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bigger women, beautiful women, all women, women, happy in your own skin, body acceptance, self-love, dating a bigger woman

Yesterday, I read an article about what men think about dating bigger women. It was called 15 Thoughts Every Guy Has When Dating A Bigger Woman and kept waiting to read that it was a joke; a satirical piece written about society’s treatment of overweight women. Unfortunately, it was not. It was just one douchey guy’s opinion about men who date women who are not “hot” and rocking the unattainable, bullshit body stereotype that media would have you believe is real. It’s not. Even the skitches you see with those bodies in magazine spreads, don’t have those body types. They have photoshop. There may be 1% of 18 –year-olds who are rocking that body without medical assistance.

As a rule, women have been fighting men’s traditional stereotype of “hot” since the dawn of time. In fact, many a woman has developed eating disorders and poor self body-image to adhere to society’s standard of beauty. Let’s face it, in the United States, skinny still is the determining factor of whether or not a woman is considered hot. If you doubt my assessment, just read the article written in The Richest.  This guy is everything that is wrong with the world. He is the oppressor of women and should be called out as such.

Jim Hogue’s bullet points about why dating bigger women is settling for less than:

“Lots of times you see a guy, he could be normal sized or he could be overweight himself, with a woman that is a bit overweight. When that happens a bunch of things go through a guy’s mind. On the one hand you might feel a little bad for the guy, but on the other hand you might think that he was really in love, or at least was with someone he really liked. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder after all.”

Apparently, men who date bigger women are to be pitied.

His List of 15 thoughts every guy has when dating bigger women.

Your Date is Tough

Well, a guy that dates a plus-sized girl is usually not one of those guys. This guy wants a girl to hang out with that is tough, and can take care of herself. This is the kind of woman that mowed the lawn when she was growing up and went fishing with her dad. Maybe that is not the kind of girl that you imagine hanging out with, but hey, to each his own.

 

My Girl Can Cook

So maybe this goes without saying, I don’t know, but I am going to say it anyway. Big girls usually get big for a reason, and usually that reason has something to do with food. While it might be fun to be out clubbing with some hot woman, it is just as fun, and maybe more fun to the right guy, to stay at home and have a woman cook for him and take care of him.

 

Calorie Counting is Out

So we have all been there. You get out of work and have had a long day, and you are totally starving. You want to order a large Pepperoni pizza from the pizza joint, the kind they say feeds 4 people and you want to eat all of it all by yourself. Well, this is no problem at all with the plus-sized girlfriend; just give her a ring and tell her that you are on your way home and are picking up a large pie. The only problem is you are going to have to buy two.

 

It is Good for His Confidence

Some guys just lack confidence. They don’t feel ready to ask out the women that they truly desire. They need to work their way up so to speak. I know that may sound cruel, but this is about what guys think when they date plus-sized women.

 

He Might Like Them Better

While so many people look at a guy with a plus-sized woman and feel kind of bad for him, very few actually seem to understand that a lot of guys actually really like women that look this way. To each his own, people like what they like and there are a lot odder things that people are into than that.

 

They Are Easy to Talk To

One of the main things a guy dating a bigger chick is often thinking is how easy his girl is to talk to. This may seem like something that is not important to many guys, but after hanging out with a lot of uptight women, a girl that can relax and talk is a breath of fresh air. Let’s face it, so many women that look traditionally hot have never really learned the art of conversation, and most of them are not that funny. A plus-sized woman is the exact opposite. They are used to working their personality to make up for what many guys perceive to be flaws.  Most girls that are overweight tend to be really fun, and easy to talk to about pretty much anything. A guy that dates a normal-sized girl is not used to that at all.

 

**Oh look, this asshole managed to completely insult ALL women in one single paragraph! ***

 

Picking a Place to Eat is Easy

You want to go get some wings and some fries and watch the game at a sports bar and she wants to go to that new hip place and get Thai food. Or it could be that you go to order pizza and you want sausage and onion and she wants feta and greek olives?  Sometimes that whole scene can turn into an enormous fight when you are dating a chick that is average-sized. Well, if you are dating someone that is plus-sized, then you don’t have to worry about this a whole lot. She is going to probably be willing to go pretty much anywhere you want her to, at any time.

 

The Cuddling is the Best

There are some things that are simply not as fun when you are hanging out with a skinny woman. Like what you ask?  Cuddling a skinny woman is no fun at all. It feels like you are snuggling with your 12-year-old brother.  Not so if you are dating a plus- sized woman. In fact, once you start to cuddle her, you might not want to stop. It really is that good. Overweight women should hire themselves out as professional cuddlers. Oh, and also they are willing. A plus-sized girl is going to tend to be happy for that sort of attention, no doubt about that at all. All you have to do is lay down on the couch and look at her in a sweet way, and you will get your cuddle going before you know it.

 

She is a Built in Work-Out Buddy

A thin chick probably has a pretty stingy workout set routine; and not only that, she might be in better shape than you are. Not so if you are dating an overweight chick. She is probably going to be up for trying pretty much anything that you are into when it comes to training or working out. Sure, she might lag a little bit at first, but all that does is take a lot of pressure off your shoulders, and that is never a bad thing.

 

There is Less Pressure on How You Look

if you are dating a plus-sized woman. This is a whole new world: all of sudden kicking around the house all Sunday watching football and eating a whole bag of Cheese Doodles is more than fine. The woman you are dating is not going to care even a little bit about how much you weigh or what you eat, and that in itself can be priceless.

