Since I can remember, I have wanted to be a mother.
To have my own babies, and have a laundry basketful of little bitty socks and soft, cotton onesies to fold.
When I was five years old, I confessed to my grandmother, “Abuela, I can’t wait to have my own children.” Her response to me was, “God waits to send the perfect children just for you.” I smiled at the thought of what precious baby God would choose for me. I imagined having a little girl, full of curls and large, dark eyes, all legs kicking and joyful giggling.
I knew I would be a perfect mother, for that perfect baby. I would be the best mother there ever was. I would be loving, patient, full of kisses and good nature and never without a smile on my face and laughter in my voice. I would be a dream mom.
As time went on, my baby fever never wained. And the longer life had me wait for that perfect baby, the more precise the vision of what type of mother I would be, became. With every year that my biological clock ticked on, the more mature and wisened I imagined myself in the role of a lifetime: that of a mother.
I was growing impatient, and frankly, scared, when I was approaching 35 years old, and still without that one baby. That baby that my life felt empty without. That baby that would bring me all the happiness I felt I was missing. That baby that would make my life perfect. I knew that when that baby came, the heavens would open and a chorus of angels would sing, and I would be happy, fulfilled, and never experience any sort of sadness or negative feeling for the rest of my life.
Just five months short of my 36th birthday, I finally had that golden, much awaited, baby. The one that would bring me all the joy I knew would come with finally being a mother. All I had dreamed of was finally, here, in my arms.
What wasn’t part of my life’s dream, however, was the shock of the feelings I was having after the birth of this baby.
I was scared. I was in pain. I was confused and panicked. I was oh so very tired. And I had a baby that wasn’t crying, but screaming and inconsolable, painfully latching on to engorged breasts.
I burst into tears. This was the moment I had been waiting for my entire life? This?
What was wrong with me? I should be up and dancing and calling people on the phone, joyfully. Not laying here, in this hospital bed, hooked up to an I.V., with tears streaming down my face, holding a baby that I knew could read my mind that said, “I’m too scared to be your mama.”
I kept all these feelings to myself, I was so full of shame. I never heard of anyone crying with unhappiness when their baby was born. And especially me. Everyone in my life knew that all I ever wanted, was to have my own baby.
Fortunately, my Dr. was astute enough to know this was not a case of baby blues lite. She had me in her office by Day 5 of my beautiful boy being born.
She sent me to a Post Partum Depression specialist. My wonderful Dr. would call me at home, to see how I was doing. She located a PPD support group for me. She even called my husband and told him how important it was that he be home with me.
Was this the way I imagined the birth of my life long awaited first baby to be? No. It so sadly wasn’t.
This first baby is now 16 years old. But, the memory of his birth is a vivid, visceral one.
I have worked hard, through therapy, to forgive myself for not welcoming his coming into the world with joy. I have had to forgive myself.
The Truthful Mommyism that I’ve had to learn, is that I’m not perfect, but that does not make me any less of the perfect mother for my children. I am who I am, battle scars and all, and I’ve learned that facing and working through the challenges that life has sent my way, has made me see myself as a strong, brave, determined woman. When my first child was born, not only did I have a newborn to take care of, but I did it with PPD, temporarily broken dreams, and, at the time, disappointment in myself.
I did it, I survived, and I am proud to say, that I am proud of myself.
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First, turn down the music player at the bottom of the page or you won’t be able to hear a word that I am saying!
I thought it was about time you all got to meet the Mommy behind the blog! This was fun. Hopefully, I didn’t stumble or make too many crazy faces! Enjoy! Keep a look out for next month’s, month long celebration of my Birthday; BE a Better ME Challenge! Happy Mothering!
Disclaimer: I don’t really look like a OOmpa LOOMpa, its the lighting from the computer!Sorry. Don’t be afraid![/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container]
Mommy Blogger Means Mommy who Blogs
When did Mommy Blogger become a bad word? The other day, I was accused by one of my readers at another site I write for ( not you ladies, you rock), who apparently doesn’t know me like you all do, of sitting around in my robe all day and thinking up these “ridiculous” articles. I wish! I believe the article was one in which I compared “real” (meaning those of us who are not celebrities. Not meaning to imply that Beyoncé is not a “real” mom because obviously if she has a baby and is taking care of it, she is “real” not imaginary.) Well, apparently Beyoncé reads that website because someone certainly attacked me for that remark and the only person who I can think of that should get that defensive about Beyoncé would be Beyoncé herself or her mama.
