it out loud, my daughters are my greatest accomplishment and joy. I know that may sound antiquated but as I lie here looking at their tiny faces, so gentle, peaceful and perfect; I know that I have changed the world. I have made a difference. These girls are a gift to the world. They are the change that I want to see in the world.

These quiet moments of motherhood inspire me to embrace all that I have been given. How has motherhood changed you? How has motherhood inspired you to go after your own dreams?

Motherhood makes Ordinary women ExtraOrdinary

 

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sisterhood, motherhood, similac

The sisterhood of motherhood, isn’t it a beautiful thing? Seriously, without it where would we be? My mom friends, that unbreakable sisterhood of motherhood, is what got me through those early days of motherhood. They were my tether to sanity.

When I first became a mom, it was the single most amazing and simultaneously most isolating thing that had ever happened to me. There is just something about bringing life into the world that takes a woman and elevates her expectations of the world. My first decision was to stay huddled in our home, safely away from any and all germs, until I absolutely had to leave the house; six weeks later for my check up.

Immediately, I began to hold everything to a higher standard, including myself. My mission in life became to not break the baby; the perfect, amazing, beautiful creature whom I had just brought into the world. It’s a lot of pressure.

Motherhood gives you a new perspective of the world; more insight, more tolerance, more love and bravery like you’ve never known before. 

Suddenly, I was fully aware that I was the keeper of this miracle. She was given to us perfect and any defects from here on out, was strictly on us. I was responsible for what kind of human being this sweet smelling, cooing, and loving little soul would become. It was overwhelming.

My first responsibility was to my child but once we left our bubble and went out into the real world, I realized that there are a million different ways to be a mom and how could I know for sure that my way was the best way? Keep the baby alive. That was my mantra.

Those first few years of motherhood felt like a constant “do I cut the red wire or the blue wire?” situation.

Only the ramifications were much worse than a simple explosion, I could ruin an entire human being’s life by making the wrong choice.

Okay, who thought it was a good idea to let me leave the hospital with this baby? I want to see some credentials because, clearly, they had no idea what they were doing giving a baby to me. Breathe!

I didn’t get much sleep in those days. It took a lot of time and effort doing the best I could and even more time comparing myself to other moms, not because I thought I was right but because I was sure I was doing it wrong.

By the time we started Kindermusik classes at 9-months, because a mom at the pediatrician’s office gave me a crazed look when I told her that my baby wasn’t taking any classes, I couldn’t get enough of what other mother’s had to say about the subject of motherhood. I wanted to be the best that I could be for my daughter so I was open to anything but there were so many conflicting parenting techniques. Every mom I met seemed to have a handle on parenting her child and still I felt like I was floundering, now more than ever.

Every other mom seemed to be better at motherhood than I was in those days. 

I took mental checklists in those days. Breastfed. Check. Tried to anyways. Had problems producing and used an SNS to help. Check. Drank all the Fenugreek. Failed miserably. Check. Formula. Check. Bad mom. Double Check.

I used disposable diapers. Check. Never used a binky but she could not be parted from her lovie. (Still can’t.)Check. Co-slept. Check. Never stopped. Double check. Rolled over at 3-months. Check. Rolled right off the bed. Double Check. Bad mom. Check. Sat up at 5-months. Check. Started crawling at 7-months. Check. Crawled backwards. Check minus. Started talking at 6-months. Check. Started walking at 10-months. Check. Never wanted to leave my side. Check. Frequently woke up during the night while teething and demanded the Wiggles. Double check. I let her because the crying at 3 a.m. was killing me. Bad mom. Check again.

But every mom I met seemed to do everything just a little bit better with a little more ease and looked a lot better doing it. I met several moms who went back to work and had amazing careers and parenting seemed effortless while I, on the other hand, was completely overwhelmed, always tired and looked the part. The only thing I knew was that I adored my daughter and there was nothing I wouldn’t do to be the best parent possible to her. Really, I think that is how every mother feels.

Motherhood is hard, no matter who you are.

 

We’re just scared to let the other mothers know that we don’t know everything, it’s not all easy and some parts we don’t like or even understand. We pretend it’s easy because we don’t want to be labeled the “bad mom” the one who doesn’t know what she’s doing or worse, the one who is breaking her perfect child. It’s our biggest fear.