 

Jealousy is a Thing of the Past

Being jealous is a way of life for a lot of guys. It is one of the problems of having a super hot girlfriend. It is not like you are the only one that notices; everywhere you go people are going to be checking her out and sometimes, if you are a certain type of guy, that kind of thing can drive you crazy. And truth be told, this is why a lot of guys like dating a woman that they don’t have to worry about unwanted eyes.

 

They Tend to be Funny

Plus-sized girls tend to be funny, or at the very least they often have a really good sense of humor. This goes a bit hand in hand with the fact that they are easy to talk to. So many times girls that grew up being told they were hot all the time tend to stifle their sense of humor- why do they need to be funny?

A big chick is very often a really funny one, it happens all the time. It is no coincidence that so many female comedians tend to be a bit on the big side.

 

They Tend to Be Eager to Please

While so many women want a guy to put her up on a pedestal, when you are dating a plus-sized girl it is often the exact opposite. They are often not used to being with a guy and are insecure about it. They want you to be happy. Whether it is going out or staying in, what movie to see, or what you do in the bedroom, most of these women are eager to please. In their minds you have looked past their physical issues and are into them for who they are. Which in turn often makes them very willing, in all sorts of ways. A guy with a plus-sized girl can soon feel like a king, which can be really appealing to the guy that was getting pushed around in another relationship.

 

You Can Take Her Anywhere

She will go pretty much anywhere you want to go, and do whatever you want to do. Want to spend the day at the beach? She will go and rub lotion on your back in those hard to reach places. Want to spend the day doing yard work? She will probably be up for doing that as well, and may even outwork you while doing it. A typical guy that dates a plus-sized woman really gets used to hanging with someone agreeable for a change, and who quite often is up for anything. This is not to say that most hot women are not agreeable of course. Actually, who am I kidding, that is exactly what I mean.

 

They are Easy to Ask Out

Guys don’t like getting stressed out, so they go with something that they consider more of a sure thing. It is hard to ask out a woman, so sometimes a guy ends up asking someone he is pretty sure that he will not get rejected by, which is why he asks out a plus-sized woman in the first place.da

Firstly, who is defining what’s considered “bigger”? Is it a size 8, 10, 14, 20, 26? Is it anything above a sample size. That may be “Normal” in places where looks are all that matter and eating disorders and plastic surgery are the norm (I’m looking at you California) but it’s not in the rest of the world. And who defines beauty anyways? The media which is controlled, predominantly, by men.

There are plenty of fat, bald and old guys out there with wives, girlfriends and partners and no one flinches. No one feels sorry for their spouses. The assumption is that their partner loves them, not that their partner settled for them so why is it that society assumes that in order for a man to love a woman who is not anorexic, he must be settling and it could not possibly be a physical attraction? Besides, when choosing a partner, initially we are attracted to the way a person looks (that’s human nature) and then we fall in love with who they are and all their qualities that we find endearing and that is different for every single person. When you’re in the dating stage and you admit to your friends by saying something like “he makes me jealous“, then you must know all the possible reasons why your man does that in order to have a better relationship.

The fact that this guy assumes that because a woman is “bigger” she is being settled for and that if is guy is dating a “bigger” girl it is out of desperation or some sort of willful act of giving up makes me sick. I also find it kind of alarming that he manages to insult all women in his piece, as a men you can expand your options and rely in some hookup sites to meet women you really like. He basically calls skinny women unapproachable bitches that he is not up for the challenge of even attempting to date and he infers that bigger women are so needy and willing to please that he’ll settle for less than “perfect” in order to not face rejection.

As a woman who has been the thin hot woman and I know the burden of being a “bigger” woman and everything in between, I can assure you that there are plenty of men out there who want all women. Good, decent respectable men who are attracted to all types and don’t consider it settling or giving up on life to date a woman who crosses the threshold of a size 6. Only men with small minds judge women on the size of their asses.

This article is more telling about Jim Hogue’s, the author, shortcomings than anything else. Let me tell you one last thing Mr. Hogue on behalf of women everywhere of every size, none of us wants you because you are ugly to the core and that is worse than fat any day of the week. You sir deserve this week’s Throat Punch Thursday!

Throat Punch Thursday,dating bigger women

If you’d like to read the article 15 Thoughts Every Guy Has When Dating A Bigger Woman in its entirety it is here.

What are your thoughts on his take on dating bigger women?

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fat, weight loss, change, women's health, on being fat, obesity

Estimated reading time: 4 minutes

Being fat is not what I wanted to be. Admitting that I am fat is even harder. I hate saying those words. For me, it’s admitting defeat. As if somehow writing it down and posting it makes it real.

I have eyes. I can plainly see that I’m overweight. I have been for years and all the pulling and tugging at my clothes will not change that. Most days I feel like I’m wearing a suit of shame like my weight is some sort of punishment.

Being fat is hard.

It’s even harder being out of shape. I’ve decided to start working out again and I am now more conscious about weight management. These days working on my abs feels like working out while being 9-months pregnant because I am so out of shape and my stomach is so massive. When I sit down, my stomach literally touches my lap. It disgusts me. When did this happen?

I wish I were one of those women who didn’t care what size her clothes were, what her body looked like in clothes or what people thought of her looks. It’s weird because while I couldn’t care less what people think of my opinions or beliefs or me as a person, I have always been consumed by what people might think of what I look like, more specifically my body. Believe me, I’ve tried to change my way of thinking but still, I feel like being fat is my biggest and most embarrassing failure in life.

I’ve been binge watching TLC shows about being overweight; My 600 lb. life and My Big Fat Fabulous Life. I find myself baffled that people have let themselves get that overweight. Then afraid it could happen to me. Unfortunately, I cannot relate to finding fabulousness in being overweight at all but I am glad others can love their bodies at all sizes.