Then it hit me, this is what people think of mommy bloggers. They think we sit around in our pajamas all day, eating bon bons and pecking away at the keyboard while we ignore our kids and live in perpetual squalor. It is no wonder, women writers are so afraid of that title. I assure you that I do not fit any of the stereotypes that people think of when they think of “mommy blogger”. In fact, I’m pretty sure most mommy bloggers don’t.
This illusion of a mommy blogger is not feasible if you think about it because by the very definition of “mommy blogger” we have children, have given birth and/or are pregnant. This does not allow much time for sitting on our asses and eating bon bons though I wish it did. I have never eaten or seen a bon bon in my life because I have kids. Bon bons would never last in my house. As soon as I would try to put one in my mouth some little person would be in my ear asking for a bite and just as suddenly in my mouth snatching it away.
If anything, a Mommy blogger should be defined as a wonder woman like creature who has given birth, is raising children, has the balls and presumably some talent to write about it openly. I also happen to live like a functioning yet severely affected ADHD patient.
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A Mommy Blogger is a Multitasker Extraordinare
I sit down to write during naps.Five minutes in someone usually yells out for me. I walk past a toy in the hallway and pick it up. Then I walk into the bedroom to be told that little Suzy needs a drink of water. I grab her hamper and carry the clothes to the laundry room and start the washer. While the washer is filling, I walk to the cupboard to grab a cup. I fill the cup and then I wash the few dishes that are in the sink. I load the washer, walk back to the child’s bedroom and hand her the water. She asks for a tissue. I walk into the bathroom to grab a tissue. Clean the sink and make it free of toothpaste. I pick up the wet towels from this morning. I walk back across the hall, hand Suzy a tissue, give her a kiss and walk towards the laundry room. Out the corner of my eye, I see that the living room coffee table is covered in puzzles and coloring books and the cushions need to be fluffed. I take the laundry to the laundry room. As I walk through the kitchen towards the living room, I see that there are crumbs from breakfast on the table. I grab the sponge and begin to wipe the table. My phone dings. I have a text message from my husband. I call the insurance company to ask about a statement. While I listen to musak, I fluff pillows and put away puzzles. The living room is tidy. I take the pillow the girls drug from my bedroom back to my bed. Musak continues. I notice I still need to fix my bed. I fluff the comforter and realize there are loveys in my bed. More musak. I finish fluffing my pillows and straightening my bed then I walk across the hall to put the lovey on my youngest daughters shelf. Musak is still playing. She stirs and I have to stop what I am doing and soothe her back to sleep. Tip toeing out of the room, the musak suddenly stops and a very loud insurance agent yells, “Mary Jane Magilicutty, How may I help you?” Startled, I run out of the room. 20 minutes later, I am done being transferred, pressing one and explaining to this agent the extent of my stress incontinence. I am about to lose my mind. I walk to my desk to continue writing my article that I started an hour ago when the kids first went down for their nap. Shit! I forgot I need a cup of coffee. I walk to the coffee maker and begin the process of making a cup. I can’t find the creamer. I go in search of the creamer. It’s at the very back of the refrigerator behind the apple juice, organic milk and leftovers. I finally get to it and the apple juice, whose lid was apparently not closed, falls out of the refrigerator and spills on the ground. 20 minutes and a lot of cussing later I am headed back to my desk with tepid coffee after mopping up the juice. I walk over to my desk, sit down and type one sentence and a little one walks up to me and tells me they are awake. Breathe. Wait. Repeat. That, my friends, is the day in the life of a Mommy blogger.
This is my day, every day. I work in 5-minute increments and then I stay up until the wee hours of the night to make up the difference. Bon bons? I can barely sneak in a minute to eat a piece of stale cold toast. So don’t tell me that Beyoncé does more than me before 8 am because I am still asleep and then I sit in my robe all day. Hey fuck you! I run circles around Beyoncé. She has a team of people to do what she does. I am a team of one for most of the day. It’s just short people, who I can barely understand, and me. Being a Mommy blogger means I not only do all the Mommy duties of my day, I throw in researching, writing and thinking up interesting things to say.Well, things to say. Do you have any idea how hard that is when I have a raging case of Mommy brain, 2 little ones in my ear talking about everything that has ever happened to them and anyone they know and trying to remember birthdays, anniversaries, appointments, meetings and deadlines?