I’d like to think in times of true need, we would all rush to one another’s rescue. As I’ve moved past the new mother stage to the mom of elementary school aged children, I realized the truth and that was that we are all exactly the same. We’re all just trying to do our best and it’s hard for all of us at times. Some parts are easy for others and some parts are harder but in the end we all just really love our babies more than we know how to handle. We all just need to give one another a break because if we helped one another out rather than compared ourselves or judged each other, we’d all be happier and better moms. You’re not alone. We all make mistakes. Just keep loving your baby and doing your best.

When is a time that you felt at the end of your mommy rope and another mom came in with a kind word or action and made your day better?

05142015

This post about motherhood is sponsored by Similac. I was compensated for this post but all opinions are my own.

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There are lots of things about Motherhood that we are never told beforehand; like how truly horrible transition labor feels, how a person can actually go 24 hours without sleep because a newborn requires almost round the clock feeding, how such a tiny person can hold your heart in their tiny little hands, how elating and exhausting motherhood really is, or perhaps what becoming a Mother entails physically, emotionally, and mentally. I’m sure that no matter if they had warned us, the warnings would have gone unheeded and fallen on deaf ears because we simply could not have been capable of wrapping our brains around such terrifying notions, speaking for myself at least.

Motherhood; expect the unexpected

For all the things that pregnancy and Motherhood have taken away or changed about me, it has replenished with boundless amounts of gifts from life like the delight and joy that the true smile of my daughters bring to me, the pride that swells within my chest knowing that I helped make such an awesome little miracle,  the unconditional and endless love that my heart provides for these children, the feeling I had the first time I held my daughters in my arms or the first time my child called out “mommy.” The way it feels when you can kiss their booboo’s and make the whole world right again. Such love and trust is an awesome responsibility, it both humbles and scares the hell out of most of us.

Motherhood:expect the worst & hope for the best

Still, there are some things that pregnancy and Motherhood changes about ourselves that we can’t help but miss.  For example; our sanity ( have I told you that I sometimes talk to myself asking how I got here ( this point in my life where I can’t rationalize with a 2 year old and am almost to the point of tears?), our short term memory ( I personally now have the attention span of a fruit fly), our hair ( between pregnancy hormones and then the stress of raising my munchkins…well, all I’m saying is thank God my hair grows like weeds. I am not exaggerating. The other day my husband cleaned out the vacuum and it looked like someone had vacuumed up a chinchilla!), our figures ( ass, thighs, belly, stretch marks…everything shifts and realigns…reshapes itself) , our hygiene ( who has time for a shower? And if you do….who has time for make up and shaving?) . All these things, I can forgo. But everyone has a breaking point… Mine is my boobies!
This is where I draw the line. I always had a great pair of lovely, perky, firm, round boobies! I mean I was pretty famous for them. People would come from miles around to look upon them. Yes, they were that fantastic! Then, I had my girls! Oh yeah, I tried to granola Mommy it and breast fed. Come on, we all want to do whats best for our children. No one told me! No one told me what breast feeding does to the twins. La Leche league needs to add a disclaimer : May cause boobies to relocate further south than once thought possible. You know the old adage the Bigger they are the harder they fall….I am proof positive someone was talking about boobies when they said that! I went from perkilicious tatas to looking like some Yummy Mummy out in the African jungle. Not cool! I specifically invested loads of money to know Victoria’s secret to keep the girls in their northern glory. But there is no fighting Mother Nature, that bitch has my arch nemesis gravity on her side! Fickle bitch. Now,what was once my shining glory has been reduced to what I can only liken to as utters. So,  here I sit feeling such love as I watch my gorgeous little girls as they sleep like little angels. Then I look down( about 5 inches lower than before) and though I know this is a battle scar that I should be wearing with pride…like a lost limb or a bullet wound from war, I am looking with inquisition. Wondering just what the hell I have to do to rectify this situation. The girls use to be for fun, like a cute pair of heels…nice to look at and fun to wear but never did you really ever put any real mileage on them. Then they became for function and now they look like they have been rode hard and put away wet, like a pair of your favorite running shoes. Poor babies boobies, don’t worry..Mommy’s going to  restore you to your former glory with a little help from Mr. Plastic surgeon and Ms. Victoria’s secret. Of all the things I lost, I miss my boobies the most!