I used to restrict calories and work out to the extreme. I used to be good at it; too good at it. I was masterful at the art of willpower and self-control, where eating was concerned. The rest of the world could be spinning out of control but I held tight the reins on my food intake. My entire world could be off the hook but my stomach was always tight. When people told me that I looked “sick”, it made me happy because I felt like I was doing something right.

Food is an addiction, worse than any other because while if you are an alcoholic or a drug addict you can choose not to partake. You can quit drugs and you can quit alcohol. It’s f*cking hard but you can do it. You can’t quit food. Well, you can, but you will die. I know, I’ve tried and was pretty successful and unfortunately, being too thin because you are obsessed with your weight and food intake is just as terrible as being too fat because you are eating too much. Being too skinny is just as unhealthy as being too fat. I know because I’ve been both.

My food issues started around the time I turned 7, at least that’s when the photos show that I gained weight. I wasn’t overweight at all but I wasn’t rail thin anymore. I’d love to be able to tell you what triggered it but I can’t because, honestly, I can’t remember most of what happened the years of my life between the summer I turned 7 and sophomore year in high school. It’s all a blur. I just remember wanting to fade into the background.

My dad was an abusive alcoholic who was always angry and my mom shut down to survive. I felt abandoned and the only attention I got was unwanted so I wanted to be invisible and somewhere along the way, I did that because everyone knows the quickest way to not be seen is to become overweight so I hid there, unnoticed. People stare at beautiful things but no one wants to make eye contact with the ugly of the world.

Being fat was my way to disappear.

fat, weight loss, change, women's health, being fat, obesity

I’m realizing that somewhere in that haze is the answer to the question of why I have always battled my own self-image and why I have such a problem accepting the skin I live in. For as long as I can remember, I’ve been at war with my body, my health. Always beating it into submission or ignoring it all together. When I write it down, it looks like a metaphor for my childhood. Maybe that’s the entire issue.

But how do I stop? How do I learn to love my body, myself, unconditionally when I never felt that as a child? It always felt conditional. I feel like by having my own daughters and loving them so fiercely and unconditionally, I’m slowly learning that everyone deserves that kind of love and acceptance…even me.

Even if you haven’t experienced being fat, how do you learn to love something that you’ve spent your entire life wishing you could change?

02172015

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parenting, bad parenting, obese child, obese children, obesity, unhealthy, unhealthy eating

If you think childhood obesity is not a real thing, then you would be wrong.

It is alive and well in suburbia. They say a picture is worth a thousand words and I believe it. Parents you are responsible for the options your child has.

I was at the pool the other day with my children and I saw an adorable little girl who looked about 4-years-old and weighed around 60 pounds. She wasn’t super tall; she was tiny so that is why I noticed her immediately. She was portly and it wasn’t just a little baby fat, she looked well on her way to obesity and that is what concerned me the most. I know people can come in all shapes and sizes and still be healthy but this little girl was breathing heavy just from walking and that doesn’t seem healthy to me.

I have two little girls and I know that weight fluctuates and kids have baby fat that they outgrow but this child had a substantial amount of weight to lose and she was so young that I was alarmed for her health. Before you get mad at me for discussing a child’s weight, know now that I am not talking trash about this child. I feel sorry for her because 1) it’s not her fault. A child’s diet is not her own responsibility at that age. 2) I know what it’s like to be overweight and have to lose weight and it is not fun or easy, for anyone. 3) Just the fact that she is so overweight, will make her an easy target at a young age for bullies. NO, that is not fair and I wish the world wasn’t like this but it is.

When children are small, their parents are responsible for what they eat, how much they eat and when they eat it. Sure, there are instances where children have a medical condition or have to take medication for a condition that causes weight gain but I think a lot of the time, it can be attributed to lazy parenting. Not all of the time, of course but there are definitely times when it’s easier to just give in. Giving in to kids who want to eat the chips and cookies rather than have the fight about eating the healthier options. I am not saying kids shouldn’t be allowed to enjoy snacks and sweets occasionally, I am saying everything in moderation.

Children are a lot more tech savvy than they used to be. There is a lot more tech available to use. When it’s hot outside, a lot of kids would rather lay on the couch playing Minecraft in the air conditioning than go outside and ride their bikes. Kids these days have access to 600 channels, endless amounts of songs on Spotify, movies on Netflix and games on the computer. Even if they are educational games and movies, it equals children who sitting on their butts a lot more of the time than they are moving around.

Pair all of that sitting around with fast food this, greasy that and super-sized everything plus soda and chips and preservatives and dyes and you have children who are moving less and eating more, more junk and less clean, organic food. Kids are eating out of boredom and mindlessly eating while sitting in front of the television. It doesn’t help that we live in a society where clean food is priced so high that you have to donate a kidney to provide safe, healthy food for your children to eat. As parents, we have got to stop this cycle before the entire world is morbidly obese and the average life span is 50.

This little girl didn’t just gain all that weight over night, none of us do. It happened over time. This little girl is also, sadly, not an anomaly, I see lots of overweight children. I’m not perfect and neither is my family. We make bad choices sometimes and I’ve had to work really hard to make sure that my kids don’t just exist on chicken nuggets, macaroni and cheese and popsicles. It’s a lot of work raising children to be healthy and teaching them to make the right choices even when I am not around. It takes diligence, commitment and hard-work.

It’s our responsibility to prevent our children from suffering from childhood obesity.

It gets frustrating and sometimes you just want to give in and sometimes you can. But as a parent, you can’t give in every time your child wants something because even though that might be the easy choice right now and it might make them happy, right now, in the long run you could be teaching them to make the wrong choices and to over indulge in things that are bad for them.