It’s hard but I do it because I LOVE it. I love my girls, I love my husband, I love my job and I want it all. Am I exhausted? Yes. Do I say some things that are irreverent? Yes, I am too tired to over think it. Do I make mistakes? Hell, yeah. Do I feel mental? Yes. So throat punch to anyone who thinks mommy bloggers sit around in their robes all day. Now, pass the fucking bon bons, I’m hungry, exhausted and I have a deadline and I’ve only got 5 minutes before the kids wake up again.
What do you think when you hear the word Mommy blogger?
Wanted; Silent Ninja Mommy Assistant~ Seems that I , along with every other Mommy in the world, may be in need of a little help, in the way of an extra pair of arms, eyes, and ears. Not to say we should evolve into some sort of crazy mutant cyborg with highly functioning ears, eyes, and at least two MORE fully functional arms but something of the like, but not so scary. I was thinking more in the way of a Mommy assistant.I don’t think its too much to ask. CEO’s have assistants and all they do is run a company. Mommies raise the future, we grow babies, we produce milk for God’s sake. It’s a big job and we need a little help.
Ninja Mommy Assistant Please
Now, I am not referring to a nanny, though that would be nice as well, I suppose. But I really want to do this Mommy gig..hands on, so a Nanny would sort of be cheating..for me. I’m only talking about me. I don’t know your situation and I’m not being judgmental. If you have a nanny at your disposal, you go girl! You are just smarter than me. You probably knew to get an epidural at 4 centimeters too. No heroics. No un-medicated transition labor for you. So I’m a little hard headed and it takes me longer to give in to reason. I learn….eventually.
Anyways, I think I just need a silent partner who sort of shadows me and picks up the slack.You know, Mommy turns her head..baby starts to roll off changing table, shadow assistant steps in and stops the whole thing from coming to fruition. Mommy needs to work out, screaming baby wakes up mid workout; no problem, ninja assistant slips in, puts kid back to sleep..Mommy gets her figure back. Mommy’s running errands, she’s running late; the “assistant” gets dinner started and when Mommy pulls up with sleeping kiddies…oh, yeah, you know what happens next….That wonderful, God bless her, bitch runs out to the SUV and grabs the groceries while you very quietly and meticulously remove the child from the car seat and relocate them to bed. In turn, earning yourself a well deserved hour of quiet to pay bills and hear yourself think. I bet the Ninja Mommy Assistant would be great for fielding people at the door, unwanted phone calls, wrangling play dates gone awry. She could do laundry, dishes ( dishes would be a must), pick up laundry and toy rooms. She could read all the parenting books and highlight the important information in her nightly report to me.She could do all the other stuff while I actually get to be the Mommy! For example: I’d kiss booboos, and she would call to schedule doctors appointments. Sweet right? How amazing that would be? I’d be so much less stressed and I am sure that would make me a higher level functioning, all around much better Mommy.
Silent Ninja Mommy Assistant
So, who could fill such a tall order? A nanny does a lot of Mommying ( at least the ones I know) so that wouldn’t work for me. A maid only does cleaning, not such an asset if the kids running around the house naked with scissors. A Mommy’s little helper could go either way, I think its a great idea in theory but if they are too young…you end up with another kid on your hands. A babysitter, well, that conjures images of a teenager eating pizza, and texting waiting to get slashed in a B movie while she’s supposed to be watching my kids… so that doesn’t really sound all that appealing. Nothing like putting a kid who attracts Micheal Myers into the situation. No thanks. A Daddy is prefect except for the fact that most Daddy’s are missing the “ears” part, I swear they never hear kids yelling and bickering (it’s the thing I envy about my husband the most). But no one else could love or have the kids best interest at heart as much as a Daddy…except for a Mommy , of course!