Motherhood; the bigger they are the harder they fall

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jessica Gottlieb,the truth about motherhood is that parents lie

Today, I have the honor of having the fabulously awesome Jessica Gottlieb sharing her TRUTH about motherhood. *Excuse me while I squee. ( Yes, I actually used the word squee but I am just that excited) I’m sure I just lost some cool points with Jessica by making that confession but I don’t care. I must admit I have a little bit of a blogalicious crush on her. She is not only my blogging shero; she is intelligent, funny, witty, wonderful and the queen of snarkilicousness. She is a thinking Mom’s blogger. To top it off, she is the most honest, real, down to earth woman/writer that I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. She hardly needs an introduction but in case you are new to blogging or live in a little social media vacuum, Jessica is the brilliant author of www.JessicaGottlieb.com and you can also find her on Twitter, Facebook, YouTube, Momversation.com,www.tehuser.com and just about any place else that you might expect the grand dame of Mommy blogging to be found. But today, I am excited to say that she can also be found on the TRUTH about Motherhood. Thank you so much for sharing your TRUTH about motherhood with us!

jessica Gottlieb,the truth about motherhood is that you lie alot

The Truth About Motherhood is that You Lie A lot

Mothers are liars. Our children are weaned on lies. I learned to lie in my teens when my mother asked me where I was going. Nowhere. Who is going nowhere with you? No one. Are you smoking cigarettes? Absolutely not. I know you’re smoking pot. No mom.

So we learned in our teens to hide our boyfriends, our vices, and our nights out. I learned to hide my questionable grades and I learned how to cram and get myself out of trouble, well, most of the time.

I learned how to keep secrets, and little did I know how much I would need that skill in motherhood.

I can’t tell my children everything I think, I’m a mother for heavens’ sake. I would never tell them how utterly unprepared for motherhood I feel. I would never tell them that there are parts of school that really don’t matter. I tell my kids that they can be good at things that we both know they’re unlikely to excel at.

I told them about the toothfairy and Mr G told them they were bought at Babies R Us on a rare snowy nights. The snow made his hair grey.

I have told my children that you don’t have sleepovers with the opposite sex until you’re married, and I know I’m doomed because my brother has lived with his girlfriend for sixteen years. I’ve told my children that good things happen to good people. I never mention that captains of industry might behave like shits and get richer, or that children die and certainly a child couldn’t be bad.

I’ve lied to them repeatedly all the while demanding honestly.

The real truth of motherhood can be found somewhere among the lies.

Jessica Gottlieb is a Mom Blogger in Los Angeles.

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This month is a big deal in my house. We start the month off with the Big Guy turning 36 tomorrow,that is followed by Mother’s Day ( my 6th to be exact), then my  2nd official blogging anniversary, then the Big Guy and myself will be celebrating our 12th wedding anniversary, followed by my Gabriella turning 4.May is a big month indeed.

To help celebrate my 2 years of blogging I am going to be featuring some of the greatest bloggers I know. I hope that you will stop by and say hi and learn their Truths about Motherhood. I will be featuring a different blogger Monday thru Thursday the entire month of May. I will still be blogging, as well , but I really want you all to join in the celebration and check out the amazing guest posts that will be featured. What better way to celebrate 2 years of blogging then by having a bloggy party with all my bloggy friends.

I started this blog as a way to pursue my passion of writing and build a community of sisterhood through motherhood.I spent the first couple of years of motherhood feeling very isolated and alone. It was as if I was alone on an island with this little person who didn’t even speak the same language. I love the little people in my life, beyond comprehension,don’t get me wrong. But I was getting a little stir crazy with no adults to talk to; no other mothers with whom to compare war stories. Worse yet, as soon as my poor husband walked through the door all I wanted to do was talk to an adult. The verbal diarrhea that that poor man has had to endure over the past six years is explosive.I would assault him with a barrage of words, from the moment he walked through the door until he pretended to be went to asleep. Hell,I’m not even sure most of it made sense to him. But he would sit there, like a prisoner in silence letting me ramble on and decompress. He really is awesome.