I’m not writing this post because I think it’s fun to point out that a little girl is overweight. I am writing this post because I know where this road of unhealthy leads. Eventually, people will make fun of her for being overweight. Kids are cruel. Then she will begin to slowly believe that if only she could lose a few pounds, she could be happy ( which is NOT true by the way), then she might develop low self-esteem, body dysmorphic disorder and maybe even suffer from eating disorders in search of the illusive bikini bridge and the thigh gap. She might spend the rest of her life hating her body and worse than all of that she could develop heart disease, diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol and several other diseases as a result of being obese since childhood. Then you die.

I’m not saying this little girl needs to be skinny. I am saying that her mother needs to step in and do something before her weight becomes an out of control problem that she has to live with for the rest of her life. Her mother needs to take responsibility for her daughter. Our children need to be healthy and it’s our responsibility as parents to give them every opportunity and tool to do so.

Do you think letting our children become obese makes us bad parents?

Update: I am fully aware that I don’t know this child or her mother or their particular situation. When I saw them by the sign, it made me think about parenting choices. We all make mistakes and none of us are perfect but we have to try.

How do you prevent your own children from falling into the trap of childhood obesity?

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Yesterday, I stumbled across the above photo with the caption

“ I’m too poor to be healthy! “

“If I was well off, I’d be able to buy fresh food and afford a gym membership!”

 

It was something I saw and immediately found hard to digest. Don’t get me wrong, I KNOW that fresh food is expensive; obscenely so. We do live in a world where it is hard and expensive to be healthy because we live in a world where everything is supersized and instant gratification is expected at all times. People are busy and there is no time. No money. See, how I did that? There ARE a million excuses as to why our lives are not as we would like them to be. This caused quite a stir on my Facebook timeline.

 

As someone who had active eating disorders for 8 years and who is now overweight I can tell you a few things

 

1) Even if you have all the money in the world and all the fresh food and gym memberships, if you don’t use them they don’t work. Believe me, middle class suburbanites all over the world can attest to this. Am I right?

 

2) Even if you are the “ideal” weight that does not secure that your life will be “ideal”. That’s a myth. I know. I had the ideal weight and body size and I still “needed” to lose “just 5 more pounds”. If you don’t fix your perception of yourself, you can’t be happy because no matter what you look like, you will still be unhappy on the inside. Being skinny is not a magic happy solution.

 

3) You have to be accountable for and to yourself in order to change yourself. Blaming others for your situation is giving up. I firmly believe that where there is a will, there is always a way. You only have to be willing to look for it and work at it.

 

4) The real reason most people are overweight, myself included, is simple; lack of movement, an abundance of unhealthy choices and not knowing correct portion sizes (who could blame them. We live in a world of indulgence and excess.)

 

** Also, I am completely aware that there are people with health and medical issues that make losing weight even harder than normal or even impossible but most of us are fat, if we are honest with ourselves, because of life choices we make. I made the choice to starve myself for 8 years. My metabolism is shot dead but it’s not impossible. I just need to work harder at it than most but most days, I still choose to eat the pizza or drink the Latte because I want it. I sit on my ass all day at a desk working. This is why I am overweight. I can’t blame anyone or anything. No one shoved the food in my mouth. No one forced me to not prioritize working out. Only I can do that and it doesn’t cost anything to walk.

 

So, I did my research and I found the real story behind the salacious title ( we all know how online publications like to do that) unfortunately, she really is full of shit, as I originally thought. Here is the story from the Daily Mail UK..

 

An obese mother-of-two who lives on benefits says she needs more of taxpayers’ money to overhaul her unhealthy lifestyle.

 

Christina Briggs, 26, from Wigan, says she hates being 25 stone (350 pounds for you Americans) but she can’t do anything about it because she can only afford junk food. Meanwhile, exercise is out of the question because she doesn’t have the funds to join a gym.

 

The single mother told Closer Magazine: ‘It’s not easy being overweight and on benefits. If I was well off, I’d be able to buy fresh food and afford a gym membership. 

 

‘I tried swimming but it cost £22 a month and it meant I had to cut back on my favourite pizza and Chinese takeaways.’

Unemployed Christina gets £20,000 in benefits a year and lives in a council house with her two children by different fathers, Helena, 10, and Robert, two.

She left school as a teenager after falling pregnant with her daughter following a one night stand.

 

Christina Biggs, poor, unhealthy

The family feast everyday on takeaways, chocolate and crisps as Christina says they can’t afford low fat foods. As a result, the mother is currently a dress size 26.

She has been warned by her GP that her health is in danger because of her size – medical complications relating to obesity include heart disease and diabetes. Christina is desperate not to leave her two children without a mother and doesn’t want her size to take her to an early grave.

But she insists ‘it’s not my fault – healthy food is too expensive’.

She feels her only hope is for the government to give her more money so she can afford to buy fruit and vegetables and join a gym.

She also believes she should be paid to lose weight as that would give her the motivation to fight the flab.

She told the magazine:

I need more benefits to eat healthily and exercise. It would be good if the government offered a cash incentive for me to lose weight. I’d like to get £1 for every pound I lose, or healthy food vouchers. 

 

‘If the price of healthy food was lowered that would help, too. I need help, but I need it from the government.’

 

She added that she can’t get a job to gain more money because she’s needed at home to care for her children, especially as her daughter has attention deficit hyperactivity disorder and issues with her kidneys.

 

She explained:

‘There’s no way I could get a job. I don’t feel bad about the taxpayer funding my life and my child’s medical problems, because I don’t treat myself or buy anything excessive. I just get enough money to live on – the taxpayers should help fund my diet.’  