I guess its just my own issue. But I do know unequivocally that I can use some assistance. Hmmm, I wonder how that whole cloning business is coming. Then I could have a helper that would do everything I expected, in exactly the same way as I would do it myself. It would be me times two. Perfection!Oh wait, me and myself having PMS at the same time..yikes bad idea.All the “extra” hands in the world aren’t worth that. Guess its back to the drawing board. But if anyone knows of a silent ninja Mommy assistant that would fit the bill, send her my way. I’d even take a Nanny McPhee, but no Mary Poppins.I Ms. Poppins gets a little too attached to the kiddies for my taste. You can never be too careful these days. Happy Mothering!
Ninja Mommy Assistant Needed
Lately, there’s been a lot of controversy over the term Mommy Blogger. Yes, I know I should be giving a hefty Throat Punch to Casey Anthony for being worst mom of the century but I think I’ve wasted enough time on making this sad and sorry woman into a celebrity. This is my last opinion on the subject: Casey Anthony is a woman who clearly has problems and has to live the rest of her life knowing that she has let her daughter down; that she will never hold Caylee in her arms again and that no matter what the jury decided, in the American Public’s eye, she is guilty in thought, word and action. In the end, she is alone and she is culpable.
Moving on, as I was saying, the very term
seems to be inciting revolutions. I am a Mommy who is a blogger. But I don’t blog about JUST being a Mommy. I am a human, with a vast array of thoughts and emotions. I have 38 years of life, experience and wisdom to share. I am worth more than the sum total of all my parts. It’s really disturbing to me to hear Moms who are bloggers disgusted and disgruntled by the fact that they are called mommy bloggers. It is said in the blogging community almost as a dirty word or an insult.
You know how you hear that teachers are not being paid very much and you think “what? These are the people educating our future” and then you think to yourself, “These people she be paid a million dollars a year.” They ARE making a difference. This is how I feel about Mommy bloggers.
Or when you realize that there are entire countries where men think women are useless and have no voice. No opinion. No merit. It begs the question, how the fuck do you think you got here? There are entire continents that don’t want baby girls. But baby girls grow up to be women and women have babies. Babies perpetuate the human race. See where I’m going with this? Mommies are what make the world go round. Mommy bloggers share these experiences.
So,when I hear a negative connotation associated with being a Mommy Blogger, it pisses me off. I work hard on my blog. I pour my heart, blood, sweat and tears onto the page to share with my readers. It’s not always about babies pooping, first days of kindergarten or photos of how cute my kids are. It’s not always gushing. Sometimes it a woman on the ledge sharing the deepest recesses of hardest moments of life. Sometimes I blog about how current events are effecting the world. Other times I use my life experiences and education to help my readers broaden their horizons and open their minds. Some days, I am pure sunshine and rainbows and am here to make you smile and laugh heartily. Either way, I think I serve a purpose for my readers and I know having the opportunity to share serves a purpose for me.
The worst part is that not only is the term Mommy Blogger used in a derogatory way, it’s used most often by other bloggers. Worse still is the jealousy and competition that comes, not only from traditional journalists, but that from within the blogging community itself. I have met some amazing Mommies who are bloggers. I have learned so many important life lessons by sharing a community with these wise women…these mothers. But then, every once in a while, I see envy and competition raise it’s head. Is this where the negative view of Mommy Blogger is derived from?
The Throat Punch this week goes to self-loathing Mommy Bloggers and all those who think that just because a blogger is a Mommy that she is less respectable than any other writer in social media. Shame on you! We are Mommies who Blog…hear us roar! And just because we share about parenting, doesn’t give you carte blanche to know every single thought we’ve ever had or the right to delve deeper than we are willing to share.
What is your definition of a Mommy Blogger? Are you a Mommy Blogger? Are you embarrassed to be called such? Or are you loud and proud? Love to hear your thoughts.
Proud Mommy Blogger
Good Friday my friends! I am blog hopping like a madwoman. I have a goal of 1000 followers by my Birthday September 25 and I’m only a little over half way there. So, please stay awhile and become a follower:)
Also, I wanted to remind everyone that Tuesday I start my Be a Better ME (YOU) Challenge and I hope you can all link up. It will be a month long and we will all feel better for it.I promise!Expect a vlog post on Tuesday!
Next, I have a badge for all PROUD MOMMY BLOGGERS. If you are a mommy and a blogger, please swipe the bade code from my side bar and wear it proudly on your blog. The goal is to get it out to all Proud Mommy Bloggers. SO pass it on to anyone you think might want it! Happy Mothering, my friends!