The moms that I did have in my life weren’t really sharing the gory end of motherhood. It was mostly rainbows and unicorns and this left me feeling like a complete failure as a Mother. I mean if all the other Moms were happy and it was easy, obviously it was me who had the problem. I was perfectly imperfect. I was a failure from the moment I took the epidural during labor up until the moment I met these other mothers and it was time I admitted it, no time that I owned it. According to all the parenting books and those wonderful women that I was sipping coffee and swapping rainbow and unicorn baby stories with, I was a complete and utter loser. It was a hard pill to swallow and I spent a lot of time punishing myself for being a sub par Mom. Then it happened. The first crack in the facade of lies. After, months of talking and getting to know one of the moms, I was talking about how Bella still slept with us and how I loved it but I really wasn’t getting any restful sleep. This was, of course, met with disapproving nods and a resounding feeling of failure. Then, this one Mom shook her head…but in knowing agreement. I saw it. I knew it. And, later in private, she admitted that her daughter still was in the bed too. That she couldn’t get that kid out if she paid her and she knew this because she had tried.  I almost cried tears of joy. Not because I was happy that she was going through this but because I wasn’t the only one and if I wasn’t the only one then maybe, just maybe, I Wasn’t a FAILURE! Maybe I was just normal.

I always kept a journal of the girls lives from conception on. When an old friend from college and I had reconnected, she urged me to start a blog, as a way of pursuing my writing. I wasn’t very familiar with blogs or the whole Mommy blogger community. But I knew that if I was going to write, I needed to write about what I knew. I decided that I wanted to be the Mommy who gives you the brutal truth about motherhood as it happens. The glory and the gory, the failures and the successes, good, bad and ugly. I think that I have done so by staying true to who I am and not sugar coating the reality of Motherhood. It’s misery peppered with moments of profound bliss and happiness. It’s not easy.If it were, men could have babies!

This is how The TRUTH about Motherhood came into creation 2 years ago, May 7,2009. It was the beginning of one of the greatest endeavors of my life. It’s not everyone that gets to do what they are passionate about on a daily basis and as a bonus meet wonderful women all over the world. I learn and grow from each and every one of you and I thank you for joining in this sisterhood with me. There have been some URL changes and blog design changes,I know I lost some people along the way so if you got lost in the shuffle, I am sorry. Please fill free to subscribe so I don’t loose you again. Thank you all for the fantastic dialogue we’ve been having these past 2 years!

XO Debi

Here is the first post I ever wrote. It feels like a lifetime ago. There were some great posts in the beginning that no one ever got to read because no one knew who the hell I was. I hadn’t built my community yet, feel free to peruse the posts from the beginning. I’m sure you will be able to relate and you may even find you can relate to my TRUTH about Motherhood.

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You are my sunshine

 

My guest writer today is the magnificent Erin Margolin. I say magnificent because getting to know her as a writer, a woman, a mother and a true, honest to goodness, friend, I know that this woman is one of a kind. Her soul is deep, her heart is kind and it all shows in her writing. It is truly my honor to share with you, my friend and talented writer, Erin Margolin. Do yourself a favor and check our her blog Erin L Margolin (ELM) , you will be so glad to have found her beautiful stories and wonderfully weaved words. She is a writer’s writer and I love reading her posts. I also highly suggest that you follow her on Twitter, this is how I really got to know her and, it sounds cheezy, but this lady makes my days brighter by seeing her gorgeous smile in my stream. Love, love, love her!

Thank you Erin for being such a wonderful presence on the Internet and an amazing friend. XOXO

P.S.  Please vote for her pitch at The Moth (click the stars to vote): Erin M.on 4/26/12: https://bit.ly/qoLpXE . She truly is an amazing writer and so deserves to win this!

The truth about motherhood is…

That being a mom to my singleton (now) is completely different than being a mom to my multiples (who were born in 2005). This time around, I get to snuggle and bond. Piper’s body curves, fitting into mine like a puzzle piece; sliding into this perfect spot, her head resting sideways on my right shoulder, her soft locks tickling my neck, her knees and legs hugging my torso. She loves to hum, and every sigh and breath touches a place in me that I’m incapable of putting into words.

She was a miracle, you know.

I didn’t have this kind of quality time with my twins. I’m wading through that guilt now, feeling as if I never got to cherish either of them alone, unless one or the other was sick. Raising Abby and Izzy was so stressful I can barely remember the first year of their lives, which saddens me. While they don’t remember what they missed out on, I certainly do. Which is enough melancholia for all three of us.

Somehow though, the waves of love and sheer bliss I feel these days crashes into the guilt– like a tumble of salty surf hitting the shore–and obliterates it. I can’t help myself, I’m gobbling her up every moment. Literally pretending to eat her feet and nibble her toes, and she loves it. The drool soaks her clothes and mine, her fist grabs hunks of my hair and we both shriek. I can’t stop kissing her chubby cheeks and my prescription for a bad day is to plunk her in the tub, where she kicks and splashes and delights in the warm water. If I need a smile, I watch her reach to grab her toes and make futile attempts to get them in her mouth. She’s so smart she’s already learned to share her graham crackers with the dog.