There you have it, all in her own words.  It’s Thursday and this entire situation needs a throat punch. She KNOWS that she needs to exercise and eat more healthy. She knows that much. BUT she is making excuses and blaming others. Does she need more nutrition education? Yes! Does the cost of healthy food need to be more affordable? Hell yes to all of that! But are all of her life problems because the government is not funding her weight loss program? HELL NO!

You can’t tell me with cabinets filled with junk and refusing to give up on her favorite Chinese take-out that her current weight situation is not entirely of her own doing. Choices my friends. Buy in season veggies and fruits. Shop sales. Walk. Move. Buy frozen or canned fruits and veggies, they beat a bag of chips any day.
Here are some links to help you eat healthy on a budget:

Real Food on a Food Stamp Budget

Eating Healthy on a Budget

Good and Cheap Eat well on $4 a day

Get Healthy on A budget

Ways to Stay Healthy on a Budget

Free Online Workouts

What do you think?

Is she too poor to be healthy?

 

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Sizist, Adele

Sizist, Adele

According to the Urban Dictionary, Sizist ~

The belief that body weight, size or type accounts for differences in human character or ability and that a particular body weight, size or type is superior to others.

A couple of years ago my 2 year old told me, upon seeing a Victoria Secret Angel commercial, “Mommy, when I grow up I want to look like her.” I was a bit taken aback. But then I thought, she’s 2! 2?

Surely, she’s seeing pretty colors on a beautiful girl dressed like a fairy. Yeah, I can see why a 2 year old who spends her days playing dress up would want to be a real life grown up fairy. It’s an easy leap to make for a 2 year old.

I didn’t think about it again. Until now.

It was one of those pieces of Mommy guilt that you put in your back pocket and wait for it to hit you upside the head at a later date. How could I explain to a 2 year old that the girl on the commercial was not real. She was a product of youth, lighting, and airbrushing? It would have been completely above her head. I knew we’d be revisiting this subject again.

Am I unwittingly instilling a sizist attitude in my girls?

My goal; to raise healthy, intelligent, happy girls who were self-confident in the skin they are in. A concept completely lost on myself.

I try to avoid the pitfall of asking “Does this make me look fat?” of the Big Guy in front of the girls. I feed them healthy food, I keep them active and I make the focus health not weight. It’s not them it’s me.

It’s my responsibility, as their mother, to guide them into a healthy lifestyle without deprivation; to lead by example. Unfortunately, I’ve not been a consistent example. I’ve been pulling the “watch Mommy workout and eat healthy” then I get stressed and it becomes “Do what I say, not as I do!

Without saying anything about body size, they see me constantly struggling to be thinner and they are forming their own opinions. I’m afraid that my girls are perceiving that there is something fundamentally wrong with not being the girl in the commercial.

Yesterday, upon seeing an overweight woman on television, my 4 year old announced “Mommy, I don’t like that woman. She’s fat! I don’t want to be fat!” Then she grabbed the skin on her tiny stomach.

I fell off my chair. A thousand questions flooded my mind.

Am I raising a sizist?

Why is she thinking about this? What’s wrong with being overweight that makes her NOT like someone simply by their size? Is she worrying about her own weight? Has she heard me say something about my own weight when I thought she wasn’t paying attention? Are my body issues genetic? Can you inherit eating disorders? Am I raising a sizist?

My head was spinning. All I could hear is my blood rushing through my body.

She.thinks.I’m.fat.

More importantly, what does this mean for her? I don’t want her to be a sizist and I certainly don’t want her to grow up to be a self-loathing overweight person. I don’t want her to think someone is less than because of the size of their body. I spent the better part of 30 minutes trying to convince her that people are not to be judged by their size and shape but by who they are on the inside. How I wish people’s insides matched their outsides, life would be so much easier. Is she a sizist?

Do all kids go through a sizist phase?

Photo Credit

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Throat Punch Thursday~World's Fattest Woman; Susanne Eman Edition

Willfully the World’s Fattest Woman, Susanne Eman is a 32 year old single mother from Casa Grande, Arizona. Her sons are Gabriel, 16, and Brendin , 12. She has already bypassed  Donna Simpson’s record at  50 stone. In case you were wondering, 50 stone is 700 pounds. Her goal is to be 115 stone by the time she is 41 or 42.  That is 1610 pounds. That, my friends, is a metric ton. That is completely disgusting to me. Really? Does she actually think she will live that long?

Throat Punch Thursday, World's Fattest Woman, Susanne EmanThe World’s Fattest Woman says she feels sexy at 50 stone

I am especially sickened by the fact that she has 2 children, whom she is demonstrating this destructive behavior.How involved of a mother can she really be if she is spending all of her time confined to a wheelchair, consumed with thoughts of reaching her goal of the World’s Fattest Woman and constantly maintaining her 21,962 calorie a day diet. 21962!!!! Seriously, how much food has to be consumed to get that many calories? It has to be like a full time job. Can you imagine the grocery bill? Who’s paying for this journey to suicide by gluttony?

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The World's Fattest Woman, Susanne Eman,Throat Punch Thursday

Brilliant she is not only trying to kill herself she is making her boys accessories to suicide!

She says that she feels sexy at this size. That her body is like poetry in motion, because it moves on it’s own ( her words not mine). She commented in an article in the Sun that at 35 stone she noticed she got more attention from men. Yeah!Because they had never seen someone that large before, in person. I’m not sure of the true motive behind this ghastly quest. I can’t fathom EVER intentionally wanting to be the World’s Fattest Woman.  I think it is commendable when women can find beauty and comfort in their body at any size. If she truly has this, I am happy for her. But having been overweight, knowing many others who have been overweight…I have never met a single woman who has been satisfied being overweight. For some it’s a vanity issue, for others it’s a health issue, but in all cases none of them said “You know what? I really love having a muffin top, a gunt and more than my fair share of chins. I adore being out of breath when I walk a flight of stairs. I love all the attention and think I’d like to up the ante and gain a bit more.” NEVER have I heard these words said aloud. I’m pretty sure they are not very often thought either. If I am wrong, please weigh in. I want to hear what you have to say. If that’s you, KUDOS! You are braver and stronger than I. I prefer to try and put that effort into getting healthy and comfortable in my own skin, not outgrowing it.