Today is the last day of my month long celebration of my 2nd Blog anniversary ( And MY 600th post in 2 years) and I wanted to share Truthful Mommy Tells All~ My TRUTH about Motherhood. I also want to thank all of my fabulously talented and honest friends who shared their truth with my readers. You are my village and you all help me through this journey of motherhood with our conversations. I hope that sharing my TRUTH over these past two years has been a source of comfort and commiseration for you to know that you are not alone in this roller coaster of uncertainty that we call parenting. My truth is something that I have been learning slowly over the past 6 years and even more so since I have joined the blogging community. I don’t think I can contain it all in a single post but I will share some of it here. Again, thank YOU for joining the conversation and trusting me enough to share your experiences with the TRUTH about Motherhood community.
My TRUTH about Motherhood; My Sunshine
- No Mommy is an island. Sometimes, it may feel like you are stranded alone and desperate on an island all by yourself with the crazy little natives but you are never alone. All you have to do is reach out and there you will find the sisterhood that will rescue you from the solitude and the drowning days. Make no mistake, that life preserver can come in the form of family, a friend,your husband, the next door neighbor,the lady sitting across from you at ballet rehearsal, a mommy of one of your children’s friends, a doctor, someone you’ve met online or through your blog, or a complete stranger. We only have to be open to seeing the preserver, which usually comes in the form of a honest conversation.
My TRUTH about Motherhood, my Heart
- It really does take a village to raise a child. I have not lived close to family since having my children so I have had to be dependent on a small but mighty group of women who I am blessed to call my sisters. It only works if you can be honest though. Our tight knit friendships were forged through pain and honesty. The first step is acceptance. We had to accept that we are not perfect and everyone needs a shoulder to cry on, a hand to help up and an ear to listen during the tough times as well as a friend to truly enjoy the happy times.
- Children really do change everything. From the moment you are aware of their existence, they change you from the physicality of your body,what you eat, drink, your lifestyle, your finances, your perspective of the world, your job, your beliefs,your hopes and dreams even the very way that you move through the world.One thing I can guarantee you that you will experience when you have your baby, everything else that you ever held in esteem will become a distant second.
- You will love your children more than you have ever loved anything in the entire world. (maybe not at first and certainly you may not like them at times(especially the hormonal teen years) but you will come to love them always.)You will realize that you have forgotten most of your life before they came into it. You will realize that you are capable of being a selfless person, no matter how selfish you may have been beforehand.You will make sacrifices that you would have never in your entire life thought yourself capable of. Children test our character and stretch our hearts above and beyond capacity.
- You will cry at the thought of them growing up and leaving, no matter how absolutely crazy they may drive you when they are screaming, fighting, tantruming, biting their siblings,asking you the same question 7000 times,or staying up all night with colic. No matter how hard they may make life in the moment, there is nothing greater than tiny arms wrapped around your neck telling you how much they love you….looking at you like a fat kid looks at cake.There is no greater love than that experienced between a parent and a child.
- They make us better people.You will become a better version of yourself. Oh there will be days of complete doubt and feelings of incompetency and guilt. The guilt is almost too much to bear on some days. The guilt is the growing pains of motherhood. It is us metamorphosing into our better self. As we strive to be better people for our littles, we begin to experience regret for some of our actions. This is where we must forgive ourselves. No one is perfect. Some days we growl and roar and some days we cry and other days we do every single thing right and its the BEST DAY EVER but through every single minute of it…we love so big that our hearts are about to burst.This is love.
- Naps are as important to Mommies as food and water are to the rest of the population. Naps for the kids so you can have alone time.Time to decompress, think and regroup…to hang on to that last thread of your sanity. Naps for you because Mommies need sleep. Repeat after me…MOMMIES NEED SLEEP. This is so you can function at human capacity, be a better Mommy and feel better about yourself.Start this routine before the baby is born. If you are tired, take a nap!
- Motherhood is misery peppered with moments of complete bliss.It’s a lot of hard work with no downtime ( and really crappy pay) and anyone who says otherwise is a liar. But the moments of joy, all those moments that overwhelm and eradicate the minutia , they are so big that they fill our hearts like a camels humps and we can live on the joyous moments through the guilt and the self sacrifice and even the tantruming, nothing’s going right..I’m still in my yoga pants from yesterday and my hairs not been washed in a week days. The bliss is ethereal. The misery is relevant. One days misery is another days joy. Embrace it all, every single moment of it because it is fleeting.