Every night before I put her to sleep, I sing You Are My Sunshine. I only know the first two verses:

You are my sunshine

My only sunshine.

You make me happy

When skies are grey.

You’ll never know, dear,

How much I love you.

Please don’t take my sunshine away

The other night, dear,

As I lay sleeping

I dreamed I held you in my arms.

When I awoke, dear,

I was mistaken

And I hung my head and cried.

I never sang to the twins. I have a terrible voice anyway. But I sing these two verses to Piper most nights just before putting her in her crib. My mom sang them to me.

But the truth about motherhood is….she’s my miracle, my red bean. The truth is that I’m allowed to have a different experience with her. The truth about motherhood is that it’s okay to feel guilty sometimes, but not ALL the time.

The truth about motherhood is that this is my destiny–being a mom to three gorgeous girls.

The truth about motherhood is it’s not all sunshine and roses. There are bumps in the road, things like depression and anxiety and family issues. Sometimes these things make motherhood difficult.

The truth about motherhood is that there’s no exact change, no magic formula, no right or wrong way. It’s just about love. Lots and lots of it to go around.

The truth about motherhood is that I’ve finally found my voice.

And I can sing.

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Today,  I welcome my friend and fellow blogger, famously Mom sexy, Mary, of  The Mommyologist.com. She’s about to blow the lid off the best kept mom secrets you never knew you needed to know. She shares with us an intimate assortment of parenting wins and fails in her poignant post 10 Things I know to be True about Motherhood. 
Mary inspires me with her positive attitude and her advocacy of the mom sexy movement. I visit her blog and she reminds me that I can still be sexy even if I am a Mommy and that as a mom, it’s OK to still want more for ourselves beyond loving and raising our children. Her blog is positive, relate-able and uplifting. If you are not already a follower of Mary, join the conversation and get your mom sexy back! Thank You Mary for sharing you Truths about Motherhood.

10 Things I Know To Be True About Motherhood

 
1. Even when they come out of a pint-sized butt, farts are still farts, and they still stink. You can’t disguise a fart with a cute tush.
2. When it comes to being a mom? Karma’s a real bitch. I’m totally paying for every remark I made before having my son about parents not being able to control their children in public. I obviously didn’t know shit about kids then. And maybe I still don’t.
3. I’ve pretty much accepted the fact that I will not get a good night’s sleep for the next 15 years or so. Even on my “alone” nights, I still toss and turn wondering what kind of hell my kid is dishing out to the grandparents. But of course, he always sleeps perfect for them. It’s because they have better snacks at their house than I have here. I just know it.
4. Motherhood has made me understand 100% why people get divorced. The end.
5. As my child gets older, I start to fear homework from school more and more. Not because I’m worried that he will have too much of it, but because I’m worried that I won’t understand it. Isn’t there an Iphone app for homework help?
6. I realized one major truth about motherhood about two weeks after I brought my son home from the hospital. Apparently, I’m not running the show around here anymore. I got fired from my job as Princess the day he was born. I’ve been trying to get my position back for the last five years, but they’ve got a new hiring manager and she’s totally threatened by my ass.
7. Kids generally don’t lie about food. When my kid tells me that he doesn’t want to try something because he doesn’t like the texture, it’s best just to let it slide rather than having that particular food regurgitated all over my shirt. I hate doing laundry, so I’d rather just let him eat pretzels and call it a night.
8. I knew I loved wine before I had a kid. But now our love affair is hotter than ever. Having a kid totally sealed the deal for my affection for all things vino.
9. Even though I’m the queen of Mom Sexy, I know for a fact that I will never be as hot as I was on my wedding day. And I’m okay with that. At least I’m not hungry anymore, right?
10. Perhaps my biggest truth about motherhood is that even though being a parent is challenging and not always picture perfect, it’s made me who I am today…and I know that being my son’s mom is who I was meant to be. Even when nothing else in my life makes sense, that little boy gives me the swift kick in the ass I need to realize that things have a way of working out how they’re supposed to. Trying to mess with fate is never a good idea. And that’s the TRUTH.
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