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The World's fattest Woman, Susanne Eman, Throat Punch Thursday

Well, at least she stretches before her heavy lifting..walking under her own weight.

Conditioning to be the World’s Fattest Woman

Let’s be clear, I don’t find this situation to be amusing in any way. I don’t find humor in other people’s pain but she seems to embrace her girth. I am saddened that she is on this quest. I am saddened that she is so selfish that she has no consideration as to how this might effect her sons; their lives; their own eating and lifestyle habits. Does she not care that she could be indirectly contributing to their untimely demise? She can’t actively engage with them. Not to mention the fact that her kids have Gilbert Grape’s Mom as their actual Mom. I’m sure the media spectacle she is making of herself has made them the target of an excess of teasing. Plus, can you imagine the sort of men she is attracting? She says that she has been getting more male attention. She brings these sort of fetish freaks to the house around her sons?

*Disclaimer: As for calling people with fetishes ..freaks, I don’t think they are freaks because they want to get some big girl lovin. I think everyone deserves love. But in the article it made it sound as if she dates men who are seeking big women for sex. I think that is not the kind of behavior she should be doing around her children. If she has a love den somewhere and sleeps with randoms, that’s her business. But again, not a good example for her kids. And let me be clear, I don’t care what people do in their own bedrooms. Freaky is fine with me. I’m just saying, as I’d tell any thin friend who had random men over her house who wanted furry sex or even plain old missionary, don’t have randoms in and out of your bedroom if you have children present. That’s my opinion. It only counts to me.

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The World's Fattest Woman, Susanne Eman, Throat Punch Thursday

No, this isn't embarrassing..not at all. Those poor boys!

Susanne Eman you get my Throat Punch this Thursday for being a bad example Mommy. You are obligated to live a healthy life to be alive to raise your sons and get them to adulthood. You brought them into the world. It is your responsibility to make sure that they live happy and healthy lives. From where I sit, it looks like you may be falling short on both counts. For this, you get a giant Throat Punch. I hope it knocks the tacos and cookies out of your hand long enough to make you realize that what you are doing is NOT good for yourself or your children.

If you have a Throat Punch this week, please follow me in GFC, grab the Throat Punch Thursday badge under the buttons tab at the top of the page and insert it into your post. Then leave a comment  here so that we can all come read your Throat Punch Post!

 *Photos from the Sun article

World’s Fattest Woman, Throat Punch Recipient

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disfigured body, Disfigured, How a Disfigured Mind destroyed my life

Disfigured~ to impair (as in beauty) by deep and persistent injuries (real or imagined).

Recently, I watched a movie on Netflix called Disfigured. Disfigured was about two women, one who was severely overweight and the other anorexic. Disfigured began with a group of overweight women sitting in a circle at a meeting for a group for “fat acceptance”. This blew my mind.

What comes first the disfigured mind or the disfigured Body

As many of you are aware I have a history with eating disorders and it’s always been a battle for me to accept the skin I am in. I’m not sure that I’ve ever truly been comfortable in my own skin, it’s been more a range of tolerance. There have been times when I could tolerate the body that I live in more than others but I’ve never looked in the mirror and thought, this is good; I am happy with what I see. When I heard this group of women talking about acceptance, it was a foreign concept to me. In fact, it was so foreign that it was unbelievable.

READ ALSO: To the Bone

I would love to believe that there are women out there who are overweight and are happy. Women who accept and embrace their curves. God, I hope there are. I hope there are actually women in the world who are comfortable in their own skin and love their bodies, every single inch of it.  I’m not one of them. I will probably never be one of them just because my way of looking at my body has been fucked up for so long and I have an actual diagnosis ( Body Dysmorphic Disorder) that prevents me from seeing myself as I really am. I feel disfigured at my core. I wish that I could just stop being the way I am. I’ve tried but something always creeps back in and plants a seed of doubt. Watching Disfigured was very uncomfortable for me. It’s hard to explain to you unless you’ve spent your life struggling to achieve an unattainable goal and I am sure some of you have. I feel like I have to creep up on happiness because if it sees me coming it darts off in the opposite direction. It’s a moving target like a toddler being chased in the road.

A disfigured mind can destroy your life.

What transpired next was even more unbelievable to me, or believable or just too fucking relate-able. At this ” fat acceptance” group a recovering anorexic woman walked in and wanted to join the group. I completely understood this. While, I am nowhere near my former bulimic/anorexic self I remember well the feeling of making the choice to recover and having to face the feelings of shame, guilt, anxiety and disgust every single day that you eat normally. When you go from starving yourself, to eating anything at all, it is very uncomfortable. You feel like you are losing control and you feel shame that you can’t control yourself and you feel fat. Yes, fat. Even if you are bone-thin and to everyone else, you look like you need to gain weight. When you are in that part of recovery…you truly do need to learn fat acceptance.