- You will never again think in terms of “Me” and “I”, it will forevermore be “We” and “Us”. It’s not enough that I have become this self-sacrificing, put them ahead of my every want and need, person. Now, when I walk through the stores..even when they are not with me physically, I say “Excuse us”” we would like…”. I get the strangest looks. Because even though they are not by my side, they have taken up permanent residence in my heart and I am sure they will remain there throughout my time on earth( I wouldn’t have it any other way). I have finally began to emerge from my Mommy coma and remember who I am and what I wanted before they came into my life. But my perspective has changed, all that was SO important to me before is not that important to me now. Things that were completely unimportant are now vital. I have changed. I am constantly evolving.I am realizing that as they grow and need me less, I can claim a little more of my time and thought for myself but they still permeate the very core of all that I do.For example, I write this blog because writing is a passion of mine, always has been. But I write about my life as a Mother, which is directly influenced by them. See how that works:) I guess I can look at it as I have the best of both worlds.It just took me a little while to learn how to exist with a foot in each world without losing my balance and toppling.
- Motherhood is the most humbling, amazing, insanity inducing experience that one can ever endure with a smile on their face and come out the other end feeling like not only did you survive but you changed the world. When I first thought of becoming a mother, I thought of holding a tiny new baby in my arms and loving it more than anything ever before or since. That I was spot on about. But I never could have imagined the ways in which motherhood has tested me physically, emotionally, mentally, intellectually, and spiritually. It has rocked my very soul. I have been pulled and pushed and stomped and scratched and beaten by motherhood only to emerge, stronger than I EVER thought I was capable of being. Motherhood has taught me that life is unexpected and in the experiencing is the living. We can not plan, organize, chart or will what life will bring to us when we have children. We are at the mercy of our all encompassing mother’s heart. I have been brought to tears by my child’s bravery, a tiny needle in an even tinier vein on my baby’s hand brought me to my knees, jaundice almost sent me into a tailspin, breastfeeding broke my heart, cartoons have made me cry, I have a phobia of raisins because one almost stole my daughter from me. I have gained superhero powers when the moment called for it. I have turned into a mother bear, tiger, and even a helicopter on occasion.I have become pliable where I used to be cut and dry. I have learned that I can bend and twist and stretch and pull and push but I will not break. I have learned that poop can be consumed in small amounts and not kill you. I have learned that pennies can be swallowed an come out the other end. I have learned that pearls, fuscilli, and popcorn kernels all fit perfectly up a child’s nose. I’ve learned that when a phone is in a grown ups hand a child will begin to talk incessantly. I’ve learned that when little people talk, they have a lot to say. I’ve also learned that they are a lot smarter and wiser than we give them credit for being.I’ve learned that when they are hurt or their heart is broken, my heart feels the pain..ten fold. I have learned that I would stop a bullet with my face if it meant keeping my child out of harms way. I’ve learned that if someone rear ends my car with my girls inside, they run the risk of a crazy whip-lashed lady jumping out of the car and attacking them. I’ve learned this and so much more that I’d need to write a book to share it all. But most of all,I’ve learned that MY world is a better place with my girls in it for me to love.
My TRUTH about Motherhood, My Life
- Motherhood is hard work.If anyone tells you any different, they are a liar. It is the hardest job that you will ever love. But there are moments when you won’t love it so much.That’s OK. That’s normal.If you loved every single second of every single day of Motherhood, we’d have to assume that you were on a high dose of prescription drugs or Mommy juice and that’s perfectly acceptable at times too. Just always remember, if you love your child unconditionally, do the best you can to teach them to be good people, and keep them healthy and out of harms way…YOU ARE THE BEST MOMMY EVER! (I know this because my girls tell me this daily, between the I hate yous and I love yous!)
P.S. This post originally went live on May 31, 2011 but I needed the reminder of all these things today. It’s a year and a half later and it’s still all relevant. I am guest posting at my friend, Gigi’s today talking about my early onset holiday burnout. She has a wonderful series called Around the Bonfire and asked me to join in. I am honored. Hope you will check it out.