Disfigured Soul

Of course, the anorexic walked in the room and the women who were moments earlier preaching acceptance just as quickly threw her out. She was reaching out for help and they wouldn’t help her because she was too thin. I guess acceptance is a one-way street. They wanted acceptance but only for themselves and only on their terms. This pissed me off. I have been on both sides of this spectrum and both are equally as hard, as dangerous, unhealthy and both leave you feeling ugly and disfigured.Unwanted.Unworthy of happiness. Both make you feel like you are weak. Both fill you with shame and cause your quality of life to suffer. The two main characters became an unlikey pair trying to help the other find acceptance of herself through accepting one another,even though they were one another’s biggest fear. They had everything in common even though their respective situations would lead you to believe otherwise. They both were uncomfortable in the skin they were in.

READ ALSO: A Day in the Life of a Girl with Eating Disorders

The identification with both characters had a very profound effect on me. It’s so hard to look at yourself when you are ashamed of what you see in the mirror, too fat or too skinny. It’s not physical at all, it’s all that your perception is of yourself. It’s hard to accept responsibility for making the choices that make you feel so worthless. Unhappiness with what I see in the mirror comes from putting conditions on my own happiness and hiding behind self-imposed superficial limitations. The reason that I can’t be happy with my body is that I am hanging the success of my entire life on what I look like. How ridiculous is that? How has it taken me all this time to finally see what the obstacle truly is? It’s me. I need to get out of my own way.

I need to accept that I deserve all the happiness that the world has to offer. Not when I get the perfect body, the perfect life or only when what I see reflected back to me is acceptable by my impossible standards. I am good enough now! Right now. I have not thrown up or restricted my calories to dangerous levels in about 12 years but I’ve also not allowed myself to fully enjoy my journey. I have to learn to love and accept myself with the unconditional love that I have for others.

What stops you from reaching your bliss? Do you make your happiness conditional based on money? weight? your partner? your house? degrees of success? your child?  Why do we have to wait for tomorrow to enjoy our today? We have been misguided. We are not disfigured. This is the almost story of how a disfigured mind destroyed my life.

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Halloween, Halloween 2013, costumes, Magenta, VElma Kelly

Tonight is Halloween. Kids wait for this one day the other 364 days of the year. What would you do if tomorrow night your sweet little girl went up to a neighbor’s house trick or treating and instead of getting a treat, she got sized up by the neighbor and the neighbor handed her a letter explaining that she has surmised your child to be obese and you are a shitty parent for letting her get that way? NO.TREAT.FOR.YOU.FATTY! I’ll tell you what I’d do. I’d march up to her house and stick my boot up her condescending ass and show her just how much I appreciate her advice.

Tomorrow night my girls are going trick-or-treating. They love Halloween, as does the Big Guy and myself. I love the whole season; the horror movies and the costumes and decorating our yard. It’s a fun holiday. There are no deep religious meanings that I need to worry about and the girls look forward to walking around the neighborhood showing off their costumes and getting treats from our neighbors.

My girls get about a bucket full of candy. They are allowed a couple pieces of candy per day for about two weeks and then the bucket gets taken into my husband’s office and made available to all the adults who need their sugary fix. I don’t see this kind of candy consumption as a problem. It is only once a year. My children aren’t diabetic, nor are they morbidly obese , they are healthy and active kids. A few pieces of candy is perfectly okay to me. Some people disagree and feel it is their personal moral obligation to stop overweight kids from themselves by refusing to give them treats.

fat letter to kids, no treats, Fargo, woman, neighbor

Look, I think a child’s weight is the business of the child, their parent and their pediatrician. I am not a pediatrician nor am I a nutritionist so I would ever tell another parent what they should or shouldn’t feed their child and I would never punish a child who is heavy by telling them, “No, you’re too fat. You don’t need it!” because it’s cruel.

Her reasoning?

“I just want to send a message to the parents of kids that are really overweight,” she said. “I think it’s just really irresponsible of parents to send them out looking for free candy just ’cause all the other kids are doing it.”

This woman has no idea what is going on in these children’s lives. Maybe they have a glandular issue or are puffy from chemotherapy. Maybe this kid’s mom just died and he’s been eating his feelings. Maybe this little girl had eating disorders and has just recently been on a road to recovery. Or maybe it’s just none of her damn business. If she wants to be the part of the village that doesn’t contribute to the childhood obesity epidemic, maybe she should just turn off her damn light and not pass out candy to anyone. If she feels morally opposed to contributing to the obesification of our children, why not pass out healthy snacks? Pass out something other than candy? Or just don’t participate. But taking it upon yourself to withhold candy and dole out punishment for being overweight, seems like just going out of your way to be mean.

What do you think? What would you do if your child came back from someone’s door on Halloween with a note telling you that your kid is fat, she’s not getting a treat and you’re a sucky mom?

Halloween, Halloween 2013, Happy Halloween, ghosts, supernatural

 

Happy Halloween!

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Maura Kelly, sex and relationship blogger for Marie Claire, wrote a post yesterday titled, Should “Fatties” Get a Room? (Even on TV?).The post was about the sitcom Mike & Molly, “the show centers around a couple who meet at an Overeaters Anonymous group  has drawn complaints for its abundance of fat jokes [as well as] cries from some viewers who aren’t comfortable watching intimacy between two plus-sized actors.” In her post, she expressed her disdain for having to watch two “Fatties” make out, or simply walk across a room. This post garnered a lot of attention on the blogosphere and spread through twitter like a wildfire. I know, I was there..fanning the flames. I thought, what a monumental asshole this broad is behaving like. My next thought, who the hell is running that joint Marie Claire? Are there no editors? Talk about free speech!