I shared my TRUTH about Motherhood, what is yours?
Disclosure: This post about authenticity online was inspired and sponsored by Domain.ME, the provider of the personal domains that end in .ME. As a company, they aim to promote thought leadership to the tech world. All thoughts and opinions are my own.
When I started this blog, The TRUTH about Motherhood, I was known to the Internet as Truthful Mommy. I picked this pseudonym because I planned to bust every parenting myth that ever existed and I was a little leery about putting my face to my truth. I didn’t plan on being the poster child for authenticity online but I had every intention of being the real me.
I wanted to be the voice of the “regular” mom but I wasn’t sure that I was a “regular” mom because I felt like I was doing it so wrong. I didn’t think I was special in anything but my inadequacy. I just wanted to have an open and honest dialogue with other moms online or offline about the ups and downs of motherhood and life. I exist beyond just being a “mommy blogger” on the internet. I am a real person and people need other people. This isn’t just my job, it’s my life. I just wanted a place where I could be my own authentic self.
When I had my first daughter, suddenly, I found myself overwhelmed and completely out of my depth as a parent and as a human being. Every other mom I met made everything look so effortless and they weren’t telling me otherwise. I felt like the ultimate failure. I had so many questions.
Why was my 9-month old crawling backwards? Why couldn’t I ever make the arm to bed transition? Were my kids going to co-sleep until they left for college? Did no one else’s 2-year-old drop the F bomb? Why wouldn’t my toddler eat anything other than damn chicken nuggets? Why was I making all the wrong parenting choices when everyone else was making the right ones? Was I born missing the mom gene?
All the other moms looked so put together at Kinder Music and the Little Gym and I looked like death warmed over. Motherhood looked effortless on them; like those 18-year-olds who just wake up and look gorgeous. Those were the days before Zombies were all the rage but I’m pretty positive I was the original Mombie. I was perpetually exhausted and about as far away from perfect as I could get. I mean, I was a nice person, trying my best but my best just felt like it fell short.
Then I “really” got to know the other moms and I realized those broads were just as exhausted and out of their depth as I was but they had something called dry shampoo and they never told me about their mommy woes because they were afraid I was going to think less of them. ME? The woman who hadn’t slept in 2 years. The woman who only wore pony tails and makeup she could put on in 2 minutes or less because little people needed every bit of my attention. That’s when I knew, I had to tell the truth for all of our sakes. So I did and it was glorious.
I had to be honest to have authenticity online or it was pointless.
To be fair, I’ve never been much of a liar anyways and my poker face is completely nonexistent so it’s not like I really had a choice but I chose to be the voice of honesty, not necessarily reason, on the internet and that’s what I’ve been doing for the past 7 years. I hope I’ve helped a few people along the way. If comments and private messages are any indication, I’ve had my moments of truth that have landed on desperate ears that needed to know they weren’t alone. That alone was worth bearing my soul naked on the Internet.
I can’t imagine not being my authentic me online or anywhere else in my life. I don’t have the time or desire to be anyone else. I’m definitely rough around the edges, I’ve been known to curse on occasion, and I don’t always say the right thing but who I am online is who I am in person. In fact, the best compliment I’ve ever received has been when meeting readers in real life and having them say that I am exactly who I am online.
I am fully aware that there are times when I overshare and maybe should keep some things to myself. There are times when I hit the publish button and it terrifies me to think what a reader half way across that world might think of me; after all, my skeletons are not hiding neatly in some closet, they are right here for anyone with Google to read. But I can’t over censor myself and pretend that my life is all rainbows and sunshine all the time because it’s not. Sometimes it is but sometimes it’s really shitty; so I share it all here.
For me, being authentic online is the only way that I know how to be. Life is too short to spend all of my time trying to create some fake perfect virtual world that only serves to make others feel bad about what they’re doing. I refuse to be part of the problem. This is me and if you’ve ever read this blog, you know that I’m not perfect but at least with me, you know what you’re getting.
How do you stay true to yourself in life?
What is your definition of authenticity online?
I am A Scary Mommy
Today, I have the honor and pleasure of being a guest at Scary Mommy .com . I am beyond thrilled that Jill invited me to share my Scary Mommy moment on her space. If you are new here.