OK, so she wrote a post about a sitcom. The problem is how she wrote it. The voice she used was very condescending and insulting. I agree with her that I don’t like to watch two people make out either but it has nothing to do with size, shape, color; I simply do not want to feel like I am watching porn. If that is what I wanted, well, I’d let the Big Guy choose something. But Ms. Kelly just kept repeatedly stepping in the proverbial dog shit. It was as if she backed up and stepped in it all over again, just to make sure she got it on her shoe. As evidenced by this quote

So anyway, yes, I think I’d be grossed out if I had to watch two characters with rolls and rolls of fat kissing each other … because I’d be grossed out if I had to watch them doing anything. To be brutally honest, even in real life, I find it aesthetically displeasing to watch a very, very fat person simply walk across a room — just like I’d find it distressing if I saw a very drunk person stumbling across a bar or a heroine addict slumping in a chair.

As if that were not enough, she continued on

But … I think obesity is something that most people have a ton of control over. It’s something they can change, if only they put their minds to it.
(I’m happy to give you some nutrition and fitness suggestions if you need them — but long story short, eat more fresh and unprocessed foods, read labels and avoid foods with any kind of processed sweetener in them whether it’s cane sugar or high fructose corn syrup, increase the amount of fiber you’re getting, get some kind of exercise for 30 minutes at least five times a week, and do everything you can to stand up more — even while using your computer — and walk more. I admit that there’s plenty that makes slimming down tough, but YOU CAN DO IT! Trust me. It will take some time, but you’ll also feel so good, physically and emotionally. A nutritionist or personal trainer will help — and if you can’t afford one, visit your local YMCA for some advice.)

This part is simply insulting to injury because you see Ms. Kelly has had self-admitted issues with eating disorders, anorexia in particular, herself. So, really she shouldn’t be giving diet and nutritional advice to anyone. ANYONE! She claims to be recovered. Of course, having had my own experience with eating disorders, I know that being a recovered Anorexic is about the same as being a “recovered” alcoholic. You may have stopped the behavior but you have to take it one day at a time because you can’t unlearn what you’ve already become privy to. You may decide that it’s not the way for you and stop the behavior but your mind still knows the path.

I’m no shrink but I’d say, from my own past experience, I had NO tolerance for overweight people because I was insane with an obsession with my own weight. I felt like if I could control myself from eating, what I ate, how much I ate, when I ate, if I ate; then why couldn’t others show the same self-control? You develop a disgust because partly they don’t have your self-control, but with that, they also do not have your misery. The misery that wanting brings and this causes some jealousy and resentment. I’m not saying she still has eating issues but I think maybe she still needs to work through to her own resolution. This is not an excuse and probably not understandable to anyone who has not experienced these issues.

I’ve been “recovering” from these issues for 13 years and I still battle with acceptance of my own body. I have chosen to do it the right way, the slow..healthy, working out, eating the right way. With the time it takes the body to heal it also gives the mind and spirit time to heal, appropriately. I do not cringe at heavy set people anymore. That was my own self-loathing being externalized. I say to each his own. There is a terrible obesity epidemic in the United States and, for health’s sake, I hope people can come around to healthier lifestyles.

There is nothing wrong with the show Mike and Molly, it is representative of a large part of our population. What’s wrong with having a show that lets us see these two people falling in love? Don’t they deserve the same happiness that anyone else deserves? Shame on you Maura Kelly for projecting your own issues onto the overweight people of the world. Does it make you feel better to make them feel worse? Just remember how miserable you felt when you were obsessing over your weight, and now realize that your piece may have done that for some poor overweight woman or girl! If you’re not part of the solution, you are part of the problem.

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Throat Punch Thursday,fat shaming

Well, if you think the world is going to hell in a hand basket because of the obesity epidemic, you don’t know about fat shaming. There is a new method to the madness, scientifically backed, fat shaming! WooHoo because what more does a fat girl need than a  little fire set under her big arse to motivate her to lose the weight.

What a crock of bullshit. I have been a skinny girl and I have been a fat girl and fat shaming does not help. The only purpose it serves is to shame the overweight person and make them feel bad about themselves.

obese woman

Is Fat Shaming the Answer to Obesity?

A prominent bioethicist, Daniel Callahan, is proposing a new push for what he says is an “edgier strategy” to promote weight loss: ginning up social stigma. Edgier? Is that bioethicist code for douchier? Because that is what I am hearing.

Daniel Callahan, a senior research scholar and president emeritus of The Hastings Center, put out a new paper this week calling for a renewed emphasis on social pressure against heavy people — what some may call fat-shaming — including public posters that would pose questions like this:

“If you are overweight or obese, are you pleased with the way that you look?”

Sure because I’ve never met anyone who was overweight and who was happy about it. There are people who learn to be comfortable in their own skin, which is awesome, but I don’t know too many people who set out to be obese, well, with the exception of that crazy woman who wanted to be the fattest lady in the world and end up dying of heart attack.

Callahan outlined a strategy that applauds efforts to boost education, promote public health awareness of obesity and curb marketing of unhealthy foods to children. This I can get behind.

But, he added, those plans could do with a dose of shame if there’s any hope of repairing a nation where more than a third of adults and 17 percent of kids are obese.

This is where I think he loses his mind. Does he expect us to shame kids? Because there is no way anybody in their right mind could believe that shaming a child can cure obesity. It can cause body issues, it can cause eating disorders, it can even cause suicide but it will not make a kid want to lose weight and it will probably cause a mama to want to beat the asshole who makes her baby cry. I know if anyone ever made my kid feel bad about themselves, they would have me to deal with and it wouldn’t be pleasant.

This guy may be smart when it comes to bioethics but he doesn’t know squat about helping obese people and children losing weight. Ever heard of a bed side manner? He gets a throat punch with a side of roundhouse kick to the head for being an incredibly insensitive douche canoe.

Forget Fat Shaming, Let’s Practice Moron Shaming

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